Diagnosis

There is a place called The Promised Land.

Once a wonderful city of factories and revolution.

Powerful enough to change its people's destiny.

That city is disappearing.

Many inhabitants moved out, but some stayed.

Lay down comfortably. Calm yourself.

Breathe deeply.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Inhale.

Exhale.

When you hear a question, answer immediately.

Without thinking.

Remember, every answer is equally good and equally important.

If the city was an animal, what animal would it be?

A chameleon.

Because it changes its shape and colors depending on the mood.

Chameleons often become gray, especially when they're sick.

The sick ones have no colors, they're just grayed out.

It would be an ox, because it always reminds me of hard work.

But a wounded ox.

Why wounded? Because…

this city always had many open wounds.

For me, it's a termite.

- A termite? - Yes.

- Can you explain? - Yes. It's because

a termite mostly consists of a mouth. It reminds me of a tree being devoured.

You're so dejected.

Can't be completely yourself.

You feel like you're devoured.

Ghosts. There's a lot of ghosts here.

You see them everywhere you go.

Other cities are healthier, you know, not so…

There, you don't feel like

everything's gone to waste.

I haven't felt any warmth here.

Even though I spent my best years here, you know?

If the city was a color, what color would it be?

- Blue. - Why?

Because I often look at the sky.

- What's your name? - Damian.

- Damian? - Yes.

I'll call you by your name.

You know why you're here?

- Here? - Yes.

- Now? - Yes.

I just wanted to.

Who's there?

My voice is fucking awesome. That was fast.

The fuck you're talking about?

- Nice. - Seriously?

- You're not messaging Grażyna at all? - Don't have any cell credit left.

- I gave her my number. - Did she message you?

No, cause she doesn't know if I'll reply.

Dating always starts with people fucking lying all the time,

asking what you're doing and so on. People lie all the fucking time.

And when they're actually together,

they show their true colors, right?

- Happened twice for me. - Jesus, I just fell in love. Just now.

That's the moment.

- Think she'd go on a date? - No.

- No? - No.

That's a girl you buy an expensive drink.

- Not the kind you ask out for a beer. - Nope. She won't drink a cheap Tatra.

- Not in an alley. - Or a staircase.

Fear just…

eroded everything inside my body.

I was afraid of even…

For the first few days.

Just felt confused, wondering what's next.

Would I be able to fall asleep? Would I wake up or not? You never know.

I didn't know who I'd share a cell with, if I'd be alone or not.

Would I wake up or not?

Would I get beaten in the morning, evening or afternoon?

I knew nothing, just lived day by day.

I always wondered what it's like inside, you know?

I finally found out…

when I crossed the prison walls.

Imagine the city is a human being.

What gender is it?

I think it's a woman.

And I think that…

She's kind of distracted. She doesn't have…

In her feminine body,

there are these compulsions acting against herself.

Forcing her to do things that are…

not in the city's best interest.

I don't know how anxious she is, what she's afraid of.

Those compulsions didn't die out. All the wrongdoing that's happened here…

The humiliation… It lingers.

What kind of mistress is the city?

I think there's a lot of shame,

when it comes to sex in Łódź.

The sexuality is a bit self-conscious.

Maybe because she's not that beautiful,

kind of gray, a bit wild.

She's not caressed,

not cutesy.

She's just average.

She doesn't stand out from the crowd when it comes to looks.

Even though she knows how she is, she won't settle for anything.

Anything is not enough.

I was wearing a red sweater and a carmine lipstick.

I had a young admirer, who reminded me of a cherub.

He kept accosting me.

Yes, I was surprised, and asked him:

"A youngster who likes older ladies?"

Don't know why I asked.

He answered: "No, not older ladies, but just you."

I thought: "How bold!"

And then he kissed me passionately on the lips.

My lips were really carmine

and he really looked like he was 18. I tried to wipe my lipstick from his lips.

I thought: "He's so young…"

And instantly felt responsible.

I really have to be with somebody.

Only when I'm dating,

when someone decides they want to be with me,

that's what allows me to live, and what gives my life meaning.

That's my dream, even though…

I don't put as much energy into it as I should.

Starting a family.

To go through life with someone.

To always be able to share all the smallest joys

and the biggest joys in life with someone else.

Are you seeing anyone?

There's this girl who I really like talking to.

She's definitely not a stunner,

but she's not ugly either.

I think she's just kind of my equivalent.

Damn, that's so cool!

Christ, how awesome!

Yeah!

- Jesus, are you holding on? - Yes.

Don't know what I'm holding on to, but I am.

Is it a serious relationship?

It has some potential, but I'm not sure yet.

Sometimes I ask myself a question:

"Do you want to be with this girl or with any girl?"

"Dude, how do you feel about her? Does it make sense?"

I mean, our conversations are amazing.

Okay, maybe she's not…

She's not ideally beautiful.

Look into the mirror, dude. Are you Brad Pitt? No, so…

Give yourself a chance.

They said I was as pretty as an angel…

I think I was a bit lost and insecure.

I used to pretend I was doing great,

but when it came down to it, I wasn't doing that great.

When I fall in love, I'm obviously interested, but I also run away quickly.

Were you ever ready to build a lasting relationship?

If there were a man stubborn enough to stay with me…

A man so…

Maybe they were as afraid of me as I was afraid of them.

The feeling always brought emotions.

Some uncertainty, a kind of pain, feeling torn, you know?

But I would free myself from it, break up and…

Yeah…

I think I've hurt many girls.

Always thought I could have something better

and later it turned out I had lost something really valuable.

What part of the city do you live in?

In its heart, I think.

I'd live in its heart.

Though sometimes it's a painful residence.

I guess I wasn't able to really make a life for myself.

Because I'm not with the mother of my son. We're divorced.

And I'm living with my mom.

What kind of a mother is the city?

I don't know, I guess she a mother, but a strict one.

On one side she provides in some way for the people living here,

but on the other hand, she drains them, she takes away a lot.

And…

She doesn't allow the city to reach its highest potential.

What's your mother like?

She's losing everything that is most valuable in a human being.

Her memory, affection…

She's slowly losing it, and she will be losing it until there's nothing left.

Only a body.

Not to love on a night like this is a sin You can close your heart to love

And turn it Into the strongest of all keeps

On a night like this It's as if someone cut all ties

Love is creeping into hearts on its own

Not to love on a night like this is a sin

When a heart is missing a heart

Without it laughter is just an empty sound

And wine loses its taste

Not to love on a night like this is a sin

When a heart aches for a heart

Lift the toilet cover. On your own.

Don't sit on it, lift it.

Now pull your panties down, mom.

- And you pee into the white bowl, right? - Right.

All of them to your knees. To the knees, mommy.

No. You didn't pull down all of them. Below the knees,

or you'll pee in your panties. Please.

Lower. All of them. Put your hand in and pull them down.

Good. You still have to pull down the third pair.