Girls

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Three...

four...

five...

six...

seven...

eight.

One, two, three,

four, five, six,

seven, eight.

One, two, three,

four, five, six, seven, eight.

I just can't stop thinking about Jessa, you know?

Like, where is she?

What is she wearing? Is it linen?

What language is she speaking, you know?

Is she in a tropical climate

or, like, somewhere up high?

Oh, my God. Is she warm enough?

She's warm enough.

She's definitely warm enough.

Honestly, she's probably better off than any of us.

She's a fucking hustler, you know?

And not in the positive sense of that word.

I just-- I miss her so much.

Will you hold these?

Shosh, you're falling for this.

This is what she does.

She, like, fucks shit up, leaves,

and blames it on, like, her marriage

or her relationship with her dad.

But, like, this is what she does.

This is classic Jessa.

I just don't think Hannah seems to care.

She does care. She's just working

really hard on her book.

Oh, my God. We totally forgot to talk about Charlie

selling his app, "Forbid."

Wait, what? Charlie has an app?

- Yeah. - Yeah. Forbid.

He sold it to, like, a very esteemed business tycoon

for, like, a very large sum of money

and now he has a corner office

in said tycoon's Chelsea building

with, like, 11 employees.

- Charlie has a company? - Yeah.

He's basically become a bougie nightmare.

I'm sorry.

I have-- I have to go.

We may never see her again.

I do not trust anyone anymore.

Seriously, the fabric of life is just--

Radhika!

Oh, my God. Shoshanna?

Radhika!

Shoshie!

Oh, my God. Radhika!

Radhi-- you're rollerblading.

Aren't these so funny and vintage?

Vintage.

You're about to make me cry and I don't even know you.

This is my boyfriend Ray.

Oh, love it.

Now I know where you've been all summer.

Um, I mean, like, what do you mean?

I've-- I'm, like, right here.

You know, I haven't-- I've been here.

Well, I'm just so happy to see you.

You guys should come to my impromptu tonight.

We will so come to your party.

- Oh, my God. - Great, I'll text you the deets.

I'm going to J.Crew. I'm going shopping,

and I'm gonna be so late.

- Oh, love you. - Bye, lovie.

- Kisses. Bye. - Bye.

She's the richest Hindi I know.

We are not going to that party tonight.

Why?

I don't even know where to begin explaining that to you.

Um, do I need to explain to you

that she said, "I know where you have been all summer"?

Okay, seriously?

I am a girl who has found love and then disappeared,

and my worst nightmare is that someone knows

or thinks that I've died when I haven't,

and I'm living that.

First of all, you know I don't like it

when you use air quotes.

Pantomime to express your emotions is a crutch.

We've talked about that.

Secondly, I'm a 33-year-old man.

It's creepy for me to go to a college party.

You have to understand that.

I think it's creepy for a college senior to go to a college party.

Okay, well, I don't think it's creepy and I'm going.

Okay, well, fine. Have a good time.

- Fine. - Fine.

Shosh!

I would like to thank everybody

that spoke this afternoon.

Now, final order of business.

Next week's cookies.

I've been the only person buying cookies

for the last three or four weeks.

And it might be nice

if somebody else decided to step up and buy a batch.

Aw, come on, guys. It's part of the deal.

Hi, I'm Adam and I'm an alcoholic.

Group: Hi, Adam.

- Um... - Hi, Adam.

I've been sober since I was 17.

Um...

I knew I had a problem pretty early on

and I dealt with it because I didn't want to wait

and I knew it would just get worse.

I felt pretty solid after I stopped drinking.

I stopped coming to as many meetings,

but lately I haven't felt so solid anymore, so...

I have this girlfriend who at first I didn't like very much.

Or I didn't take her very seriously, I guess.

She just seemed like, you know, a piece of ass.

But she was persistent, man.

And she just hung around

and hung around and showed up at my place.

And gradually it started to feel better when she was there.

It wasn't love the way I imagined it.

I just felt weird if I didn't know what she was up to or whatever.

And I liked knowing that she was just gonna be there

and-- warm and staying the night.

And she acted like I was teaching her everything

about fucking history,

about sex.

She didn't know what street Central Park started on

or how to use soap and I showed her.

And I wanted that chance to show someone everything.

But she changed her mind about me and it was that fast.

I'm so exhausted.

Okay.

And I'll bring cookies.

I don't really like cookies that much,

so don't get mad at me if I bring the wrong shit.

Thank you, Adam.

So, Adam's bringing the cookies.

Honey.

- Me? - Yeah, you.

Yeah, uh, hi.

Oh, my, God's teeth. You are tall.

Yeah, I'm a little taller than average, yeah.

How tall are you, 6'2"?

- 6'3". - Ha!

That's a very respectable height.

Oh, my God. Yeah, that's good.

I'm en-- I'm enjoying it, yeah.

Yeah, listen. I gotta tell ya.

I'm just gonna tell ya. I'm very impressed by you.

Your honesty.

I want you to meet my daughter.

I want you to.

Really, I don't even usually encourage her dating

because she is a very nice, busy girl.

But God damn if you're not cuter than a dimple on a bug's ass.

- Jesus Christ. - Ha!

- ( laughs ) - Oh, thank you.

- Yeah. - That was scary.

- Really? But I like you. - No.

Oh, thanks-- thanks.

Um, uh, no.

Wonderful. So you'll give her a call.

You'll give her a call. Her name is Natalia.

I will tell her that you'll be calling her.

I'll tell her you'll be calling her.

Oh, you've got a phone, right?

Yes, I do. I do have a phone.

Fabulous.

I mean fabulous.

- Fabulous. - Fabulous.

Yeah.

Man: So, I'm gonna have my assistant send over

the new Jack Johnson album. You're gonna love it.

Nah, dude, that's all right.

- I'm not too in-- - Trust me, you're gonna love it, okay?

And when you love it, we're going the 29th.

- All right. - Take care.

Okay, see ya.

Funny.