Carbon Copy

What are you trying to do, Walter?

Nothing tricky, dear.

Just husband and wife stuff.

Oh, you make me feel so used.

Why can't you do what considerate husbands do?

What do considerate husbands do?

They jog.

I'm 41 years old, Vivian.

Who knows when the magic will leave my body,

then will be the time to start jogging.

You have no right to force me, Walter.

The Bible says, woe unto the wife who turneth her back

on a horny spouse.

The Bible doesn't say that, Walter.

It did a long time ago.

It was edited out by a lesbian translator.

Vivian, I want you.

Walter, you're scaring me!

Nothing to be afraid of, sweet baby.

It's just an old friend coming for a visit.

Open the door.

Walter!

I said open the door!

Would you get off?

Buenos dias, Bianca.

Buenos dias, Senora Whitney.

Gracias.

Who the hell was that?

That was Bianca, the new housekeeper.

New housekeeper, where's Estelle?

Walter, I had to fire her.

But I liked her.

She kept forgetting her place.

Bianca just arrived from Guatemala.

Everyone's importing them from Central America these days.

They don't resent being treated like servants.

Why don't you import a husband

who doesn't mind being treated like a servant!

That's what I feel like, like I don't really belong.

Walter, you know how uncomfortable I get

when you just barge into the bathroom.

What are you ashamed of Vivian?

What is there to see that I haven't already seen?

Whether you want to admit it or not,

I've seen you naked, Vivian.

I've even laid you, Vivian.

Must you use that language in the bedroom, Walter?

This is not some cheap bar!

I could get more action in a cheap bar

than I get here!

Good morning, Mother.

Good morning, darling.

Mwah.

Morning, Walter.

Mary Ann.

Mother, is it alright if I go shopping this morning?

Of course, darling, as long as you're home by 6:00.

Shopping, you don't need new clothes.

Walter says I don't need any new clothes.

Of course you do, darling.

I'll talk with him later.

You committed a moral crime this morning!

Vivian!

That's why we're having all this trouble

in the country today.

We're a nation of sex-starved, frustrated men,

so we jog and vote for the death penalty!

I was shocked, Walter.

Shocked.

I did not try to rape my wife

in front of the housekeeper, Nelson.

Whatever my faults, I don't lack a sense

of the theatrical.

I majored in theater arts.

Now if I try to rape the housekeeper in front of my wide,

that's drama.

My daughter was in tears when she called me.

She had no right to call you.

Vivian's concern is your career, Walter.

Her upbringing has stressed the importance of that career.

Beware the wife who places the bed ahead of the office.

I've seen a dozen careers ruined

because of sexually aggressive wives.

A wise man can always make discrete arrangements.

I'm not the type of man who goes out cheating, Nelson.

Not cheating, Walter.

Not cheating.

Think of it as easing the pressures on someone you love.

You're a lucky man, Walter.

Then why don't I feel lucky?

Vivian, Mary Ann.

There's something wrong, Nelson.

I feel like I've blown up a beautiful balloon,

but I'm on the inside.

I'm lonely.

Learn to trust unhappiness, Walter.

You and I have shared many secrets.

I'll share today's secret by forgetting it.

Go throw yourself into your work.

I've never seen a happily married executive

that was worth a damn.

Thank you.

Hold on please, I'll see if he's in.

Oh, Mr. Whitney, there's a young man at reception

who wants to see you.

A Roger Porter.

I don't know a Roger Porter.

Mr. Whitney, he says to tell you

he's Lorraine Porter's son.

Have him sent up.

Lorraine Porter's son.

Lorraine.

Lorraine Porter.

Yeah.

Mr. Whitney, he's here.

Have him come in.

Lorraine Porter's son?

Yeah.

Yeah, this is cool.

Nothing ratty-tatty about this place.

And that's the way it should be up here

where the hog is fat.

No meat scraps.

We're talking T-bone steak here, huh?

And man, you're it, huh?

The big ace in the card deck.

Mmm-whee!

I'm sure glad our zodiac signs crossed.

It's like my horoscope said,

Capricorn, baby, consolidate your financial future today.

Here I was, thinking I was just another little

poor black orphan boy going to freeze

in the cold white world.

Lorraine...

Your mother's dead?

Gone.

Oh, I can't tell you how sorry...

I'm truly and deeply sorry.

Uh huh.

She was a very special person.

A dear friend.

Uh huh.

What about your father?

Oh, Mom never got married.

You know it is with us colored folks.

We ain't much for marrying.

What the hell kind of thing is that to say?

You don't talk that way about your mother.

Of course not being married didn't make my mother

less of a woman.

It just made my father less of a man.

I don't like you, Mr. Porter.

I've tolerated your incredible display

of bad manners because your mother and I were friends.

Dear friends.

Someone I knew very well.

No, you lived with her.

But you didn't know her.

Come on, let's lay it on each other straight.

Let's tell it like it was.

I don't believe it.

Lorraine was a lovely person.

Intelligent, cultured...

It's just too much of a shock for me

to accept you as her son.

Well, if that's too much of a shock for you,

you're liable to go into a coma when you get behind this.

Hi, Daddy.

Hey!

Your son?

There's things about me I never told you, Victor.

And you're my dearest friend.

I guess that's how we keep our dearest friends.

By only telling them the things that make us dear to them.

You didn't know about Lorraine,

or about me changing my name.

Changing your name?

From Weisenthal to Whitney.

Weisenthal.

What sort of name is that?

It's Jewish.

You better have a drag.

You'll feel better.

It's too late.

Too late!

Oh come off it, you're not in that kind of trouble.

I'm Jewish, my son is black, and my lawyer smokes pot.

Don't tell me I'm not in trouble.

Hey, it makes me feel better

and does not affect my judgment.

I delivered the valedictorian speech

at Harvard completely stoned!

Okay, okay!

Get me out of this spot, Victor, and I'll keep you

in grass the rest of your life.

You provide the facts,

I'll provide the solution.

Now who knows you changed your name?

Just Vivian and her father.

It was his idea.