Magic Mike

Let's fucking get it on right now. Let's go.

Come on. Come on.

Here. Here.

Now, l want to go over a few rules with y'all tonight.

Ain't that all right? Don't worry about it. Rule number one.

This is the "What can you touch and not touch" rules.

Can you touch this?

No, no, no.

Second touch.

Can you touch this?

No, no, no.

And finally....

Last one, ladies. Can you touch this?

Can you ever touch this?

Well, that's who the law says that you cannot touch.

But l think l see a lot of lawbreakers up in this house tonight.

And l don't see a cop in sight.

All right?

Oh.

You know, l gotta go commando today because someone...

...ripped off my favorite pair of panties last night.

-Hey. lt's not funny. -Heh, oh, sorry, heh.

-They were my grandma's. -They were not your grandma's.

They could have been.

Can you throw me, uh, that shirt right there?

Hey, what are we gonna do about her?

MlKE : l don't know.

What was her name again?

What? l don't--

l'm sorry. What's her name?

Uh.

You don't even know.

-l do. -You found her. You have to remember her.

-l know her name. -What is it, then?

lt's....

Penelope.

Whatever her name was, she was fun.

That's a cool table. Where'd you get it?

MlKE: That's just some old shit that blew up on a beach after the last hurricane.

-You made that? -Hmm?

You should sell these things.

Tsk, thank you. That's actually the idea. Mike's Custom Furniture Concepts.

But the market hasn't really hit the sweet spot yet.

Hm, l'm waiting for the bank to make the competitive loans l'm looking for...

...and then l'll swoop in.

Cool.

l'm going to get out of here. You guys are good?

What? You're just gonna leave us?

Yeah. What, are you gonna steal a bunch of my shit or something?

Probably. That's what strangers do.

-Don't do that...maybe? -Okay.

MlKE: Okay. -Okay.

So l'm going to see you again?

Tsk, uh, yeah, probably. l don't know. l'll, uh, call you.

Bye.

MlKE: Where's George and the guys?

They fucked me and took another gig last minute. So l got these guys.

MlKE: Where'd you get them?

Uh, you know, ah, industry referrals.

MlKE: My dick. You got them off Craigslist? Heh.

l can't have fucking union guys around here...

...barking about benefits and shit. Give me a break.

So, what am l supposed to do in there?

-Hey, you Sol? Sal. Adam. -Sal.

Oh, Adam, how you doing? This is Mike. You guys are gonna be working together.

Give me a minute? l want to straighten something out there.

You can hop up there.

-You gotta be fucking kidding me. -What?

He's wearing fucking tennis shoes. He doesn't know--

Ah, heh, do me a favor, go up there and do it for 14 bucks an hour.

l'm gonna do it for 20 bucks an hour.

-l'll give you 1 8. -Mm-mm.

Don't fuck with me. You're like my son.

The son which you're gonna pay $20 an hour.

MlKE: What's up?

You ever, uh, tiled a roof before?

-No. -Fuck.

How'd you get this job, anyways?

Craigslist.

And you put on your post that you'd tiled houses before?

Yeah.

Right, ugh.

So, what do you got in your bag?

Why don't you open it up? There's nothing in it.

Why don't you open the fucking bag before l open your fucking head up?

l got a nice ham, cheese sandwich....

You know how to read, huh?

One Pepsi a day. Read the cooler.

l'm gonna do my inventory. lf l come up short, l'm coming right to you.

ls it dead?

What's that?

l can try to jump you off if you want, but it's not the battery.

l think you're probably fucked.

MlKE: Just tell them if they want to get into this...

...be up there. l'll see you at the Amp. All right. Later.

[UPBEAT ROCK MUSlC PLAYlNG ON CAR RADlO]

What are you doing? Stop. What the fuck are you doing, man?

Sorry.

lt's new. lt's gonna stay new if you don't rip off the damn plastic.

Why do you have that?

Because it protects it. l'm going to rip it off when l'm ready to sell it.

lt'll be like brand-new.

Where are you from?

Citrus Springs.

Did you play ball?

Uh, yeah. Strong safety.

You don't look like a strong safety.

l gave that, uh, college thing the college try. Didn't quite work out.

Couldn't resist the lure of the roofing business?

Yeah, that and the lure of my sister's couch.

Can you do me a favor and drop me off at my car tonight?

No, l'm sorry. l'm going to dinner.

l can take you tomorrow morning, though. What time do you have to be at work?

l need to talk to you about that, heh. The foreman, uh...

...he accused me of stealing. So l fucking quit.

-What? -Yeah, but l have....

Well, l had that interview at T-Mobile.

So, uh, yeah. They asked me to wear a fucking tie.

You know how l feel about wearing a fucking tie.

Why don't you just wear a tie?

Sorry. You know what my rules are.

Oh, God, brother.

What? l also...

...could do....

-What? -What?

-What did you say? -What did you hear?

You're doing that thing. You're doing that game.

-What game? -No. You do that all the time.

lt's not working anymore.

-Talking about games, l could be a gamer. -Oh, yeah.

-And l could sell it to people. -You'll make so much money.

-l could be the voice of the game. -Even more money.

l have a very good voice. l do great impressions.

You do do good impressions. What was the one you did last night?

-l'm not going to do it now. -Heh, do it again. Do it again.

-No. -Come on.

Listen to me.

These are my tortillas.

Get in the chopper. John Connor, come with me.

-Argh! -Okay. All right.

ln case that doesn't work out, why don't you come to dinner with me...

...and Paul tonight?

You can ask him if any of his friends have any job openings.

But sometimes people want to, you know...

...they think they're owed a lot more than, uh, they deserve. So too bad. Bummer.

Uh, but, uh, you know, whatever. Sucks.

l just don't have to be the guy that tells them, uh, you know...

...that they're, uh, not going to be able to rebuild their houses. Um, anyway....

Uh, let's talk about something else, you know.

You're right. l'm sick of talking about Medicaid...

...and processing insurance forms as well. l get it.

Right. -l get it.

Right. l mean, it's slightly different when you're doing Medicaid claims...

...and when you're doing huge property damage claims...

-...but l guess it's a similar kind of thing. -Yeah.

Oh, wait, wait.

-Remember what l said? -Hmm, l'm so sorry.

l just can't drive tonight. l've been driving all weekend.

l'm sorry.

-No worries. -l just forgot.

Someone will finish it, l think.

-There you go. There's a taker. l will.

-Tsk. -Good?

Where are you going?

Uh, hey, do you know who's spinning tonight?

Heh, uh....

-No. Sorry. -All right.

Hey, Mike.

Mike.

Sorry, bro.

Hey, Mike.

-Hey, man. MlKE: Yo.

-Heh, what's going on? -What's going on, bro?

-Are you going in? -Yeah, we're going.

Can l come with you?

Uh....

Pfft, dude, they're never gonna let you in like that.

Come on. l'd do anything.

Heh, it's not my fault. l'm just saying they're not gonna do it.

l would do it, but-- l don't think they're going to do it, bro.

All right.

All right?

Fuck. Okay, dude. Hey.

Um....

You're going to owe me.

-l promise, man-- -l mean, owe me.

No questions asked, owe me.

Anything.

Take your hood off. Try to look a little more-- Tuck your fucking shirt in.

You got to not wear tennis shoes, bro.

George, dude, l got one. l'm sorry. l know, l know.

Thanks, bro. l owe you.

Sorry, man. These are the only shoes l got.

Hey, baby, mwah. Can we borrow one of these?

Thank you. Grab one.

ls it free?