Roxanne

Dixie, it's me. How you doing?

I'm on my way. I'll be there in about five minutes.

I'm bringing it. I've only had it a year and a half.

I told you I'd return it.

Talk to you later.

All right. Bye.

Off the sidewalk! - Other side of the street, scum!

Now! It's a cop.

Wait a minute. If he's a cop, where's his gun?

He's a fireman!

Cut a wide swath, pussy.

All right.

- Thank you, ass-wipe. - Christ! That's the biggest no...

Don't say it.

Quite a hood ornament you got there, pal.

Here it comes!

3-D, comin' at ya!

I really admire your shoes.

What?

I love your shoes. - What do you mean?

I was just thinking that...

as much as I really admire your shoes...

and as much as I'd love to have a pair just like them...

I really wouldn't want to be in your shoes...

at this particular time and place.

I don't really know karate. - I didn't think so.

Get up!

Son of a...

Get pissed, Rich! - I am pissed!

Fifteen, love.

My nose! - Okay, come on!

That was close. - You want trouble?

You're gonna get trouble.

Blood!

Fault! Et la.

Okay, that's the way you wanna play?

You broke my nose!

Olé.

Had enough yet?

Thirty, love.

Surprise. Forty, love.

Are we having fun yet?

Service!

Game.

Let's play again sometime.

Grover?

Grover?

Grover...?

Dixie?

Dixie?

Dixie?

Dixie???

Dixie...? Dixie!!!

Where the hell is she? Oh, hi.

Here's your racket. - Thanks.

What's this stuff on it? Vitalis? - No, it's blood.

Where's my tea?

Bernie.

You wanna tell me about it? - You're too young.

Come here, Grover.

Come here.

Shit!

Damn it!

There better be a window open, Grover.

I'm going to have you neutered!

Oh, God.

Don't go anywhere, Grover. I'm going to the front of the house.

Oh, brother. I can't believe it.

More, more! Thank you, thank you.

Goddamn it! We're supposed to put them out!

Guys! Guys! - What now?

I have a dream. It's not a big dream, it's just a little dream.

My dream... and I hope you don't find this too crazy...

is that I would like the people of this community

to feel that if, God forbid, there were a fire,

calling the fire department would actually be a wise thing to do!

You can't have people, as their houses are burning down,

say, "Whatever you do, don't call the fire department"!

That would be bad.

Please, get it cleaned up. Don't make me have to explain it.

No problem, Chief. We'll do it.

Hello?

I'm locked out of my house.

I can get you back in. Come on inside. I'll get some tools.

I don't have any clothes on.

You want a coat or anything?

No. I really like to stand naked in this bush in the freezing cold.

I'll get the tools.

Thanks.

Hi, Chief. What is it?

Somebody locked out of their house. - Need any help, Chief?

It looks pretty boring. I'll take care of it.

We're in trouble.

Nobody had a coat? - You said you didn't want a coat.

Why would I not want a coat? - You said you didn't want a coat.

I was being ironic. - Oh! Irony!

No, we don't get that here.

See, people ski topless here while smoking dope...

so irony's not really a high priority.

We haven't had any irony here since about '83

when I was the only practitioner of it, and I stopped because I was tired of being stared at.

Oh, brother.

You shouldn't leave your lights on when you're locked out.

You waste a lot of electricity.

You can hide in that bush over there, and I won't see your nakedness.

I noticed you don't have any tattoos.

I think that's a wise choice.

I don't think Jackie Onassis would have gone as far

if she'd had an anchor on her arm.

Well, every job has a perfect tool.

Let's see.

This lock doesn't accept Master Charge. I'm gonna have to try the old reliable.

And when I say

old reliable, I'm lying, because I've never tried this before.

You may not want to watch this.

Careful.

God, I hate heights.

What are you doing up there? I'm freezing.

For God's sake, put something on.

Thanks.

Hello...?

There you go. I'm averting my eyes, finally.

Look what you got me into, Grover. Thanks.

Do you wanna come in...

I sort of already did.

I figured you must be starving,

so I made us some cheese and some vegetables...

au naturel .

Maybe you'd like some wine with your nose.

Cheese. - Wine will be fine.

Do you have a straw? - I don't, actually. Why?

No particular reason.

Cheers.

Party trick.

Well, a nose by any other name.

Would smell as sweet.

My name's C.D. Bales. I'm the fire chief.

You can call me Charlie if you want.

My name's Roxanne. Thanks for helping me before.

I know the lady who owns this house. - Dixie? I liked her.

She gave me a real good deal for the summer.

Nice and cheap, I'll bet.

It's worth it. This house has a great spot for that.

I thought you'd never ask. - I didn't.

What is it, a mummy?

It's a telescope. It's beautiful.

You must know about M-31. - Yeah.

I like it when they give astronomical objects names...

you know, like Andromeda and Saturn...

and Sea of Tranquility.

This whole numbering thing is just too boring for us civilians.

Do you know how many objects are up there?

Well, I know it's over 50.

They've done pretty well, considering how many things they have to name.

How about muon? Gluon?

Quark? You know what a quark is?

I used to. I just forgot right now.

Oh, well, we don't know everything, do we?

Sit down. I'll show you.

Here it is.

No one's actually ever seen a quark, but we know they exist.

There's at least six different types.

There's up, down...

strange, charmed...

bottom and top.

That's their flavor.

The top and bottom quarks are the most common kinds...

but only an unusually exotic collision...

can produce the strange and charmed quarks.

It's beautiful, don't you think? - Yeah.

These are astronomical objects, then?

No. Subnuclear particles.

I thought so.

So what are you looking for?

I can't tell you.

Why is that? - It's a secret.

I got a few secrets myself. Some pretty important ones, too.

Actually, I have one pretty impor...

Actually, I have one lousy one.

Actually, I don't have any secrets at all.

It's just so depressing.

Did you say your name was Roxanne?

That's unusual. It's pretty.

There's a name for a galaxy.

Sorry. Didn't mean to wax rhapsodic.

I should go. It's late and I've got a lot of important things to do.

Well, wish me luck.

On? - Just luck.

No, I don't believe in luck.

Wish for something to happen.

I know what you mean. Good-bye.

So long.

Are you okay? - I'm fine.

Roxanne...

It's a party town, maestro. You'll love it.

Gavanna Samana?

What?

Weren't you Playmate of the Month, June, '85?

Come on. - No.

That's really funny, 'cause I thought I recognized your inner diameter slope.