Preacher

What's your name, boy?

Jesse.

Jesse who?

Jesse...

Custer!

Put him back.

No, don't! Please!

Don't! No!

Please, let me out!

No, please!

Please, no! Stop!

Please! Let me out!

Let me out!

Let me out! Let me out!

After everything he did...

You put him in the goddamn swamp?!

He can't hurt anyone from in there.

You lied, Jesse.

I'm sorry.

You still lied.

Well, you lied, too.

When?

"When?" You want a list?

How about, as a for instance, when you got married?

You said you understood about that!

I do understand, but now I need you to understand me.

Why didn't you send him to hell?

I couldn't do that to another soul.

He can't get out.

What is it?

Hoover. Flufferman.

It's featherstone, sir.

He and his girlfriend are driving back from the swamps now.

Having her find the weapons was a good idea.

So, she saw the empty truck and she was...?

Very unhappy.

Good. That's a start.

Question, sir?

All this seems like a lot of trouble.

Can't we just kill custer?

I'm not a homosexual.

Oh. No. Of course not, sir.

You're the pinnacle of masculinity.

No one would ever question...

What did you do this time?

I apologize.

Sir, I assumed that

when you requested prostitutes, that...

Should I get you a refund?

You're missing the point, hoover.

The tarp, then, sir?

Yes, as much as I would enjoy

seeing your insides spread out before me

like a buffet breakfast in a five-star hotel,

my time with those rough-handed hooligans

gave me a new... Perspective on things.

The tarp will have to wait.

For what's to come, I need you both alive.

Thank you, sir. What's to come, sir?

The Messiah is a moron.

I understand you may find this disappointing

since you've devoted your entire lives to serving him,

but I've seen monkeys in heat with more grace and dignity.

But not to worry. I'm plotting a coup.

My plan is to replace the moron with Jesse custer

and bring real order and control to the world.

I'd like you both to join me. What do you say?

The Messiah is a moron?

Uh, brilliant, sir. I like it a lot.

And no doubt, custer has excellent qualifications,

but may I ask, has he agreed to this plan?

Not yet, but he will.

He doesn't know it yet, but I have what he wants.

So considering the alternative is summary execution,

I assume you both are with me.

Absolutely, sir.

Good. Go.

Yes?

I'm sorry about the... the...

T-the men.

I'll have to live with that memory

for the rest of my life.

About my new assignment, sir, I have some trepidations.

Go on.

Well, maybe I'm being tough on myself,

but I'm just not, uh...

I'm not sure I'm the best person for this job.

I'm sure you're not.

But the smart one is busy, and you're all I've got left,

so get to it.

And, hoover.

Let's pray it doesn't come down to you.

Yes, sir.

I've seen enough.

Whew!

I did good. Right?

I'm the one who's not supposed to be here?

Y... right. Yeah, of course. You can't say.

Hey, listen, I get it.

I get it.

Bet you're gonna miss me when I'm gone.

Back to holding.

Yeah.

Yes?

When?

I appreciate the information.

Keep me updated.

Who was that?

New Orleans.

The Saint of killers.

Bring in the next one.

What?

Where'd you hear that?

I mean it, dude. Who told you that?

Seriously?

I don't even know why you hang out with that guy.

Everyone knows you can't trust Hitler.

That's right.

He did used to have the run of this place.

You know what, since I'm pretty sure

it's my last night here, cut caveman down.

Let's have some fun.

Well, I'm not worried.

If he was gonna come, he would've come by now.

Yeah, well, maybe we should just double-bolt the door.

You know, just to be extra safe.

You're safe.

If he comes at all, he'll be coming for me.

And I'll handle it, like I did last time.

No offense, padre, but I hope you handle it

a little better than you did last time.

Yeah, 'cause that didn't work out real great.

All right. I'll handle it better.

What is that?

Denis has been after me for a puppy, so...

You got him a dog?

Yeah. I couldn't resist.

Well, that's nice.

I shouldn't have...

I shoulda told you.

Yeah, you shoulda told us!

You know, it's just... This whole...

This whole situation's been tougher than I thought.

For all of us.

It's been...

I know we could all use a break.

Oh, from waiting around for a cowboy to come kill us?

We could go someplace. Where?

I hear Vancouver's great, you know?

It's got good meth and nice hiking.

Vancouver. Mexico.

I don't care. Anywhere but here.

Yeah, I saw this place on YouTube in the Caribbean.

Bimini?

It's got gambling, catamarans, topless beaches.

Topless bea... I can't be going on no topless beach.

Sunscreen has come a long way since you were a kid, Cassidy.

It's a good idea.

True. Catamarans on the beach it is.

We're going to go, and it's going to be great.

Bimini, bitches! But fir...

It is gonna be great! And I'm gonna go pack.

I'm gonna run it by denis. No...

Hey, remember this? From Miami?

That chinchilla job for the Cubans?

Oh, man! That was crazy fun.

You know what... I will never, and I mean never,

look at a crossbow the same way again.

Tulip...

Yep?

We can't go yet.

Guys! Denis is in!

God damn it, Jesse!

What happened?

He doesn't wanna go.

What?! That's not what I said.

But bimini was your idea!

No, we're... we're gonna go. I want to go.

It's just...

We have to find god first.

He's not here, Jesse! We looked!

It's true. We've looked everywhere, man.

Oh, you know where we didn't look, Cassidy?

I do indeed. Bimini!

Guys... Well, if I was god, that's where I'd be, man.

Honestly. Right. I mean, if he could be there, why would he be here?

Unless he's a complete moron, absolutely no reason at all.

Guys... You know what I think he's doing right now?

I think he's lying on the beach, drinking a catamaran.

Guys!

I met Jesus.

Do you mean Jesus Jesus? Or just some random latino man?

The Jesus Christ.

The guy from the cross?

Beard, sandals, like a thousand years old?

He was Jesus Christ's 25th great-grandson.

But this Jesus, he's not right in the head.

He... he's... He's an imbecile.

They're all imbeciles, Jesse.

Jesus, Buddha, the president,