The Exes

Previously on the exes...

Phil got fired, holly overheated...

My bedroom's on fire.

And Haskell hooked up with his ex.

We have connubed.

- Holly got dumped... - Hi, Paul.

Stuart dated a man-eater.

Call me, baby.

Holly went out with a teen wolf...

Whoa.

Then Phil kissed Eden. Eden denied it.

What? Weird? Me and Phil?

Phil and me? Weird?

Until...

Look who I bumped into.

And now...

All right, later, Haskell.

Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh.

Not so fast.

I think it's time we addressed.

The little matter of you and Eden.

Sneaking around and having sex.

Right under our noses.

- What about it? - Way to go.

Yeah!

- Pow. - That is a relief.

'Cause I thought we were gonna have to get into it.

You know, I thought we were gonna have to talk about it,

- share our feelings. - Are you kidding?

We're guys.

We already talked about it too much.

Okay, I've cleared my morning.

And we are going to share our feelings about last night.

There may be tears. That's healthy.

It's part of the healing process.

So...

Let's use our words to talk.

And our hearts to listen.

I'll go first.

I'll go second.

Eden, could you come in here, please?

- Yes? - I need the transcript.

For the Randall deposition.

Oh, I thought you were finally ready.

To talk about me and Phil.

What? There's nothing to talk about.

Everything's fine.

- Here's the transcript. - What?

Oh, look at that.

It was behind my back the whole time.

Don't I feel silly, foolish, deceived.

Holly, can we please talk already.

And stop all this weirdness?

There's nothing weird going on.

Everything's fine.

And from now on, I'd really prefer you.

To call me miss Franklin.

- Miss Franklin? - Yes, Eden?

No, I mean, why would I call you miss Franklin?

I thought we were friends.

Oh.

Friends, huh?

Well, a friend doesn't keep secrets from a friend.

A friend also doesn't make a friend.

Feel like an idiot when they ask.

What's going on and they tell them "nothing."

And most importantly, a friend does not need a booster seat.

That was a cheap shot.

A friend can also be a bitch.

Come on, why didn't you tell me.

What was going on with you and Phil?

Because I was nervous, okay?

It's a little weird dating someone in this group.

I mean, you guys tell each other everything.

Until I knew where it was going,

I didn't want anyone to know.

I'm not anyone. I'm your best friend.

You're right, okay?

I should have trusted you.

I'm really sorry.

I'm inclined to accept your apology.

I missed you.

I missed you too.

Oh.

Oh, come on, tell me everything about you and Phil.

- What's it like? - It is fantastic.

I haven't felt this way about a guy in--in a long time.

I mean, he is funny. He's charming.

He even smells great.

The dude has more lotions than I do...

And waxes more too.

Everyone knows that.

Give me something juicy.

Make me go--

Well, what do you wanna know?

Well, what do you think?

What's it like in the boudoir?

That is a little personal.

Mm, that's why I'm asking.

Come on, give me the deets.

Do I hold back on my sex life from you?

You mean you don't?

Okay, all right.

The sex is awesome.

- Yeah. - It is incredible.

Mind-blowing.

Although...

Although? What?

What? What, what, what?

Okay, you better not tell anyone.

- What? - Okay.

Sometimes, occasionally,

once in a blue, blue moon,

I kind of, sort of...

Fake an orgasm.

Now that's a frickin' deet.

No, don't get me wrong. Phil is great in bed.

He's just-- he's just a little needy.

He just wants to know that each time.

Is more amazing than the last,

so it is.

And he doesn't suspect anything?

Please. I mix it up, okay?

I have the high squeal...

High squeal with lip bite...

And his personal favorite:

Oh, yes, oh, yes. Oh, oh, oh, yes!

Wow.

Not done yet.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Man, I need a smoke.

I give to you my latest creation,

Jamon Iberico y Chorizo.

Oh.

This dish hails from the Spanish region.

- Of La Rioja... - Ah.

Home of the world's finest ham...

- Yeah. - And as an interesting--

Just give me the food!

Forgive me for trying to nourish.

The body and the mind.

So how is it?

Oh, Stuart.

Oh.

Stuart.

You are amazing.

- Hello. - Oh.

I thought you'd like to know.

That all is good between me and Eden,

proving once again that friendship.

Is indeed a two-way street.

She apologized, and I forgave her.

Oh.

Oh, Phil.

Oh, Phil!

There they go again.

I for one liked it better when they were sneaking around.

It was a lot quieter.

All night, all we hear.

Are Eden's squeals of delight.

It sounds like an orgy in toontown.

Oh, yes. Oh, yes.

Oh, oh, oh. Yes!

- Finally, it's over. - Not yet.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

- How'd you know that? - How'd I know what?

That the party wasn't over yet.

Because we're women. That's what we do.

It's how it's done. Good day, gentlemen.

Not so fast, sister.

Something's goin' on here.

- Nothing's going on. - All right.

Then you spill it or we talk to squeaky.

When she comes up for air.

Okay, but you have to promise me.

You won't tell Eden I said anything.

She'd kill me if you knew.

The fact that you would even think that wounds me.

Okay.

Well, Eden sometimes...

- Mm-hmm. - Occasionally...

Yeah?

Once in a very blue, blue moon...

Mm-hmm.

Fakes it.

Fakes what?

A stomachache to get out of gym.

What do you think?

Oh.

You still don't get it, do you?

- Not a clue. - Yeah.

Eden fakes her orgasms with Phil.

- Hi, hi. - Oh, hi.

Hi.

I didn't even know you were here.

Really? 'Cause my ears are still ringin'.

- Phil! - What?

What? I'm just happy everything's out in the open.

Everybody knows everything.

Yes, we do.