Everybody Loves Raymond

'So the lion got some cream for his chicken pox.'

How many more before Michael?

Shh!

- 40 minutes already. - Quiet.

'And his mommy put the cream on,

and he felt better.'

The end.

Thank you, Gracie.

That was a wonderful and very imaginative story.

And now we have Ian.

Oh, crap.

'Escape from the blue planet.'

Finally, science fiction.

'The rocket ship landed on the blue planet

that was filled with water.'

You don't think this is nice?

You know, they wrote these all by themselves.

No kidding.

'And the rocket got stuck,

but the pilot had some extra gas.'

He's not the only one.

'So that is how they were able to escape

from the blue planet.'

The end.

Wonderful, Ian, and very exciting.

Michael, it's your turn.

Thank god.

We go after this.

'The angry family.'

'The daddy was mad at the mommy.'

'The mommy was mad at the daddy.'

'The mommy and daddy were very mad at the grandpa.'

'The grandma got mad at everybody.'

I did not.

It's wonderful.

'The grownups were always very loud.

It hurt the kids' ears.'

The end.

Let's watch TV! - Yeah!

- Yay! - Let's watch TV!

Whoo!

Well, I can't go there anymore.

The looks I was getting...

I've never gotten looks like that in my life.

You ought to watch me more.

How could you let Michael write something like that?

We didn't know anything about this.

Eileen let the kids write whatever they wanted.

- Who's Eileen? - The teacher.

Look, I'm not thrilled about this either, but, you know,

kids should be able to express what they're feeling.

What a load of bull.

Here's a perfect example of your liberal,

'free to be a bird or bee' college claptrap

comin' home to bite your whole family in the ass.

Oh?

The whole family?

The whole family? What am I?

I wasn't even mentioned in that book.

What, you're insulted 'cause you weren't insulted?

I'm insulted that you have brainwashed your children

into thinking the only thing I'm good for

is to hold up a piñata.

- And I don't look like that. - What?

The kid's illustrations.

People are gonna think I look like that.

Okay, everyone,

could we all please just go home?

Debra's right. We got to talk to Michael.

You gonna punish him? I want input.

All right, come on, come on.

Nobody's punishing anyone.

Of course not.

God forbid someone's feelings should get hurt.

- Well, my feelings are hurt. - Mine too!

Nobody cares!

- I'm writing my own book. - Get out.

That's the title.

- Michael. - Hey, whoa.

What are you gonna do? - I want to talk to him.

Michael, could you come in here, please?

- Be careful what you say. - Don't worry.

He writes it down.

Sweetie, I just want to ask you something.

Do you think that your family is 'the angry family'?

It's okay, honey, you can tell us.

Ray, you want to... - Nope.

I loved your story, Michael.

Said daddy.

Go on, watch TV.

What is wrong with you? - What?

Hey, if you were on top of stuff,

you could have stopped the story from leakin' out.

I am on top of stuff! What do you do, huh?

Look, those stories were supposed to be a surprise

for the parents.

A surprise for the parents?

I think a surprise is,

you get to the school and there's an open bar.

No, this was like an ambush.

And you can't even see

what the real problem is here, can you?

There's an image that Michael has of us.

Come on, we're normal.

Comparatively normal.

Watch the news.

Please.

Although I will say,

there are times when you seem to yell

for no reason, you know?

Maybe... maybe that's what he's pickin' up on.

I'm pretty sure that most of the leading characters

in that story were from the barone side.

Yeah, okay, but the loud part, I'm thinkin', is probably you.

So you're blaming me?

You're completely free and clear?

I'm sorry, but I am not the yeller.

You are the reason for the yeller!

Well, you assume that there must be yelling!

Yeah, you're damn right there's yell...

- Hey, hey, hey! - Hey!

What, honey?

Can I have a juice?

- Sure, sweetie. - Yeah, sure.

Yeah, we can do that, right, mommy?

Oh, thank you, daddy.

Thank you.

We have problems.

It's all right. All right?

No, it is not all right.

This argument just now

is exactly what Michael was referring to.

Well, you don't got to worry about this one,

because that was Geoffrey.

Phone.

Hello?

Oh, hi, Eileen.

Yeah, hi.

How are ya?

Yeah, oh, no, that was a great open house.

Yeah. Dynamite.

What conference?

Oh, oh, that's this week too.

Yeah, right, with the parents. Uh-huh.

Yeah, I guess we must've forgot about it.

Yeah, it wasn't like we were trying to run out or anything,

yeah, yeah, no, 'cause, uh, we want to talk to you.

We love you.

All right, okay.

Yeah, sure, we'll see you tomorrow.

Okay, bye-bye.

Listen, about tomorrow, you know.

I got a pretty big day, so... - You don't want to finish that.

All right, okay.

And did you have to sound so guilty on the phone?

How about you? You ran away like a little girl.

Okay. So how are you?

Terrific.

So... that was so, so funny yesterday.

- What was? - Michael's book.

'Angry family.'

I don't know where he... anyway.

Um, it's great to be here.

Happy to discuss everything.

I was really impressed with what Michael

wrote about in his book, weren't you?

Me? Uh, definitely.

Oh, definitely.

Um, but I do think that his book was just a story.

And, yes, obviously all stories do come from somewhere.

Well, not all of 'em.

Hmm?

I was just thinking something...

I was just thinking some stories come from...

Like those shows you go to where they say,

'give us a location,'

and then the audience goes, 'an elevator!'

You know, and then they say,

'what language should we do' or something.

And you go, 'French!'

You know, and then they do

a hilarious thing right there.

You know? 'Second floor. Croissants.'

You know? Yeah.

They just make that stuff up right there on the spot.

So that would be one example where some stories do come from.

Is that what Michael did?

Probably not.

Please stop.

I'm just... I'm talking to Eileen.

Eileen, um,

did Michael say anything to you?

I mean, did he say anything specific about home?

And remember, children lie.

Ray, we have nothing to hide.

I don't know what he's so afraid of,

I mean, 'cause we're a normal family,

comparatively.

I mean, watch the news.

That was mine, the normal thing.