Osmosis Jones

Dad, you have the coolest job.

Well, sometimes I think I should be hanging out

with a better class of animals.

'Oh, come on.'

Hey, have some class, will ya?

We got mixed company here.

You know, dad, genetically speaking

monkeys are our first cousins.

You mean, Uncle Bob's kids?

Yeah, I suppose I'd agree with that.

No, I'm serious.

Actually, some scientists say that monkey diets

are much more evolved than our own.

Oh, this is all about diets again, huh?

I'm just saying it wouldn't hurt

eating more fruits and vegetables.

Like, like monkeys do.

Honey, the reason that monkeys

eat so many fruits and vegetables

is because they're not smart enough

to butcher a cow.

Your mother, God bless her soul

didn't believe the old-fashioned ideas

about nursing, breast-feeding and all that.

Unh-unh. You were fed cheeseburgers as a baby.

Now look at you. You're as big as a house.

You're as strong as a bull. You smell like a cow.

Your cholesterol's probably a little high

but you know, they have medicine for that now.

You can get an angioplasty, it will all cleared out.

You're doin' great, honey.

Alright. I'll start workin' out tomorrow.

I'll start taking better care of myself, okay?

So does that mean you'll go on the school hike with me?

First things first.

Eat your lunch.

We'll talk about it later.

Hey, give me that egg, pal.

Give me the egg, friendly. Come on!

Dad! Dad, stop it! What are you doing?

Hey, that's my egg! Give me that..

It's just an egg, dad!

'Okay. Now I gotta choke ya.'

Ah-ha!

Ha!

Now who's evolved?

What's the matter, buddy?

All that salad slow you down?

Huh?

Dad! That's filthy!

Honey, ten-second rule.

Hits the ground, you pick it up within ten seconds

you can eat it. Mm.

Ugh!

Mm, mm..

'Saliva One, what do you got?'

'We have a 2-20 on an egg.'

'Echo gamma-gamma. Over.'

- 'Any mayo?' - 'Uh, that's affirmative.'

'We'll try and look in the bowels.'

'We need that mayonnaise. Over.'

'Enzyme breakdown in ten. Be careful out there.'

'You know, when I was a rookie cell'

'this place was clean enough to eat out of.'

Look at it now! Jeez! What a disgrace.

- See anything, kid? - Mmm. I do.

'Nice genes!'

You got the chromosomes in all the right places!

- 'Jones..' - What?

Ain't nothing a toothbrush can't handle.

'I wish you'd take this job'

'a bit more seriously.'

Yo! You see this badge? You see this gun?

You see this gooey, white

sackus, membranous around my personhood?

Here we go again.

Well, you dealin' with a white blood cell here!

'I should be out in the veins fightin' disease'

'not in the mouth on tartar control!'

You're lucky you ain't in a scab.

Uh-oh. Looks like we got some germs on that egg.

Mm, baby, it's Ozzy time!

It's probably gingivitis. Don't get carried away.

'Halt. You have entered the city of Frank.'

'Put your hands up and surrender for digestion.'

'Saliva One requesting ground support. Over.'

Bicuspid Four. We're in the vicinity.

'We're on it.'

'This is a private organism.'

There is no use running.

You up spit creek without a paddle.

'You see, don't make me mad'

''cause I will turn into a germicidal maniac.'

Halt. Saliva patrol.

Son of a botulism!

'They swiped the patrol car!'

- Get outta here! - Oh!

Uh-oh, you done, done it now!

Holy Frank!

'He's about to yawn!'

'We're getting sucked in!'

I told City Hall we need more sleep!

- Hold tight, kid. - Oh!

Osmosis jones to dispatch. We got multiple germs.

'I repeat, multiple germs coming down the windpipe'

'and if these bad boys hit the bloodstream'

'we're gonna be illin'!'

'I'm talkin' nose drippin''

'chicken soup drinkin', rectal thermometer stickin' illin'!'

- 'Request permission..' - Chief, listen to this.

Ha-ha, ha-ha!

'So, you got plans for the weekend, kid?'

Oh-ho-ho, yeah.

Me and my girlfriend are goin' down

to the kidneys to see the stones.

Good for you. They could pass any day now.

'All units down to the stomach.'

'Be on the lookout for illegal organisms.'

Jones! You wanna keep your job?

'Stay where you are and wait for backup.'

- But I can get 'em! - 'I said stay put. Over.'

'You heard the chief. We're out of our jurisdiction.'

'It's immunity's problem now.'

'We'd better get back up to the mouth.'

What the.. Hey, Jones!

Chief, you're gonna thank me for this later.

'Don't even think about it, pal.'

'Aren't you in enough trouble already? Jones!'

Oh, oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Slow down! Slow down! Oh! Oh!

Hey, hey, hey! Wait, wait-a-wha-what the.. Hey!

Hey, stretch, shouldn't you be up in the mouth?

Aw, come on, guys. This is my bust.

I saw 'em first.

Whoa!

Whoa!

Huh!

You want Osmosis, you got Osmosis.

Whoo-ah!

Huh?

Aah! Whoa!

Whoa!

Bye-bye, cop!

Sorry, baby, but it's time you take your medicine!

zap

clink

clink

Dang! Always pulls to the right!

Dad, what's wrong? What's wrong?

- Oh! Oh, it's a cramp! - Oh, my God. What's wrong?

Oh!

thud

Officer down!

Oh, these stairs are killin' me, honey.

We may have to move.

But, dad, there's only four steps.

Alright.

If you love it here

I'll build a ramp.

'Whew, I can't believe it.'

'It's been three hours since lunch'

'and we're still cleaning up this egg.'

Oh, man, would you look at all that gunk?

- Ha-ha-ha. - Seriously.

What does this guy do, roll his food around

on the ground before he eats it?

We need to send a letter to the mayor

about washing our hands before we eat.

zap