The Middle

Out here in the middle, if you go out of town,

your neighbors look out for you.

They'll bring in your mail, water your plants,

and sometimes they even take care

of your dead aunt's emphysemic old dog.

Oh, she was no problem at all.

Oh, wow!

Where's the wagon? And the oxygen tank?

You know what?

After a few days, she just perked right up.

And we weaned her off all the pills.

You just needed to regenerate lung tissue, didn't you?

Oh, yes, you did!

And the diaper?

Yeah, she hasn't had any accidents.

But we could still use it when we want to sleep in, right?

I guess.

Oh, and we've been feeding her only chicken and rice.

I figured you wouldn't get to make any till tomorrow,

so here's some to give her for dinner.

Wow. She looks so young and vibrant.

Maybe I should stay with you for a few days.

Okay, Doris, you ready to come home?

Ohh!

Doris, come on. Oh.

What are you supposed to be?

Dad, I told you... it was '60s day at school.

I'm a hippie...

but the good-girl one, not the druggy one.

It's spirit week,

so we dress up as something different every day.

Didn't you notice yesterday I was dressed as a baby?

Sure, Sue. Let's say I did.

Well, apparently, Doris would rather live

over at the Donahues' than here.

Get in line, Doris.

Do we know what we're having for dinner?

Chicken and rice.

Don't tell Darrin. I'll meet you in the bedroom.

Okay. I'm gonna go change out of these groovy duds.

Peace out, my brothers.

That's '60s, right?

Mrs. Heck, I need to talk to you

about a matter of extreme importance.

As you know, Saturday is Valentine's day.

Or, as we call it, Saturday.

Well, I'm planning

a big Valentine's day Scavenger Hunt for Sue,

and I need your help.

Ohh. Really, Darrin?

No, it's super-small...

only 10 locations and a surprise at the end.

So I'm gonna need you at a bench in the mall in a cowboy hat.

Yeah. I'm not doing that.

Okay, would you be willing to give her the first clue here?

That, I can do.

Great. I'll get my mom to do the mall thing.

She's always there power-walking.

Anyway, I'm gonna go sit on the couch now.

Pretend like nothing happened.

I'm just whistling for no reason.

Who am I to throw stones?

Hey, Brick. So, what about you?

You doing anything with Cindy for Valentine's day?

Oh. Right. Cindy.

I'm not sure we're still going out.

What do you mean, you're not sure?

I don't know. We haven't really talked for a few months.

Why? Did something happen?

No, nothing I can think of.

She might have been sick for a while.

Or she moved.

No, wait... she sits behind me in homeroom.

Well, before I go to the drugstore

and drop 99 cents on a box of candy,

it'd be nice to know.

Cindy, are we still going out?

Yes.

Okay.

Ooh. Hey, check this out.

Canned cheese on cheese.

Oh. Huh?

Mm.

So... Saturday's Valentine's day.

Ugh. Valentine's day. Bleah!

Yeah.

You want to do something?

No. I hate Valentine's day.

Seriously, don't get me anything,

or I'll punch you in the neck.

Really? Not even flowers?

You get me flowers, I'll make you eat them.

Heart on a cracker? Huh?

I knew there was a reason I liked you.

Okay, you know what?

The Donahues aren't that great.

We treat you pretty good around here.

You don't think I'd like to lie on the couch all day

and chew on an old belt?

I would.

Well, I checked,

and Cindy and I are definitely still an item.

Shoot. Then I guess you're gonna have to do something.

Will I? It's on a Saturday. I won't even see her.

Brick, people who like each other

like to spend time together.

Mike! I'm talking to your son about dating! Get in here!

No.

Mike, seriously, get in here! Talk to your son!

No! I've got nothing to add.

Look, if you really like Cindy...

Oh! The chemistry between us is undeniable.

Then you got to do a little something,

even if you just invite her over and take her out for ice cream.

Well, I do like ice cream, and I do like Cindy,

so it's pretty likely I'd enjoy those things together.

Seems like a solid plan.

Ooh!

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Look, there's no question what we have

is a deep and special relationship,

but it's not "chocolate-covered strawberry" special.

These are for my lady.

Really? Oh!

I just thought you'd found a fun new way to eat fruit.

I didn't know you were dating anyone.

Hells yeah.

I've been laying some serious groundwork

with Macy from my history class...

two dates and counting.

And she's already got you doing stuff for Valentine's day.

Sucka!

Don't "sucka" me, sucka.

You got a straight-up girlfriend.

You're in deep on the 14th.

Nope. I am totally off the hook.

Devin doesn't want to do anything.

Yeah, right. No, really.

She told me if I got her anything,

she'd punch me in my neck, and I like my neck.

Seriously, Axl, how long have you been a dude?

There is no woman on earth

who doesn't want something for Valentine's day.

Me, I'm going all out...

roses, a bracelet, then I'm cooking her dinner

and making reservations at a nice restaurant.

Wait... you planned all that?

You guys only went on two dates.

It's Valentine's day, son...

the day upon which all men shall be judged.

Devin said she didn't want anything!

You hearing this, Kenny? You hear what this guy's saying?

Cindy, do you want to come over for Valentine's day

- and go out for ice cream? - Okay.

And then you'll kiss me.

So...

You will not believe all the crap Hutch is going through

for this Macy girl for Valentine's day.

Bracelet, cooking her dinner... dumb, right?

I don't know... it is kind of sweet

to think of somebody going to all that effort.

Really?

No, you big tool!

I told you I hate Valentine's day.

Bleah!

Seriously, character day was awesome.

All the football players dressed up like Disney princesses!

You know, I never used to understand

why football players dressed up like women was so funny,

but now that I'm a senior, I totally get it.

Speaking of special days,

did I overhear you and Darrin discussing Valentine's day

and some kind of surprise?

Not sure I know what you're talking about.

I definitely don't.

'Cause I casually mentioned to Darrin

that there's this sweater I like

with the word "believe" written across it,

and back then, I said I wanted the blue one,

but now I really want the red one,

so if he happens to ask again,

that's the one I definitely want.

But... Didn't hear it from me.

Brick, are you okay?

You haven't touched Doris' food.

Cindy expects me to kiss her in two days,

and I'm very apprehensive.

What are you talking about?

You kissed that girl in north Carolina.

No, I was the kissee. I've never been the kisser.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

It's like handing me the keys to a jet plane

and just saying, "fly."

Brick, it's not that hard.

I-it just sort of happens in the moment.

I need more than "it happens in the moment."

I can't be spontaneous unless I plan for it.

It's not a big deal.

You just stand there, close your eyes, and lean in.

But if my eyes are closed, how will I know where the target is?