To Be or Not to Be

Lubinski, Kubinski...

Lominski, Rozanski and Poznanski.

We're in Warsaw, the capital of Poland.

It's August, 1939. Europe is still at peace.

At the moment, life in Warsaw is going on as normally as ever.

But suddenly, something seems to have happened.

Are those Poles seeing a ghost? Why does this car suddenly stop?

Everybody seems to be staring in one direction.

People seem to be frightened, even terrified. Some flabbergasted.

Can it be true? It must be true. No doubt.

The man with the little mustache, Adolf Hitler.

Adolf Hitler in Warsaw when the two countries are still at peace...

and all by himself?

He seems strangely unconcerned by all the excitement he's causing.

Is he by any chance interested in Mr. Maslowski's delicatessen?

That's impossible! He's a vegetarian.

And yet, he doesn't always stick to his diet.

Sometimes he swallows whole countries. Does he want to eat up Poland, too?

Anyhow, how did he get here? What happened?

It all started in the General Headquarters of the Gestapo in Berlin.

Heil Hitler.

- Heil Hitler! - Colonel, we have Wilhelm Coetze here.

If you'd like to look into his record.

- I hope he'll talk. - He'd better.

- Send him in. - Yes, sir.

Wilhelm Coetze!

Heil Hitler!

And now, Wilhelm, I understand you want a little tank to play with.

Yes, my father promised me one if I got a good report card.

But our Führer heard about your report card...

and decided to give you just what you want.

Heil Hitler!

You are going to tell your father who gave it to you, aren't you, Wilhelm?

Sure, our Führer.

And then maybe he will like the Führer a little better, won't he?

Sure.

- He doesn't like him now, does he? - No, he doesn't.

And sometimes he even says funny things about him, doesn't he?

Well, he said they named a brandy after Napoleon...

and they made a herring out of Bismarck.

- And Hitler's going to end up as... - A piece of cheese.

- Yes. - Yeah.

- How did you know? - Well, it's a natural thought.

A natural thought?

I hope you don't misunderstand. I always, that is...

You see, Colonel, I hope you don't doubt my...

Heil Hitler!

The Führer.

Heil Hitler!

Heil myself.

That's not in the script.

- But, Mr. Dobosh, please. - That's not in the script, Mr. Bronski.

- But it'll get a laugh. - I don't want a laugh here.

How many times have I told you not to add any lines?

- I want... - You want my opinion, Mr. Dobosh?

No, I don't want your opinion.

All right, then let me give you my reaction.

A laugh is nothing to be sneezed at.

Mr. Greenberg, I hired you as an actor, not as a writer. Understand?

What does the script say?

- I make an entrance. - And what do you say?

- Nothing. - Then say nothing.

Here am I sitting, waiting for my scene, all eager to go...

and I have to wait and wait to be driven out of my mood...

just because two little actors in the cast want to enlarge their parts.

Mr. Rawitch, what you are, I wouldn't eat.

How dare you call me a ham!

Folks, I want everybody to understand this.

This is a serious play, a realistic drama...

- Good morning, Dobosh. - Good morning.

- How do you like my dress? - Very good.

It is a document of Nazi...

Is that what you're wearing in the concentration camp?

- Don't you think it's pretty? - That's it.

Well, why not? I think it's a tremendous contrast.

Think of me being flogged in the darkness. I scream, the lights go on...

and the audience sees me on the floor in this gorgeous dress.

- That's a terrific laugh. - That's right, Greenberg.

You keep out of this!

That a great star, an artist, could be so inartistic.

You must be out of your mind.

What do you mean by talking to my wife like that? How dare you!

I'm sorry. I lost my temper.

Sweetheart, the dress stinks.

You're only afraid I'm running away with the scene.

I afraid? Why should I be?

Of course not. You're the best actor in the world.

- Everybody knows that, even you. - Don't be a prima donna.

Any chance to take the spotlight away from me, it's ridiculous how you grab it.

Whenever I start a story, you finish it.

If I go on a diet, you lose the weight. If I have a cold, you cough.

If we should ever have a baby, I'm not so sure I'd be the mother.

I'm satisfied to be the father.

Mr. Dobosh, look, if you'll just give me a chance...

- Who made you up? - I did, Mr. Dobosh.

- What's wrong with it? - I don't know. It's not convincing.

To me, he's just a man with a little mustache.

But so was Hitler.

Wait, it's not just the mustache. It's... I don't know.

- I just can't smell Hitler in him. - I can.

