Seriously Red

- (KNOCK AT DOOR) - (GASPS)

Excuse me, miss. Is everything alright?

Oh, yes, Mr Dowling.

Um, I'm just taking notes on your circa-1970s cornicing

and the silver hardware on your tootalie-wootalie.

Mm-hm.

- Swimmer? - Swimmer.

- Is she? Yeah! - Yeah.

She looks like it.

- Shoulders. - Yes. Classic.

Ohh!

Oh, she was a beautiful dog.

- Oh, yeah. - (CRIES)

Oh...

Well, "Storms make trees take deeper roots."

Oh, it's just a little Dolly Parton saying

that I find helpful.

- Oh, thank you. - Yeah.

What, so the... the roots nestle in?

Yeah.

Yeah, like, um, you know...

- And the trunk thickens up? - Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I like that. (CHUCKLES)

Ooh, um, uh...

You've got a lovely two-bed, one-bath, one-car time warp.

- And I have valued it highly. - (CHUCKLES)

So you will definitely get your refinancing for your family.

- Thank you. - Mm-hm. Look, I've gotta go.

I've just...

I've got a big office party tonight

and I've gotta get dolled up and, you know...

But thank you so much for sharing your life story.

It was my whole life story.

Yeah, it really was.

- It's cathartic, sharing. - Yep.

Franny, I'm going to have to meet you in there.

I've only just finished my last valuation.

It's dress-up! You know you've gotta dress up.

I know! Yeah, I know, I know.

- Well, who are you coming as? - Who do you think?

- (PANTS) - Are you OK, Red?

Well, it's just I can't run!

My fitness is just not up there.

Oh!

Whoops!

Turn around. Just turn around and leave.

Hello, Dolly. G'day.

Hmm.

Francis? (SIGHS)

I'm gonna kill you.

I don't want to be a joke, Franny.

I want to be taken seriously, for swear-word's-sake!

I can't get anywhere when I look ridiculous!

OK, well, the outfit doesn't help that.

Oh, come on, Red. Loosen up!

Don't tell me to loosen up. I am loose, I am loose!

I hate you right now.

Well, do you want to sneak out of here?

Well, I'm not a coward.

OK, so what are we doing?

Come on.

How do you feel?

Well... before you killed me,

I was feeling like a, you know,

frothy, talented, successful Dolly Parton.

OK, everybody, everybody!

Welcome to the Presley Property Awards!

And first up, a very special guest,

the king himself, Elvis!

Alright.

Ooh!

Yes, yes!

The most outstanding valuer is...

Lionel!

- (APPLAUSE AND CHEERING) - Whoo-hoo!

- Sorry, babe. - Whoo!

Thank you! Thank you!

- I'm gonna get that next year. - Mm.

And the last award tonight

is a crowd-pleaser, a bit of fun.

She's had a wobbly start to the job,

but I'm excited to announce the Office Clown Award goes to...

Raylene 'Red' Delaney.

- (LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE) - I didn't know about this bit.

And tonight she didn't disappoint.

Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo!

Hmph.

- (GLASS SHATTERS) Oh, hello!

- Taxi! - (SCATTERED LAUGHTER)

Um...

It's my first award ever. Huh!

And I would like to thank my mum

for giving me this clown head.

Well, there are two kinds of people.

Those who know how to have a good time...

and those who are willin' to learn.

For the second group, let me introduce myself.

My name is Dolly and I'm your teacher.

- Yee-ha! - (APPLAUSE)

I'd like to invite our esteemed boss, Forbes Presley,

up onto the dance floor with his beautiful wife.

- Come on! Come on!

I'd like to sing a little somethin' for ya.

Huh! Kenny Rogers!

He's our most successful client.

We're gearing up for his Australasia tour.

Twin Palms Theatre, Hong Kong, etc.

Oh, Twin Palms? My mum loves that theatre.

It's pretty impressive.

Well, if the show sells out,

we'll go to the USA, which I'm gunning for.

Are you?

How long you been performin' Dolly?

Oh, no. Golly, no.

Just mucking around, but, um...

Tonight was just an unfortunate mistake.

Yeah, right.

Well, it took guts.

- Especially with those people. - (DOOR OPENS)

It's the bland leading the bland in there.

No offence.

- I thought you did alright. - Cheers.

- (WHISTLE IN DISTANCE) I'd watch that one.

Kenny's performing at the Tamworth Country Music Festival.

- You should come. Bring Dolly. - Oh, no.

You know, only if you liked being an unfortunate mistake.

Night.

Welcome to my own

little Tennessee cabin.

Come here, baby. Come on. Come on.

- Come on. - (RED MOANS)

OK.