Santa Fake

- -

Oh.

Hi, Patrick.

Here you go.

There you go.

Oh.

You're going to do great things.

You're going to do great things.

Ha. Yes, you are.

Ho, ho, ho.

This is the one.

Yes.

Yes, you are.

Tell me now, Patrick.

How long have you been here?

So I came over here about a year ago.

I worked on one of those posh cruise liners.

We did the Transatlantic for about two and a half years

between here and England.

Um, I worked in the kitchen, but to be honest,

I kind of got tired of the sailing life.

So I got off and lost in The Big Apple.

- -I got a job at a Mexican restaurant,

bar backed at a couple of nightclubs, paid under the table.

It was quite nice.

So, you have no papers then?

Uh, no, uh, I don't, no.

-Where are you from? -From Derry.

-Derry? -Mm-hmm.

Oh, family?

I don't have a family, no.

I was raised in an orphanage.

Left when I was 18.

Fred, where's my juice?!

I got it, Fred.

Here you are.

I'll be honest with you now, Pat.

I've not heard a sadder story than that in many a year.

Well... we look after our own, hmm?

I could use someone to wash the glasses

and maybe tidy up around here.

Could you handle that?

Absolutely, sir.

I'd really appreciate that, Mr. O'Brian.

You can call me Joe.

-Thank you, Joe. - Can you start now?

-Yes, right away, yeah. -Right.

-It's a pleasure. -Get started, get started.

Absolutely, thank you so much.

Fred, come and show young Patrick here the ropes.

Yeah.

Fred!

you will do exactly what I tell you to

or you will have a problem.

Now I do not have problems, do you understand?

I have solutions.

Now get out of here and do what I tell you!

-You all right? -Yeah, thanks.

-7.50. -Keep the change.

Thanks.

And I have to tell you, boys, we had a very good month.

Another month or two like this,

and we're going to treat ourselves to a little raise.

-Where are you going now? -Well, I was thinking maybe we'd take care

of that little situation over in Brooklyn first.

Well, off you go, boys.

-Enjoy your work. -Thank you, boss.

- -

Does that remind you of your family, Pat?

You know, I've never met my family.

We didn't have Christmas in the orphanage. It was a poor parish.

I didn't know.

-That's rough. -Yeah.

Kind of miss home, you know?

Of course you do. Of course you do.

¶ Oh, Danny boy, the pipes The pipes are calling ¶

¶ From glen to glen ¶

¶ And down the mountain side ¶

¶ The summer's gone ¶

¶ And all the roses falling ¶

¶ 'Tis you, 'tis you must go ¶

¶ And I must bide ¶

¶ But come ye back When summer's ¶

¶ In the meadow ¶

¶ Or when the valley's ¶

¶ Hushed and white With snow ¶

¶ 'Tis I'll be here ¶

¶ in sunshine or in shadow ¶

¶ And I will sleep in peace ¶

¶ Until you come ¶

¶ To me ¶

Clap!

Thank you.

Patrick, could I have a little word with you?

Yeah, sure.

Be right there.

Right, right, right, right.

Pat, will you do a favor for me?

Yeah, whatever you need, Joe.

You've been like a father figure these past few months, Joe.

Saint Joe, Patron Saint of Fathers.

-Oh. -That's you, Joe.

I wouldn't go that far, I'm no Saint.

No, seriously, Joe, I don't know where I would be

these past few months without your work.

So, thank you.

Okay, good.

I want you to take these suitcases a couple of blocks up

the road to the train station and give them to Shaun.

But no opening the suitcases,

no peeping inside, you understand?

Can you do that for me?

As soon as you've done that,

I'm going to give you 10,000 clams.

That's, uh, that's a lot of money for a few blocks, Joe.

It is, it is indeed.

Let me explain, let me explain to you.

Do you know what the hardest thing in business is, son?

The hardest thing in business, Pat,

is to find people that you can trust and I trust you.

I trust you.

Now, trust is a valuable commodity,

a commodity that I am prepared to pay for.

Well, uh, when do you want me to leave?

Now, tonight, this very moment.

Shaun's waiting for you.

But what about, where's Fred?

Who's going to close the bar?

I'll close the bar.

Where is Fred?

Fred?

Don't you worry yourself about Fred.

Fred was untrustworthy.

So, Fred, I had to let him go.

Come on, quick, quick, quick.

Ah, very good, very good.

Oh, and now, a couple of things, couple of things.

First of all, you do not dote,

you do not stop and talk to anyone.

And in the incredibly remote chance

that something goes wrong, you take those bags

and you run like hell to the station, you understand?

You run like hell.

Off you go, quick.

Sooner there, sooner back, sooner paid.

Oh, and put your jacket on.

It's cold outside.

It's just a few blocks.

No big deal, right?

It's just a few blocks.

-Let's go, Pat. It's just a few blocks. -

And don't worry if the cops grab him,

he's so pathetically grateful to me for looking after him,

that he'll go to prison for 20 years

-without opening his mouth. -

There's a perfectly reasonable explanation

as to why I shouldn't look inside.

It's obviously something important,

like insurance policies or...

a secret recipe for craft beer.

Deed to the pub.

- -

- -Yeah, and the lovely thing is this,

if we do have to off him, guess what?

He has no relatives.

So nobody is going to come and look for him.

And here's the icing on the cake.

He's also illegal.

There is no paper trail to suggest

he ever came into the country.

-When you think about it, - Hey, watch it!

The boy is practically a ghost already.

What's the next bus leaving right now?

Bus 46 is pulling out, heading out west.

Yeah, that's fine. Ticket, please.

Last stop, Santa Fe, everybody off.

Please check around your own seats.

Don't leave any belongings behind.

[Spanish themed acoustic guitar music]

Hello?

Welcome to Ortegas.

I'm Mrs. Ortega.

Need a room?

Yeah, well, um, that depends, Mrs. Ortega.

How much?

Well, I'm having a special for 49.99