Firewalker

'Cause I want to find out where we are, that's why!

You're driving. You oughta know where we are!

Take a left.

No, I said left!

It's a desert, Leo. What difference does it make?

Just once, can't you do like I ask?

Relax, we're losing 'em.

Maybe they'll run out of gas.

I wish you hadn't said that.

I said left!

Two hundred stinkin' miles of stinkin' desert,

and you gotta drive us into a stinkin' pool of stinkin' water!

What do you figure the odds are on this?

And I say they're bandits.

Nah, they couldn't be.

They would have killed us by now.

- Oh, no. - The General.

Watch, he'll probably say something stupid like,

"So, gentlemen, we meet again."

So, gentlemen, we meet again.

See?

You are responsible for this!

Hey, I can't take all the credit. I mean, Leo here, he...

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Splendid!

A moment frozen in time.

It occurred to me that to leave you gentlemen

here in this wretched heat, with nothing to drink,

would be a cruel and merciless act.

In three hours, your flesh will begin to blister.

Two hours later, your tongues will swell.

And all that time, you will be holding the liquid of life

in your very own hand.

And you'll still be bald.

Should you need anything, gentlemen, just scream!

Max, there's something I want to tell you.

What?

I really want you to know...

that I blame you for this.

Oh, Max.

Hurry up, Max.

Something is crawling up my legs!

Leo, there's only so much I can do!

Quick!

They're crawling all over me!

Oh, quit bellyaching.

I'm getting us out of it, aren't I?

Got us into it, too.

Geez.

I'd like to see the look on the General's face

when he sees us gone.

The only water we had, and you had to break it.

Geez, that's gratitude for ya.

All I can think of is a beer from Tubbs Bar.

But that's in Arizona... 5,000 miles from here.

Max, I'm quitting.

Again?

How many expeditions have we been on together?

- Hundreds. - Fifteen.

Fifteen, Max. In ten years.

And how many have we made money on?

Three, Max. Only three.

That's not such a good average.

- Our average income... - Leo...

you're being a teacher again.

It's a side of you I've never liked.

Max, we keep sticking our necks out, and sooner or later,

somebody's gonna chop our heads off.

What'll it be, sister?

May... may I have... see your wine list, please?

I got it memorized. You want white or red?

Red. Thank you.

My sources inform me that this place is frequented by men of...

shall we say, questionable character.

- No, here? - Yes.

I need men of undying loyalty...

brave, not too smart.

Two men, end of the bar.

Tell 'em I said you was okay.

Come on, Leo.

You don't want to go back to being cooped up in a classroom again, do ya?

The bartender says I'm okay.

That's good enough for me.

Good.

This is gonna be easier than I thought.

- Hello, I'm Patricia Goodwin. - Max Donigan, Leo Porter.

Hello.

Gentlemen, I have a business proposition for you.

But I must warn you,

the men I hire need to be very brave.

Well, we...

laugh in the face of death, right, Leo?

Now it won't be easy. It might even be dangerous.

But it could be worth a lot of money.

Money?

Money.

You see, I've recently acquired a map,

and I'm convinced it leads to a great amount of gold.

What's the location?

An Indian reservation not far from here near the border.

Help me find the gold, and we'll split it... 50/50.

What makes you sure that that map of yours is authentic?

There must be gold there because someone's willing to kill for it.

And who might that be?

I don't know, but he's very dangerous.

Well, there is one other thing,

but you're probably not gonna believe me.

No, no, we'll believe it.

The man who wants the map... he isn't really a man.

But he's... he looks like...

a cyclops.

- Cyclops? - A red one.

Red cyclops, man.

With long black hair.

See, I knew you wouldn't believe me.

Oh, yeah, yeah... we believe you.

It's just that...

there are certain things that are out of our league.

Dragons and sea serpents.

Red cyclops.

Please, take a look at the map.

You can see it's authentic.

I'm telling you the truth.

Keep your heads down!

See, I told you so!

This way! Come on!

Come on, Patricia! Come on!

Come on, Leo!

So, we're anchored, see?

It is so still... I mean, not a ripple.

It's so quiet, it's scary.

All of a sudden, up comes this gigantic wave,

and we sink like a rock.

Well, I start swimming towards shore.

All of a sudden, something bumps my leg.

- I think shark, right? - Right.

- You know what it was? - Porpoise.

Anyway, I grab his fin, and the porpoise and I,

we take off for shore.

but there are no bears in the Himalayas,

so it must be Bigfoot.

Well, I figure it's him or me.

Now, a female lion... she'll stalk you for days...

Max?

- We're here. - Where?

Up there.

Yeah, it would be.

If it's all the same to you, I think I'll head back now.

Afraid of a little climb?

This is a sacred place. You should not stay here.

Vaya con dios.

Hey, Max.

Maybe he's right.

You worry too much, Leo.

Let's go.

Give me your hand.

Okay, honey.

- Come on! - I got it! I got it!

I got it! I got it!

I got it.

Come on.

There better be some gold up here.

- Get your butt... - I'm coming, I'm coming.

- Don't let go. - Come on!

I can do it.

There's no cave here.

Hell, we made this climb for nothing.

No, it's here.

Behind that tree.

Wait!

- We can't go in. - Why not?

There's someone in there.

You saw something?

No, but... I'm sure there's some old people in there... sleeping.

Well, we'll be real quiet.

Wonder how far it goes.

Hello!

Hello!

It's like a burial ground.

Old people...

sleeping.

Well, it's a bust.

Hey, Max, Patricia's gone.

I swear I'm gonna get a leash for that woman.

Patricia!

Hey, you guys, I'm in here!

Welcome, gentlemen.

I really don't believe this.

Hey, what's this?

Wow... Aztec, Mayan...

There's a date...

1527, but it doesn't make any sense.

What about this?

Oh, that's 16th century. Spanish conquistador.

How about you, pal? Can you tell us anything?

Nope, I didn't think so.

Look what I found.

I knew it! I knew we'd find something!

Oh, man, that's the real deal. Look at that.

It's beautiful.