Zero Charisma

Zero Charisma

Having a party ?

You could say that.

What is it, like your nephew's birthday or something ?

No!

That will be 12 dollars and 53 cents.

You saved 2 dollars and 51 cents today.

Mrs. Weidemeyer.

Wiedemeyer.

I can't wait for you guys to see what i have in store for you guys tonight...

You're gonna shit!

What is it?

I'm not gonna tell you idiot, that would spoil it.

No, no of course not.

Alright i will give you a hint.

You may want to stock up on your fire enchantments before you leave the village.

Is it a flame golem ?

A flame golem? Are you Serious?

Or maybe it's a...

No, you said a flame golem. Is that what you think it is?

Well is it ?

Let's concider it for a second, shall we?

Uh, you're walking across the cursed flats.

When you come across a flame golem.

Ten feet of animated lava, ready to kick your ass.

So you cast a fire enchantment on it,

Which is immediatly absorbed into it's body,

Thereby increasing it's strength and stamina...

Oh! Right, yeah i...

No, Let me finish! And giving it a bonus on all of it's attack rolls.

How is that working out for you?

You're right, that would be stupid, Scott. I'm sorry.

Jesus...

Guess again.

Martin, your elf takes 22 damage,

All spellcasters regain 3 spell slots.

New round. Everyone roll for your action orders, and state your intentions.

Is your blessing still in effect?

Two more rounds.

Eight. I'm healing this round.

Okay.

Three.

Five. I am attacking the troll with my warhammer.

He is still paralized by my grand flash spell.

Sweetness!

12 to hit.

15.

And... 10 damage.

Vronkar's final blow...

crushes the troll's skull.

As he crumbles into a bloody, smelly heap.

The captain...

Say hello to my little friend.

The captain of the guard approaches...

I'm healing.

I know!

The captain of the guards approaches.

"Thank you my friends"

"My people are safe"

"For now..."

"In return i give you this information about the stones of light you are seeking"

Oh, isn't that special?

Wayne!

"This was no mere band of leaderless trolls"

"The rumor among..."

"The rumor amongst my people, is that they serve the goblin queen"

"Of the Ungar mountains"

She's the one that stole the stones from Porthaven, right?

"Indeed. She lives in a dark tower to the east,

from whence she commands her bloodthirty troops"

"By night, she..."

"Terrorizes the countryside"

"Disguised as a wil..."

Scott!

What?

Come here and open this jar.

Goddamnit!

You screw the lids on too tight.

Hey! I need you to take me to the pharmacy tomorrow.

Okay, fine.

But not the one on fifth.

A gal works in there, i don't know where she's from...

But i don't understand a word she says.

And then she give's me grief, like it's my fault

she can't understand english.

And i need you to mow the lawn.

Hey, Wayne, Martin and i fishined the latest

episode of Blood Brigade. Wanna see it?

Well i wouldn't say that it's finished.

We still have some sound mixing to do before we upload it.

Thats fine.

Straigten up, Rodriguez.

If those blood suckers get in here, i need to know that you're 100%!

But sarge, what we have seen..

Get a grip private!

I didn't survive the zombie outbreak and

the wherewolf apocalypse to give up now.

Sarge! They are breaking through!

God help us all!

Let's rock and roll!

And clean out the car before then.

It's like a dumpster on wheels.

Nana, you promised you wouldn't disturb the game.

I'm not disturbing the game, i'm just making myself a sandwich.

well, it's disturbing.

No, you and you friends, sitting in there pretending

to be elfs and fairies and shit,

that's what's disturbing.

Just stay in your room, okay?

Listen mister!

This is my house and my kitchen,

and i'll come into it whenever i damn well please.

Okay.

And you can take the fucking nerd herd someplace else if you don't like it.

Put that stuff back in the fridge.

Shelley, honey, we talked about this last night.

You... you said everything was okay!

I... i realize that. You told me everything was okay...

Kenny, we're back.

Go ahead, i'll be there in a sec.

Uh no, we are in the middle of an important plot point.

No, Shelley, i dont wanna talk about this later

I wanna talk now... No.

No, no, no, please, please... don't hang, if you hang up i swear to god...

Damnit!

Shelley wants to separate.

Yesterday everything was fine.

Today...

Tell you what.

We'll take our five now.

That should give you some time to pull yourself together.

And we'll start up again at 20:45, okay?

Sorry Scott.

But i don't think i can play anymore.

Sure you can!

No. No, i have to go.

But it's only 20:30!

What's going on?

Nothing. Kenny's wife is leaving him.

But we're starting up early on thursday to make up for lost time.

No, Scott, i dont think i can play anymore at all!

What are you talking about?

I can't lose my wife, Okay? And that means making a lot of changes.

You're leaving the game?

This is crazy!

We've been playing one continues adventure for three years,

And now you're just gonna flush it all down the toilet?

What else can i do? We barely see each other as is.

But we're almost through the hall of the goblin queen!

I just hope she'll still talk to me.

Of course she will! She sent you the gnome to give you the map!

Not the goblin queen, Scott. My wife!

Look, i dont expect you to understand.

Okay?

You've never even had a girlfriend.

Yeah because i don't like to be tied down. How many times do i have to say that?

I'll leave my character so you can play him as an NPC.

Kenny, wait, wait, wait, just hear me out.

We have know each other for a long time.

and i say this as a friend.

Shelley is a bitch.

Goodbye Scott.

NPC? Borgus the mighty is fucking dead!

Hey Tim, it's Scott Wiedemeyer.

Listen, i've got some great news for you.

I had to let one of my players go today...

And i've been ** lots of applications,

But, i wanna make sure you get the first crack at it.

Of course i'm going to be the GM who else would it be?

Hello?

Hello?

Yo Brian, it's Scott.

Scott, who?

Wiedemeyer. Look, you will not believe your luck man.

We have an open seat starting tuesday.

Okay, if you apologize.

Apologize for what?

You know what.

Brian Dumbledore is a homo it's a fact.

Brian?

Hello.

Hello Mrs. Prendergast. Is Eric there?

May i ask who's calling?

Scott Wiedemeyer.

Well, he doesn't want to speak to you Scott.

Why not?

Because you made him cry.

Well, frankly Mrs. Prendergast, Eric's a crybaby.

And everybody knows it.

Mrs. Prendergast? Shit!

Fuck.

I see that.

Video games are amazing these days, arn't they?

Beautiful artwork. Expansive worlds.

Top notch voice talent.

Rolling dice is just a thing of the past, right?

Right?

Wrong.

It's all a facada.

We think it's a RPG, But you might as well be playing connect the fucking dots.