Irma Vep

- Welcome. - Thank you.

This is Miss Harberg's suite.

The bedroom is on your right.

On your left, you have the living room

with a direct access to the terrace,

and the beautiful view of Paris.

- This is a living room? - Groom: Yes, it is.

- Very nice. - Groom: Mm-hm.

This is the bathroom that opens into the living room?

Uh, yes, it does.

Honestly, Carla, it's small...

and Mira's not gonna be happy.

It's not small. It's more Parisian,

and, and charming, and, and, and cozy.

This is no big production.

We can't afford The Plaza.

That was clear from the start.

And Zelda approved of it?

Well, she didn't reply, but we assumed it was fine.

Okay, well, I'm gonna call Zelda and figure something out.

- (line ringing) - Zelda: (on phone) Hello?

Hey, she's gonna freak out when she sees this room.

I mean, it's nice, but it's a fucking junior suite.

I told her not to get involved with those people.

What else can I do?

Regina: (on phone) You told her that?

That's insane.

This is exactly the part she's been dying to play.

Zelda: Who do you think you're talking to?

Your job is to book flights,

to keep her entertained, and to make sure she sees emails

that would end up in her spam folder,

and I don't think you have the brain to do that job,

so let's not start thinking you have the capacity to do mine.

Part of your job is to keep her happy,

and she hasn't been for a while, so.

Zelda: She has no reason to complain.

"Doomsday" is a massive hit!

Time to cash in.

That's so not her.

Yeah, it's me, and as far as I know,

she takes advice from her agent,

so thank you for your insights,

but let's keep the decision-making to the adults.

Carla: Okay, quiet during the make-up test.

Jeremie: If you come close... to the camera.

Tighter.

It's a very tight closeup.

Even tighter.

Yes.

If you walk around now,

I'd like to see how the light plays on the catsuit.

Look at us.

Uh, I lost you.

Okay.

Again, a bit closer.

- And cut. - (camera beeps)

One last picture and I'm done.

Mira: Great.

Sorry.

-(camera clicks) - Okay, perfect. Is it the last look?

Carla: Yeah, we're good.

That's okay.

- Great. - Mira: Yeah, it's okay.

- Laetitia: The style is almost like Musidora. - Mira: Yeah.

Right, let's take off your hood.

I'll walk you to your dressing room.

Great, yeah, it's getting hot.

It's a nice hotel,

but we really had to twist their arm

to get a decent suite.

Well, you're in Europe.

They have a culture of saving

on whatever they can.

It's a TV show.

It's not some... indie feature.

Zelda wants you to call her back.

I will tomorrow.

Please, she's already called you, like, three times.

Zelda: (on tablet) Heard they're shutting down your show.

Why would they do that?

Can't get René insured.

Mira: Anybody can get insured.

Yeah... if you pay.

And they're asking for a shitload.

Pack your bags, and get the hell out of there, okay?

This is bad news.

Well, no one here seems to know.

Zelda: They know it.

They're just not telling you.

Okay, you have five minutes?

No. I wanna take off my makeup and get going.

Zelda: I want to discuss the "Silver Surfer" sequel.

Yes, and we've already discussed it.

Zelda: They want you.

Yeah, but it's a boring part.

I'm tired of being the girlfriend.

Zelda: Listen.

Here's the twist-- it's a reboot.

Okay? Silver Surfer dies, and the girlfriend takes over.

This is exactly what people want right now.

High-concept, feminist,

lady-led superhero movie.

All right? They are gonna go nuts over this.

Mira: Are you serious?

You want me to play the Silver Surfer?

She wants me to play the Silver Surfer.

Zelda: Yeah, I sure do.

I would even pay to see it.

And they're ready to write you a blank check.

Who's directing?

Zelda: A hot new British filmmaker.

He directed Grimes' videos. His name escapes me.

- (Mira sighs) - Zelda: Babe...

"Irma Vep" is not happening.

All right? Don't worry, I'll make sure they pay you out,

but, uh... get over it.

Oui, oui.

- Mira: Do you come here a lot? - I haven't been here for ages.

There's a seat over there.

I spoke to my agent.

She said they're shutting us down.

- Absolutely not. - You sure?

What would you like to drink?

- Do you want a beer? - Thanks.

Well, they found another insurer

who's covering René with no extra cost.

But you want me to be honest?

I think they should shut us down.

Why do you say that?

Because René is nuts.

Yeah, I've heard,

but, you know, based on my experience,

I think... he's nuts in a good way.

Yeah, I love him very much--

Well, most of the time, but he can be scary nuts.

Well, no offense meant,

but... you're something of a kook, too.

I'm wardrobe. Who cares if I have a screw loose?

- So, the show is happening? - It is.

So, I'm not going back to LA?

Did you want to go back to LA?

No. (sighs) Not really.

Because you broke up with Laurie?

No.

If you go back to LA,

you'll end up seeing her again.

Not if I can avoid it.

Do you trust yourself?

Mira: No.

I trusted Laurie, though.

I, I, I opened up, I let her in.

Uh... she chose to take advantage of it.

But it was great.

It was great, so great... before it went toxic.

Anyway, she helped me out of this relationship

with my ex, Eamonn, that was going nowhere.

Um, I wouldn't have done it on my own,

so... I should be grateful.

I thought you and Eamonn were madly in love.

We had, um...

two good years, and... the third year was hell.

That's not at all what he told the media.

Well, Eamonn rewrites the story.

Well, you dumped a megastar for your assistant.

- He felt humiliated. - Or angry.

A lot of people got angry on social media.

You know what? You're not supposed to date your employee.

They loved it when Laurie turned the tables on me.

They felt vindicated, and they made sure I knew.

What about you?

How did you feel?

The wild thing is...

that it turned me on.

("99 Luftballons" by Nena playing)

So, you prefer chaos in Paris to loneliness in LA?

You know what? I have no fucking idea.

- (audience exclaiming) - Ah!

Philippe Guérande: Follow that car.

Go, go!

Grand Vampire: Ah, Mister Philippe Guérande.

Philippe: You're not the Count of Noirmoutier,

you're the Grand Vampire.

- Grand Vampire: You fell into our trap. - (yelling)

- Now it's time to pay the price! - Let me go!

Let me go!

Grand Vampire: Go, go, go!

Vampire: Come midnight, you will be sentenced