Glee

Here's what you missed on Glee.

Rachel got the lead in Funny Girl on Broadway...

and Kurt announced he's starting a band.

Sue framed Figgins, so now she's the principal, and Becky's her Beckretary.

I plan on installing Becky as my secretary...

and I will refer to her as... my Beckretary.

There's a new bitch on the Cheerios, and her name's Bree...

and there's a new school nurse, and her name's Penny. - Penny Owen.

And she gave Sam a shot in the butt with her Cupid syringe...

and now he's got the biggest crush ever.

It is your responsibility to dance with me.

Jake and Marley have found true love, so you know that's gonna last.

It's me and you against the world.

And that's what you missed on Glee.

Ripped By mstoll

All right, big week, guys. Come on, gather round. I have here in my hand-

Drumroll, please-

a secret list of the show choirs that we will be in competition with...

at nationals in six weeks.

- Ooh! -

Okay, let's see what we've got.

We've got the Rust Belters from Pittsburgh...

the Thunder Show Cats from Gainesville-

and finally, from Fort Wayne, Throat Explosion.

No!

Why, God?

- Uh, what? Throat Explosion-that's a joke, right?

Anything but. They're the new super group...

the show choir underground's been buzzing about.

Their budgets for costume, makeup- hair alone-are astronomical.

You guys have read that Malcolm Gladwell book Outliers, right?

So, Gladwell says you can't possibly master anything...

unless you've spent 10,000 hours practicing it.

So students can't even join Throat Explosion...

without proving they've logged in 10,000 hours of show choir rehearsal.

They don't even go to class. They just perform every minute of every day.

They live their art. They know no boundaries.

They're constantly pushing the envelope, living and performing on the edge.

- They're like mini Lady Gagas. -

We're so screwed. They're not like Vocal Adrenaline, who were unfeeling Borg robots.

They're total outsiders and misfits, which used to be our niche.

We can't compete with Throat Explosion anymore at that level...

because we lost our biggest Gaga when Kurt graduated last year.

Look around. We're a room full of, like, Katy Perrys now.

You'd best check your spectrum, Queen T...

because orange is the new black, and Unique is the new Gaga.

Well, not Marley. She's a Katy Perry.

- So is Sam, so is Blaine. - I'm a Katy Perry, and I'm proud of it.

The truth is, Tina, we're a potent mix of Katy Perrys and Lady Gagas in here.

But it's not a liability. It's the way we're gonna beat Throat Explosion.

Now some of us in here are, you know, ambi-edge-

"Ambi-edge"? You just make that up?

Some of us are more, you know, wholesome, innocent...

romantic, all-American girl-and-boy-next-door types.

Who in here would describe themselves as a Gaga?

Okay, great.

- Uh, and the rest of you are Katys? - Is there a third option?

We're gonna mix it up a little bit.

We're turning our weaknesses into our strengths.

This week, the Katys will get their Gaga on...

and the Gagas will bring the Katy.

Throat Explosion does their one thing very, very well.

But we need to be able to do both impeccably...

or else we're not gonna have a chance in hell of winning nationals this year.

Here's your check.

Where have you been? You said you were only gonna be five minutes late.

I was at Cooper Square. I was putting an ad in the Village Voice...

- for my new band. - Wait, you're starting a new band?

Yes, yes. Well, I sort of have to...

'cause Adam kicked me out of the Adam's Apples...

when he found out I was engaged.

Well, what kind of band are you starting? Are you taking girls?

Well, originally, I was thinking of a Madonna cover band...

but I think I want it to be more organic than that, so, yes.

Girls will be in it, and I was hoping the three of you...

could spare me the agony of open auditions by signing up.

I don't know, Kurt. I think it's just a little too soon.

Rachel, Finn wouldn't want you sitting on the sidelines while life passes you by.

I know. It's just that with whatever strength and creative energy I have...

it has to go towards Funny Girl.

Joining a band now would be a little too much.

But thanks.

- Well, you've got me. - Yes!

What about you, babe?

