Accidentally on Purpose

Previously on Accidentally on Purpose

I'm thinking of going home with a guy

who may be significantly younger than me,

And I just need to know

If the situation is empowering or desperate?

- Is he over 18? - Yeah.

Empowering.

I'm just not a one-night stand kind of person.

I just never do things like this.

Oh.

So this is the spot where we...?

- Yep. - Okay.

Your first pregnancy test.

That's adorable.

- Yay! - No!

My god, a nursery

She need did the bears.

He's better at skulls, but we went with the bears.

I really like what you bring to my apartment.

- You want me to stay? - Yeah.

I miss you.

You should miss me

I'm fantastic.

Remember our whole boundaries conversation?

Yeah, but when you said "don't touch my stuff",

I thought you meant like your soy milk and your computer.

Yeah, no, I meant don't touch my stuff.

- Baby? - Yeah, she's having my baby.

Cool, huh?

- What? - I've got to update my facebook status.

Oh, yeah.

I assumed video figure skating would be physically hard.

I had no idea it would be this emotionally demanding.

Dude why are you playing is a girl?

Because when I spin around, my skirt comes up.

I'd like to see that.

You got a tight little cartoon butt.

You know, at first I wasn't really down

with you moving in with pregnant lady.

I mean, this setup is so much better than my place.

No roaches, no mold...

It's a box.

Billie! Box!

Oh, did you see that?!

Did you see me stick that landing?

Yeah.

You look good as a small Asian woman.

I think it's from your office.

Huh.

Oh, it's from James, my ex-boyfriend.

He sent my stuff back.

All the little reminders

that I purposefully left at his house

have now been returned to me.

Well, that's kind a kick in the nuts.

That is the move of a true breakup master.

No CDs hitting you in the head,

No chicks doing little chick punching.

Yep, this is definitely how I'm gonna break up

with my first girlfriend.

Dude, enough.

All I'm saying is, if she was remotely good in bed,

He would have delivered the box himself

so he could hit that one more time... ow!

What the heck was that?

My chick punch.

He mailed you the box?

Oh, that is the work of a breakup master.

So I've heard.

Why did I date the breakup master?

Why can't I meet the relatiship master?

Oh, no...

So did you open the box?

No, it's too painful.

The only way I'd be able to do that is

If I got plastered first, but I can't do that

because, pparently, that's bad for the baby.

Mama loves you.

James.

Uh, yes, Bob,

Uh, I understand your point of view.

There's nothing in your ear.

I, uh, had a chip installed.

I got your lovely box.

So we're good? Great.

I'm just glad that douche is out of her life, with his car

and his man-tan and his...

package delivery service.

Zack, you are right down the hall from her

and you're a good guy and she's having your baby

and bang... just like that, he's married.

Come on, that... that is insane.

No, it's not. Know why?

'Cause it happened to my cousin Earl.

Oh, I heard that dude was a player.

Was.

You want to know what he plays with now?

His kids.

Guys, guys, don't stress him out.

She's not going to try to marry him.

She's just gonna mold him

into a boring, funless drone

who is to accompany her to the fabric store.

I mean, shark week?

That's canceled.

Peeing in the sink?

Finished.

I mean...

She's going to have your balls in a bear trap.

But other than that, you are all good.

Wonder if James is already dating someone else.

Maybe she needs the drawer.

She probably has a lot of stuff.

You guys are great.

It's going to be okay.

You know what?

You are right, because in all romantic comedies,

The heroine starts out in a very bad place,

like in Ghost, Demi Moore's her fiance was killed,

Or in 50 first dates, Drew Barrymore had a head injury.

In Pretty Woman, Julie Robert was a freaking hooker.

The worse it is at the beginning,

The happier the ending.

The gentleman overthere sent you a drink.

Oh, my god.

Chills.

I had a terrible day, I got the box,

But now I'm moving ahead and a guy sent me a drink...

which I can't have, but still...

Holy yes, batman.

I'm going to unbutton this button

and go over and thank him.

What? No, put those away.

What if he asks you out?

You're saying it wrong.

What if he asks you out?

It's settled.

I'm going in.

Oh, look at her go.

She's giving him her number.

Hair toss, hair toss,

And walk away...

And...

He asked me out.

Abby, get that snarl off your face

And laugh like I just said something funny.

Are you at least going to tell him you're pregnant?

At some point.

But if you don't shut up, I'm going to strangle you.

I would really like to see that.

What about Zack?

Are you at least going tell him

you're going to start dating?

Of course.

Now I am.

Do it with your top off.

I've delivered a lot of bad news that way.

I have got some bad news.

I, uh, slept with your best friend.

Phil, your ipod fell down the toilet.

They closed the Chili's next to the office.

Zack, do you have a minute?

Here comes a time in every pregnant woman's life

when she has to ask herself...

would Zack be uncomfortable if I started dating people?

Wow... no.

I did not see that coming.

So you're okay with it?

Yeah! Look at you, bouncing back from the box,

and in a way I did not expect

Well, look at you, dealing with this

in a way I did not expect.

'Cause this is working like a well-oiled machine.

A baby-making... but in a Platonic relationship...

well-oiled machine.

So I've never dated a lawyer before.

You gonna put me on the stand?

I'll put you wherever you want.

Okay.

I'm really glad I see that drink over

and having a great time.

Me too.

So, John...

What if you were watching a movie...

about an incredibly handsome lawyer

out on a date with a witty, effervescent movie critic...

and all of a sudden she says "I'm pregnant"?

You'd watch that, right?

Are you egnant?

A teeny, tiny bit.

Were you pregnant when we met?

Not as much.

So he reacted very badly to the fact that I was pregnant.

How badly?

Well, he was so anxiously leave,

He walked into a glass door,

which was funny, but...

Zack is with a girl on my couch, and, apparently,

She's telling him bad news because her top is off.

Hello...