The Cleveland Show

The Cleveland Show 2x05 Little Man on Campus Original Air Date on November 14, 2010

And that makes six wins in a row

for Stoolbend High baseball,

under the leadership of Coach Clarence Brown.

It's Cleveland Brown.

Who hasn't seen the post-season since his playing days in 1984.

As everyone knows, that was the year the Growlers lost State

to the Mud Falls Trotters,

General Motors shut down the plant,

little Missy White was found bludgeoned to death,

and Stoolbend's been in the crapper ever since.

And on a personal note, that was the year I tried sushi.

Didn't like it.

Never tried it again.

Hey, Angus, here's a question.

Which woman on Friday Night Lights

wouldn't you have sex with?

The mayor.

We'll accept that.

The mayor, or Saracen's grandma,

the only two possible answers.

Go, Growlers!

Betting on the Growlers is winning me a fortune!

Last week I made my first charitable donation.

$100 to Fight the Cure.

Don't you mean Find the Cure?

Nope. Fight the Cure.

It's America's only pro-AIDS charity.

If I got it, everyone's got to have it.

What makes you think you have AIDS?

I watched the Madonna episode of Glee.

You are an ignorant man.

Hey, let's hear it for Cleveland

who's gonna give my son Raymond some playing time

in the playoffs.

Yay!

Don't worry, Tim.

I'll put him in next game.

Really?

No. Not even considering it.

Raymond's a bad player.

Wha...? He is?

Cleveland, let me know what I can do to help.

Holt Richter, reporting for duty.

MVP of my Little League team.

You mean your very little league!

Ha! We devalue you

and your accomplishments due to your size.

Who is that?

Chet Butler.

My longtime rival

that you're just hearing about now for the first time.

That dirty-playing S.O.B. purposely beaned me

and knocked me out of the game, costing us the championship.

I still have the scar from where that pitch hit me.

So, what brings your slow-clapping ass into my bar?

Just taking my State Championship ring out

for a little walk.

Of course, you'll never know what that feels like... loser.

Yeah, well, you'll never know what losing feels like, winner.

You've won this round, Cleveland.

So I guess I do know what losing feels like.

I'm, uh, gonna go get a beer.

Well, I guess the crowd's reaction

isn't really a good indication of whose side they're on.

Wheel! Of! Fortune!

So, Junior, how's your wood shop project going?

Whee!

I'm making sawdust angels.

That's your project?

Who cares? It's shop.

It's not like a real class.

Not a real class?!

I'm sorry. I didn't see you, Mr. Thumbs.

That's what we call him behind his back.

You think these are funny?

I can't walk down the damn street

without people pulling over and asking if I need a ride.

They think you're hitchhiking.

You better get serious, young fella.

This project is worth 75% of your grade.

We get a grade in this class?

Well, if I fail shop, I'll disappoint my father,

and I've never disappointed my father.

Get your act together, Brown.

If your final project doesn't blow me away,

I will not hesitate to give you an "F."

You would "F" me?

Well, how do you even write down grades?

I report them orally.

That's right.

I will "F" you orally.

And the Growlers winning big in a blowout,

thanks to a strong outing

by deaf pitcher Oliver Wilkerson.

Okay, people, on your feet because it's time

to welcome the Growler himself, Sparky,

taking his traditional seventh-inning stroll

around the infield with ballpark owner Lloyd Waterman.

Sparky on the mend, recently bitten by a raccoon.

Seems he's recovered just fine.

Welcome back, Sparky.

There he is.

Come here, Sparky.

My star pitcher!

Somebody stop that dog!

He's my dog. I'll take care of it.

Oh, no.

I can't watch.

Good-bye, Sparky.

Oh, my patella!

Oops!

And down goes Sparky.

Third on-field execution of an animal this season.

And who says baseball's boring?

Cleveland, we're still going to State, right?

I got a lot riding on this team.

There's no way.

Without Wilkerson, we're like Kim Cattrall's bedroom.

Eight scared teenage boys just waiting for it all to be over.

It's hopeless.

Coach, you missed one!

Heads up!

Ow! Son of a bitch!

Where'd you learn to pitch like that?

Play catch with my mom every night.

She says it tuckers me out. It does.

Move it, kid.

Ha-ha! Holt looks like a kid.

Wish he was a kid,

so he could throw that knuckleball for our team.

Wait a minute.

Hmm. Hmm.

...and pitching for the Growlers,

rebel transfer student, Colt Koufax!

What a pitch from Koufax,

which I believe is a Jewish name.

Before you comment further, Gordy, remember,

everyone can hear what you're saying.

Jews are fine by me!

Let's go, Growlers!

Wow, Colt, you're such a good baseball player.

And you're so mature, with your five o'clock shadow

and your crow's feet and your graying nose hair.

Yeah, you look just like the teenagers on TV.

Yeah, I am pretty cool.

But one time at my old school, I took the whole day off.

Me and my best friend Cameron took his dad's Ferrari.

Drove all around Chi-town.

Picked up my girlfriend, Sloan Peterson.

Sang "Danke Schoen" on a float.

Meanwhile, Ben Stein's going,

"Bueller? Bueller?"

Got home just in time.

Didn't even get caught.

Awesome! Wow!

Your sister must hate you.

Mm.

Donna, don't let yourself fall in love

with another teenage bad boy.

Especially one who looks like...

Holt?!

Did she just call you "Holt"?

Uhh... maybe. Don't care.

Who cares what grownups say?

We're kids.

Incorporated.

Before your time... Our time.

Gotta go.

Coach Brown, a word!

Here we go.

Hey, baby.

Cleveland, please tell me you have nothing to do with

your best friend pretending to be

a baseball player on your team.

You're my best friend, Donna.

Ah, really?

No!

What the hell is going on?

Cheating to get to State.

I didn't hear that.

I said "cheating to get to..."

Cleveland, I heard you.

And the Growlers are one strike away.

Growlers go to State!

Growlers go to State!

My, oh my!

Championship game tomorrow night.

A rematch of 1984,

Stoolbend versus Mud Falls.

I think I'm getting the hang of this.

Hey, Junior, I just finished my project.

Wanna take a look see?

Wow, it's great!

And it gets even better.

This sheet's just covering it up so it's a surprise.

I'm going to blow Mr. Tanner's mind.

Nuh-uh! Nuh-uh!

No! You did not!