Family Guy

There you are, Peter.

Help me hang the stockings.

Not now, Lois. It's time for my favorite holiday movie,

Frosty the Snowman,

where a hero takes a little girl into the woods

and then brags that he can disappear whenever he wants.

Huh. I can't see the TV.

I must be dreaming.

Which means nothing's real!

- -

No, Peter, stop! You're not dreaming!

Yeah, and why was that your first move?

The TV's gone. We're cutting the cord.

We need money for Christmas gifts, so I sold it.

What?! This rageful anger calls for alcohol!

Where's Brian?

Peter, stop it.

What am I supposed to do without a TV?

Hang out at the Gap?

Could you please point me to your blandest shirt?

One that I'm guaranteed to see four other guys wearing

before I even get to my car.

Sure, it's right over there.

Just be careful while you're browsing

that you don't lose track of which white guy is you.

Oh, that looks good on me.

The Gap, the only clothing store

named for a taint.

Located between Vera Wang

and the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory.

Look, I know this seems like a big change,

but we don't need a television anymore.

Yeah, Dad. A single TV console is outdated.

Everyone just streams now on their individual devices.

Who is this person who speaks to me as if I needed his advice?

Dad, I'm just trying to bring you into the modern era.

I see.

- - Quiet up there!

Sorry! Just demonstrating I'm still relevant

by making a very old movie reference!

Peter, Meg was right.

We don't need a TV in the golden age of streaming.

"Golden age of streaming"?

Look, my streams are sporadic at best.

And last week, there was blood.

Can we have one holiday where we don't discuss Dad's rod?

Besides, all my shows are on network television.

How the hell am I supposed to watch Chicago Fire

- without a TV? - Who cares?

It's a lazy, formulaic show.

And it's not even filmed in Chicago.

Yeah, right. Tell that to the boys

putting out a blaze this week

in the famed Chicago Hills.

It almost burned down the Chicagowood Sign!

Peter, stop it.

God, you're going in circles,

like a desert vulture.

Hey, maybe we shouldn't always fly in a circle.

Sure. And maybe I can also have rough sex with your mother.

Whoa! Come on.

Well, that's how I feel about your idea.

We now return to Frosty the Snowman.

There was indeed some magic in that old silk hat,

along with duct tape, zip ties

and some very troubling Polaroids.

See? This is the kind of wholesome stuff

I'll miss without a TV.

Lois is right, Peter. Network television stinks.

Streaming is way more entertaining.

Yeah? Name one good show on "streaming."

Mare of Easttown!

- Fargo! - True Detective.

- American Rust! - Broadchurch.

That isn't about a person attempting to navigate life

in a small town in the aftermath of a murder.

Look, come on, just-just give streaming a chance.

Don't you want to watch something where,

if you miss even a second, you're hopelessly confused?

Yeah! Or a great premise,

which puts a lot of balls in the air,

followed by a horribly disappointing ending

that drops all of them?

And on HBO Max,

sometimes after the credits,

you can watch the actors talk about the show.

Yeah, I don't just want to see Connie Britton do a good job.

I want to see Connie Britton talking

about the good job she just did.

You know what I'm not hearing, guys?

Cedric the Entertainer telling a white guy

that he doesn't walk the right way.

Hmm. I may have to side with Peter now.

And you also haven't told me

about a single show with Sheldon.

For every program, I want to know,

is there a Sheldon

and at what stage of life is he?

He is the perfect dumb guy's version of a smart guy.

And I demand him on my television!

All right. I think I see how to untangle this knot.

Last Tango in Halifax.

- What? - You've never heard of Tango?

Well, Anne Reid and Derek Jacobi play Celia and Alan,

a couple reunited in their 70s after 60 years apart.

Sarah Lancashire plays Celia's formidable daughter,

Caroline. And N...

- -

Look, guys, I j... I don't like gritty, convoluted television.

I like the simple, comforting joy of network TV.

Peter, the point of TV isn't joy anymore.

It's to destroy you emotionally.

Who the hell wants to watch something happy

when you can watch Koreans fight to the death?

Well, I disagree. And I'm not letting Lois get away with this.

'Cause I miss my shows.

Like the comedy of Black-ish

or those classic New York conversations

at the beginning of Law & Order.

Hey, you see that Aaron Judge baseball hit last night?

Sure did. Right here in one of our five boroughs.

Oh, no!

I bet you a slice of New York pizza pie he's dead!

I can't believe you buy milk and bras at the same place.

God, we're trash.

What? Where's the fridge?

I sold it. You get rid of the things I love,

I get rid of the things you love.

I also sold that tiny Jewish hat you keep in the bathroom.

That was my diaphragm.

Ah. Well, Mort's gonna have a rough day at temple.

Look, just give streaming a shot.

After all, it can't be any worse

than when we went to the Florida panhandle.

Mmm. Ah, this shrimp is delicious.

Oh, God, my wife's choking!

Is there a doctor in the house?!

College graduate?

High school graduate?

Some high school with vocational degree?

Whoever gets the shrimp out of her windpipe can have it!

Well, I guess it's time to try this streaming thing.

Hey, what's our Netflix password?

Uh, I don't know. I use Quagmire's.

Squirrel Hunter?

The Truth About Kicking Your Leg During Sleep?

Only the Otis Scenes of Milo and Otis?

And Thirsty Romanian Coeds. All right!

We do have some overlap.

Okay, I guess I'll click "Forgot Password."

Now it's asking me to pick all the stoplights in a picture.

Huh. A stoplight in front of a movie theater

with a marquee reading Spotlight.

This might be a trick.

All right, "What is the first concert you attended?"

"Smash Mouth, the time they got bread thrown at them."

"Favorite pet?"

Wait, you're not gonna write "Bartholomew," are you?

No, no, no. I would never do that.

Kevin James?!

Hi, Peter. You were my last viewer.

And now that you've gotten rid of network TV,

I'm out of a job.

Well, you're a sitcom dad,

so if the couch accepts you, you can come in.

Road couch.

Wow! Kevin James!

I can't believe you're here!

Hey, guys, we got company!

No nude wandering!

Well, so much for Full Frontal Fridays.

Wait, triple "F" is a no-go?

Look, I'm here because now that I don't have

any viewers or a job,

I need you to take care of me.

What, is that some kind of rule?

Of course it is, Lois.

In network TV, if someone shows up at your door,

you have to take care of 'em.

It's the pilot of most shows.

Oh, really? Name 50.

New Girl, Two and a Half Men,

Punky Brewster, Perfect Strangers,

Frasier, Will & Grace,

Friends, Joey, Home Economics,

Mom, Dads, Cheers,

Hope & Faith, Raising Hope,

Full House, Fuller House,

- King of Queens... - That's good.

- I-I think we get it. - Oh, no, no.

No, this is a "name all 50" kind of show.

Too Close for Comfort, Mork & Mindy,

The Nanny, Mr. Belvedere,

The United States of Al, Yes, Dear,

Down and Out in Beverly Hills, the TV series,

Rhoda, Golden Girls,

Alf, Meego, Empty Nest,

Wings, My Two Dads,