American Horror Story

Just look sexy, please.

Come on. You always look sexy.

God, I'm so happy I married you.

What are you gonna do to me in there?

If you stop taking pictures and come inside, we can find out.

This place is amazing.

You think we're still gonna want to bang each other when we're 80?

Uh, you'd better. Otherwise, I'm gonna leave your ass.

Admit it. I'm the best you've ever had.

Actually, there is this one guy...

Shut up. Shut up.

You are so sexy.

Come on. Let's go inside.

Last stop on the haunted honeymoon tour.

Better make it good.

Oh, my God.

"Built in 1908, Briarcliff Manor was the largest tuberculosis ward on the East Coast."

46,000 people died here.

Do you think it's haunted?

They shuttled the bodies out...

through an underground tunnel called the death chute.

We should totally do it in the death chute.

Oh, my God. You are so demented. I love you.

What are we gonna tell our kids about the honeymoon?

We'll tell 'em the truth. We visited the 12 most haunted places in America...

and screwed our brains out in every single one.

Or that Mommy's a horror freak, and Daddy lives to make Mommy happy.

He does.

- Come on. Let's keep exploring. - All right.

We've got an hour before sunset. Let's make it quick.

The Catholic Church bought this place in '62,

and turned it into a sanitarium for the criminally insane.

"Legend has it that once you were committed at Briarcliff,

you never got out.

Their most famous resident was a serial killer named"...

Bloody Face.

- Say "Bloody Face." - Bloody Face.

Teresa! You gotta see this. Get in here.

Tie me down.

I'm sick, Doctor. Can you help me?

I don't know. You seem to have a very bad case of morbid erotomania.

Ready for your injection?

What is that?

What is that? Let's go find out. It's probably nothin'.

No, no, no. Come on. Come on. Let's go.

You're killing me. I'll make it up to you.

Promise me we're coming back. Promise.

Maybe it's Bloody Face. Maybe it's just old pipes.

You can totally put it in my ass right now.

Wow.

- I can't see anything. - Yo, take it easy. Take it easy.

What? You scared, pussy?

I can't... Oh, my God!

What? Oh, you are such a prick.

You are such a prick.

- Speaking of which... - No. I wanna know what's in there.

Do it again and I'll blow you.

Give me your phone.

Ow! Get off me! Oh, my God!

That'll be three dollars even.

Thirty cents a gallon.

You think 'cause you're out here in the tules you can gouge people?

I don't set the prices, sir.

Kids get a coloring book? Yeah, that'd be Texaco.

Come on, Jack. I just wanna go home.

Whoa. Nice.

Drive safely.

Asshole.

Sign says "Closed."

- Boo! - Christ! Billy!

You trying to get killed?

Do you know what Art keeps in this cabinet?

Look anything like this? Oh!

Gimme. Give me that.

Whoo!

We just want to borrow it. Nigger tried to mess with Rainy's little sister.

You guys insane? Come on, Kit.

- We're just gonna scare him. Come with us. - I'm not going with you guys.

And neither is the gun, so just leave.

Yeah.

How much is Art paying you these days?

I hear you got yourself a maid.

That's what I hear anyway.

Mmm.

Chocolate.

Something smells good, Mrs. Walker.

I'm not used to putting those two words together, but I like it, Mr. Walker.

Well...

- So how are you? - I'm good. How are you?

I'm good.

Let's do it, babe.

Let's tell everyone. I mean, come on. We didn't commit a crime.

We drove to Provincetown and got married.

Your family, my folks, they should know.

- The world will change one day. - The world is wrong.

We need to keep it a secret.

Baby.

It makes me feel like I can't protect my own family.

The rice is just about ready.

That's not what I'm hungry for.

Okay, okay.

- Oh, babe. - I hope you like your beef tough and dry...

because that's what we're having for dinner tonight.

The first course was delicious.

- Where you going? - To make you dinner.

Oh, shit.

Alma, stay in the kitchen no matter what. You hear me?

I know you're out here, Billy.

Stop playing games.

Kit!

Alma! Help me!

Help me!

Alma! Alma!

Answer me! Where are you?

Lana Winters from the Gazette. I'm doing a story on your bakery.

I have an appointment with Sister Jude.

Play with me!

Play with me.

- Ow. - Pepper, leave the lady alone.

Oh, it's fine. She was only trying to make friends.

- It was harmless. - She's not harmless.

She drowned her sister's baby and sliced his ears off.

Follow me, miss.

No! No!

Don't wanna go to bed.

Sister Jude calls this her stairway to heaven.

Lady reporter's here.

I told you I would come find you, Sister Mary Eunice.

Brush yourself off, Shelley.

You think I'm full of shame and regret for what I've done now, Sister?

You can shave me bald as a cue ball,

and I'll still be the hottest tamale in this joint.

Take her to the common room so the others can witness her newfound immaculacy.

And next time knock.

- Remind me of your name. - Lana. Lana Winters.

Can I ask what Shelley did? I assume you were punishing her for something.

I assumed you were here to do a story on our bakery.

Oh, believe me. No one loves that molasses bread more than I do.

I toast it for my breakfast every single morning.

Shelley was brought to us...

having been given the preposterous diagnosis by a psychiatrist...

comparing her to a wood nymph.

- You mean a nymphomaniac? - Just more nonsense from the charlatans.

That young woman is a victim of her own lust. There's no other name for it.

Mental illness is the fashionable explanation for sin.

You said your name is Lana? After the movie star.

Now there's a train wreck of a soul.

Jennifer Jones, however, there's a true lady.

You've seen Song of Bernadette?

- Oh, it's a classic. - Yeah.

But at Briarcliff, I hear you are the true star.

Oh, no. Not me. The monsignor, Timothy Howard.

He's the real visionary. Sit down. You're making me nervous.

You know what this place was just two years ago?

- A hellhole. - And I'm told the bakery was your idea.

It was, but it was based on his philosophy.

Well, write it down.

He believes the tonic for a diseased mind lies in the three P's:

Productivity, prayer and purification.

The bakery's just the tip of the iceberg.

Oh. Oh, we have such dreams for this place.

Are all of your patients remanded here by the state?

Not all.

The monsignor's a man of charity.

You know where most of our wards come from? The ghetto.

They said to tell you that, um...

Oh, I didn't knock. I'm sorry, Sister.

- Who said to tell me what? - They said to tell you...

- What? - The bad person will arrive any minute.

Thank you, Sister.

Well, are we ready for our bakery tour?

She's talking about the maniac. The killer of those women, isn't she?

- Bloody Face. - Bloody Face?

An eyewitness caught a glimpse of him leaving one of the crime scenes...

wearing a mask which appeared to be made of human flesh.

I heard he's going to be admitted here today. Is there any way I can meet him?

You're not in the least bit interested in our good works.

Our town is in a collective panic.

This maniac is decapitating women. Three of them so far.

- I see you for exactly who you are. - Three minutes.

Give me three minutes with him, and I swear to God, I will write an amazing...

Swear to God? That's rich coming from you.

People wanna understand what's in the mind of someone like him.

- There's not a pious bone in your body. - Where's the harm in that?

You're out of your depth, Miss Lana Banana.

You want a story? Write this down.

Your killer is being turned over to us by the authorities...

until it is determined whether he is fit to stand trial.

It's an ordeal, I know.

Our check-in procedures.

Though not a patch on what you put your victims through.

Sister, I didn't kill anybody.

The courts have given you over to my care.

Not for correction, but for storage while they weigh your fate.

This is not a meat locker.

Here you will repent for your crimes...

to the only judge that matters...

To Almighty God.

There is no God.

Not a God who would create the things I saw.