Okay, I guess. But listen- if we're going to be a part of this band...

we don't just get to help with the set list.

We also get a say on who joins, right?

Sure, as long as you don't go all crazy Nicki Minaj on me...

I'll see you at auditions.

Oh, hi.

Hey. What's up with your arm? Is that a tattoo?

No. It's just a temporary one.

I like to tat up when I go to Skrillex concerts.

Last time I was there, he spit in a cup and threw it on me.

Gross.

Well, cool. I guess I wouldn't have pegged you...

for the hard-core dance-punk-electronic a kind of girl.

I know, right? Last guy I dated-

I realize now-he's a total dillweed.

But I kinda liked his taste in music.

I think I have, like, a musical dark side.

- Whoa. - Who is that?

Oh, True Jackson, Lulu and, uh, Ryan.

- You haven't seen True Jackson, V.P.? - Mm-mmm.

Oh, my God. It's awesome. I have all three seasons on D VD.

Have you ever thought about what you would do if you landed your dream job...

as a big shot of a major company and you were only 15?

I mean, how would you decorate your office? Who would you hire?

True Jackson gets the chance of a lifetime...

when she's hired by her idol and made V.P. Of his fashion empire...

and then every week she has to navigate this scary new world...

because True Jackson's gone from homeroom to the boardroom.

Wow, Sam. This is not how I saw you at all.

Uh, weren't you a stripper?

Uh, we prefer the term "erotic entertainer."

- Huh. - I was gonna ask you, uh...

would you maybe wanna go out this weekend, like, um, on a date?

Um, actually, my ex is taking me...

to the Nine Inch Nails concert in Columbus this weekend.

- Not the dillweed. - Actually, yeah. It's cool. We're just friends now.

He bought the tickets when we were still dating...

and he really wants me to go and-

Anyway, look, I'll call you.

True Jackson, V.P.? Is that even on anymore?

No. It got canceled. Evidently, the people at Nickelodeon...

don't care about quality entertainment.

Don't judge me, dude, okay? I'm badass.

I play football and guitar, and I've been hillbilly hand fish in'.

I just-I happen to like sweet things too.

They relax me, which is why I like her so much.

But you said that she's into Skrillex and Nine Inch Nails...

so she clearly isn't exactly what she seems.

Exactly. She seems like a Katy, but she's secretly a Gaga.

And she only dates Gagas, and I'm a Katy.

Okay. Well, hold up. Penny likes Gagas, and you're a Katy.

But Mr. Schue's making all the Katys sing a Gaga song...

so we bring Penny in to see it...

and she's gonna get all weak in her Skrillex-loving knees...

and forget all about her douche ex-boyfriend.

And you, my friend, will have a new love of your life.

Yes.

This Katy-Gaga lesson is killing me.

It's like Mr. Schue did it on purpose to keep us apart.

I don't think he plans that much ahead.

I'm pretty sure he makes up these ran do lessons...

a split second before he writes them on the board.

Speaking of this week's lesson, are you still okay with dating someone so...

different than you?

I had Artie first, beyotch. You get my sloppy seconds.

Oh, snap!

I did not have sex with Becky.

So how long do we have to wait here?

This is humiliating.

I spent all my tip money renting out this room because I thought we'd have a turnout.

What did you expect? No one's gonna try out for a band...

that doesn't even have a name, although I came up with an amazing one.

Okay, we are not naming the band the Apocalypsticks, okay?

I am manifesting the perfect name, all right? It takes time.

Yeah, and in the meantime, no one signs up.

Well, one person did, but they obviously chickened out.

Maybe it's for the best. I mean, who names himself "Starchild"?

It's an homage to Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars.

Sorry I'm late. People kept stopping me on the street...

asking if they could take their picture with me.

Yeah, 'cause you look frickin' badass.

Thanks. I did design and sew this costume myself.

- Oh. - It's a little Project Runway -

Season six. Have you prepared a song?

Yeah, of course. It's by one of my favorite artists...

somebody that always inspires me to be myself no matter what other people think.