I know.

That picture. That's what he should look like.

But that picture was taken of me.

Then the picture's wrong, too.

Now, see here, Mr. Dobosh, I'm a nobody and I have to take a lot.

But I know I look like Hitler, and I'm going to prove it right now.

I'm going out on the street and see what happens.

And that's how Adolf Hitler came to Warsaw in August, 1939.

May I have your autograph, Mr. Bronski?

- Bronski? - Why, certainly.

I know it would get a laugh.

Then Dobosh said to me, "Bronski, you're going to play Hitler."

I thought that was the real start of my career.

Don't worry, Bronski. They can't keep real talent down forever.

And the day will come when you'll play Shylock.

The Rialto scene.

Shakespeare must have thought of me when he wrote this. It's me.

"Have I not eyes? have I not hands...

"organs, senses, dimensions, affections, passions?

"fed with the same food, hurt with the same weapons...

"subject to the same diseases.

"If you prick us, do we not bleed?

"if you tickle us, do we not laugh?

"if you poison us, do we not die?"

You'd move them to tears.

- Instead, I have to carry a spear. - That's all we do, carry a spear.

Carry a spear in the first act, and in the second act.

Carry Rawitch off the scene in the last act.

How I'd love to drop that ham right in the center of the stage.

Would get a terrific laugh.

Hello, this is Mr. Tura.

Please order me a salami and cheese sandwich and a glass of beer.

Right away, please. Thank you.

- The audience is a little cool tonight. - Not to me.

I know I'm giving a rotten performance. I always do when we quarrel.

- Say something nice. - You faker.

I watched your scene with Polonius. You were never better.

I'd give you a kiss right now, but I'm afraid I'll ruin my makeup.

Darling, you were right this morning.

I felt so rotten after the rehearsal, I went to Dobosh and told him...

when he advertises the new play to put your name first.

Did you, darling? That's sweet of you. But I really don't care.

That's what Dobosh said, so we left it as it was.

But, darling, you know how I feel about you.

Why I'd even...

- Flowers? - Aren't they beautiful?

- Don't be casual. Who sent them? - I don't know. There was no card.

No card again? That's three nights in succession. Who is he?

I'm sure this has nothing to do with me personally.

This man probably loves theater, an art fanatic.

Someone sitting in the gallery night after night...

Just one of those poor boys who can't afford a ticket...

but inherited a lot of flowers and is trying to get rid of them.

Three nights in a row.

Even Shakespeare couldn't see Hamlet three nights in succession.

- You forget you're playing Hamlet. - That's right.

Mr. Tura on stage!

Maria, darling, I'm going into my big scene.

Joseph, sweetheart, I swear I don't know who it is.

Thanks, darling.

It's true, Anna, I don't know who it is. But I'm positive who it might be.

- You mean that young aviator? - Yes, he's very young.

He's in the second row again. He gets better-looking every night.

Don't misunderstand me. I love my husband dearly, and why not?

He's wonderful.

Only he gets so unreasonable, so upset about little things.

Like the little thing in the second row.

Waiting for an answer.

"It. Stanislav Sobinski." I was right, it is a young aviator.

- Is he suffering very much? - Yes, he had to break his silence.

- He couldn't bear it any longer? - No, he couldn't.

- Poor little thing. - He's just a mere boy.

- Oh, no. - What's he want you to do, adopt him?

He's dying to see me, even if it's just for a minute.

Of course I won't. Definitely not. Yet, I don't like to be rude to him.

I think it's a mistake to ignore people who admire one and buy the tickets...

Darling, don't waste any more time with excuses.

If you want to see him, see him while he's still young.

Yes, I think I owe it to my public.

Dear Lieutenant... Wait till you see him, Anna.

Unfortunately my time is completely taken up.

But if you insist on seeing me, come back to my dressing room...

when Hamlet goes into his soliloquy, "To be or not to be."

- How does it sound? - Safe.

"O heavy burden!"

"I hear him coming

"Let's withdraw, my lord."

"To be, or not to be:

"that is the question:

"Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer

"The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune...

"Or to take arms..."

Thank you, Mrs. Tura, for receiving me.

If you knew how I was looking forward to this moment...

- And now you're probably disappointed. - Mrs. Tura.

- Please sit down. - Thank you.

So you are the gentleman that sent me those lovely flowers. Thank you.

Somehow, I pictured you quite differently as a dignified old gentleman.

And now I see you...

I wonder if it was the right thing to ask you back here.