Shameless

I was here last week.

Where the fuck were you?

My liver is finally giving up.

- What do we do? - Nothing we can do,

unless somebody wants to give me their liver.

Stan gave me the bar.

Why would you want it?

Have you looked at the books lately?

Someone from your family can donate

- a portion of their liver. - Ow!

Why don't you find out if their blood

matches your father?

I need you to test this.

Take a look.

Two babies?

Nope. Mm, three.

Triplets!

I got a magic penis, man.

Okay, who has read ahead to chapter seven?

I'm only 13.

Uh, okay.

Cool.

He's dying.

He drank through the liver that he had, and he wrecked it.

And now he wants to wreck mine.

- No. No way. - It's okay, son.

If Fiona won't do it, I'll get my other daughter to.

Debbie's too young.

My oldest daughter, Samantha.

What?

That is the last time

I let you choose the tunes in the morning.

Oh, yeah, you just keep acting

like you hate British boy bands.

- I think it's adorable. - Everybody hates them.

I'm sorry I'm not a 12-year-old girl.

Yeah, well, I usually don't go lower than 14.

And, you know, next time we can listen

to your gangsta rap.

Since when is Kanye considered gangsta rap?

Uh, since always. Where'd you learn about music?

- You living on Mars? - Your mom...

- Oh, yeah? - Last time I banged her.

Oh, yeah, that makes a lot more sense.

She has awful taste.

Hey, you know, you can leave

some of that stuff here if you want.

- What stuff? - Makeup, underwear, shampoo.

Oh, wow. This is serious.

Work outfit or two... just stuff.

Uh-huh. I'll think about it.

Or I could just stay at your place.

We talked about this.

- No way. - We have not.

No, we have not talked about this.

You always just say, "It's complicated."

- It's very complicated. - Well, try me.

Okay. My father, who now lives with us again,

drank himself into liver failure

and is trolling his children for a new liver,

including an older daughter that none of us knew about.

You have another sister?

- I probably have 20. - (LAUGHS)

Just when I think I've peeled the onion on Frank,

- bam, another layer. - Right.

The upside is I'm getting real good

at not giving a shit.

Well, it sounds to me like maybe you do give a shit.

Get your hearing tested. Can I use your toothbrush?

- Gross. Yes. - Thank you.

Oh, hey, don't forget... dinner at my parents' place tonight.

- (CRYING) - Ooh. I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry, sweetie.

I'm so sorry. Hold on.

Hi, Fiona.

Is that Liam screaming?

Well, yes.

Yes, I was just clipping his nails,

and I just nicked him a little bit.

- I'm out of practice. - Is he okay?

Yes, he's fine. He's totally fine.

How's Debbie and Carl?

I feel like I haven't seen them in forever.

Carl just left for school,

and Debbie's getting ready.

And she's been teaching me how to use my new iPad.

I found this genealogy app,

and it turns out I'm 1/32 Menominee Indian.

- Huh. Who knew? - Anyway...

- Is that a dating site? - Well, yes, it is.

And it turns out, there's 11 Christian dating sites,

and there's a lot of eligible bachelors

in my neighborhood.

And they all seem mostly normal.

Well, I will be home right after work.

Thanks again for watching the kids overnight.

- I hate leaving them. - Oh!

It's no problem. It's been so fun.

Have a good day, okay?

Hey, sweetie, it's freezing outside.

I'll be indoors. Breakfast?

Well, there wasn't any eggs or milk or bread.

- I'm starving. - I'm sorry.

Can you pick up something on the way to school,

like an Egg McMuffin or something?

I gave Carl some money so he could buy

some groceries after school.

Ooh, what was that?

Oh. Oh, wow.

I got poked. I got poked.

I got poked back by the American Indian guy

that I poked yesterday. What do we do?

"We have a lot in common."

I am full-blooded Kickapoo Indian.

I love laughter, food, scenic views, and the Lord.

- "Let's talk." - (GASPS)

Now what?

Uh, ask him if he's DTF.

DTF. What does that even mean?

Okay, I got to ask him if he's DTF.

Oh, God.

You okay, dad?

Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm fit as a fiddle,

except I-I ran out of Perckie Cs last night.

Is there anything I could do?

Get more.

Is that her?

So that's my daughter.

Wow. She's kind of beautiful.

Looks like you in skank form.

Thank you, son.

Does that make me an uncle?

Yes, indeed.

Now what?

Well...

I give her a taste of the old Gallagher magic.

You... you got any cash?

Sheila gave me $40 for groceries.

Hand it over. I need weed.

Son, I can hardly walk.

I think ambulation takes precedence.

What will we eat now?

You're a bright kid.

I'm sure you'll figure out something.

Look...

Here...

There's enough for bread and TP.

Shoo.

Get hard drugs.

Make daddy proud.

- You can't be serious. - I set my alarm for 6:00 AM.

Excuse is the refuge of the moral coward.

Dude, I got three hours of sleep.

I was up all night studying for econ.

So did every other jerk on morning shift.

It's called work-study, not study-work.

I'm trying, asshole, all right?

- Cut me some slack. - Try harder.

Walnut and raisin dishes are empty.

Steam table is covered in syrup.

Clean that up, make a new batch,

and lose the 'tude, dude.

This one looks like Kev.

This one looks like me.

And this one either looks like my cousin Troy

or Marvin Gaye.

Yeah, I just came here for the painkillers.

Uh-uh.

If you think I'm gonna load you up

on my hard-won, top-shelf pharmaceuticals pro bono,

you are one fry short of a happy meal.

No freebies, not for you, not for anyone.

You're charging me for drugs now?

Honey, we are in survival mode.

- What happened to ghetto nurse? - She became a capitalist.

I could sell for you...

big market for oxy in middle school.

No. Vamos.

I got to get ready and go to the bar.

Go.

Bye.

Wow.

You're in bad shape.

Well, tell me something I don't know.

Could I see your card?

Yes.

It's legit too,

not like these whiners.

Are you looking for anything specific?

Uh, yeah.

Something to make me not feel