Only Murders in the Building

They wanna make a movie of our podcast?

Paramount?

They wanna fly us all out to LA

for some meeting next week.

- I'm Eva Longoria. - I'm Eugene Levy?

- I'm... - Oliver, this is Zach Galifi...

Oh, yes! Zach Galifragilistic.

I'm out. I'm done.

Are we sure that the killer was after Ben, and not you, Charles?

What?

I've been gettin' some vibes.

I also have my ham radio,

and there's chatter of people wishing it was you instead of Ben.

It's been a week, and Sazz's Bulgarian left shoulder

and knee are still in that incinerator.

- - Hello, Charles.

I broke out because I'm worried about Sazz.

She said she thought someone had eyes on you.

She was looking into someone who lives here?

She said she thought there might be another murderer in the building.

The Westies.

We've met everybody except for Christmas Guy

and whoever's in that place with the lockbox on it?

- Oh, um, that's the Dudenoff place. -

- Dudenoff? -

Oh, goody. It works.

This must be the sniper's nest.

- A ham radio. - Is this tinsel?

Oliver! He's so cute.

- Oh! The pig's loose! -

We worked together almost 40 years.

We'd come to the most dangerous part of the scene.

Did she write a message with her blood?

And then Sazz would say...

- Tap in. - ..."Tap in."

Charles, do you know what that means?

Yes. I do.

I once had an acting teacher who said,

"Finding your character is a lot like a detective finding a killer."

His thinking went you build this character piece by piece.

What are their physical qualities?

Their skills or special talents?

Their motivations?

You keep doing that, asking and answering a million questions ,

until there's only one person

in the whole world who fits that description.

Your character.

Anyway, that's obviously bullshit.

As a proud Greek man, presumably descended from Thespis himself,

trust me when I say

acting is easy.

Close the door.

Alright, so I'm gonna say this really quick

'cause I'm not supposed to be here. It's not even public yet.

And I really need you guys to know that at the end of the day...

Wait, wait, wait, wait! Detective, are you helping us right now?

Come on, cut that shit out!

Just stay focused. I'm trying to talk to you.

Do you like us? She totally likes us.

If she ever did, she doesn't now.

Thank you, Mora. The feds are now on the case.

They don't want me involved, that's fine. But the least I can do

is feed you idiots some useful information. So...

- She likes us. - She totally likes us.

Can I just talk, please?

I wanna do a little cop monologue right now, okay?

Let's all just pretend we're on Law & Order,

and I'm Olivia Benson. Can I have my moment?

- Yes, absolutely. - Of course. Or Aristotle Brazzos.

I... I don't... I don't know what that is.

- - So,

the feds think that Jan has something to do with this.

Now, of course, she hadn't escaped yet, but they're thinking she hired someone,

and they're suspecting that she's gone to Florida

because there's a shit ton of orchestras and sex toy shops.

The shooter, very good.

A single .300 Win Mag casing was found

in the West Tower in apartment 14F,

belonging to a tenant by the name of M. Dudenoff,

retired professor,

who the neighbors are conveniently saying

he's not in town. He's in Portugal.

Well, that's suspicious.

Exactly. That's what I said, Mora. That's really fucking suspicious

'cause who in the absolute fuck would wanna go to Portugal

when you got Spain? Right?

I digress.

Neighbors are busy playing card games when they hear the gunshot,

except for one tenant.

Rudy Thurber.

He's like some Christmas freak or something.

You know the types who are like, "Oh, my God,

it's 364 sleeps until Christmas." That kinda guy.

What is key to note,

Sazz's phone has been turned off,

but we are reviewing the CCTV in that area.

Alright, that's my whole thing. So now,

please feel free to ask what other questions you have.

You really don't know Aristotle Brazzos?

I just did all of that, and that's all you got?

Well, i-it doesn't matter. The feds... feds have it wrong.

Jan didn't kill Sazz. You have to trust me on that.

I do. I just...

I don't know if Sazz was the target.

W-Well, be honest. Do you think someone over there

could hate me enough to try and kill me?

Don't make her answer that.

Look, if this is the part where you tell us not to investigate,

you're wasting your time.

Yeah, I know. After three seasons, I got that.

Well, even if I was the target,

I still have to solve this for Sazz.

I'm tapping in.

What are you even talking about?

This is serious shit here now! Focus...

Oh, my God!

Well...

I guess this sends the investigation into a...

whole new direction.

That's Aristotle Brazzos. From Brazzos. The show I was on.

Well, hello, Hollywood A-listers!

What are you doing here? I promise I won't leak it to the trades.

We celebrities value our privacy.

The Brothers Sisters thought it'd be a good idea if we followed you for a day.

You know, do a character study.

I did the same thing on Boss Baby 2.

I shadowed a baby. Yeah.

And we still text every day.

Oh, I love it.

Zach! You want to come learn more about Oliver Putnam?

Study at the foot of the master?

That's right. So much to learn.

Definitely didn't take this job just thinking it would be easy money.

Now, personally, I was pushing for one more day,

just a little more time to take a deep dive

into this complex man.

Eugene, you realize you're playing Charles, right?

Hey, twin.

I've been practicing my Mabel.

Uh, look, n-now's not a good time.

There's been another murder.

Yay! Oh!

Forget the character study. We're gonna solve a murder today?

- Oh, I'm gonna get us some snacks. - Not you.

Galifianakis?

That scrumptious fuckable baklava

is portraying you in a movie?

Oh no, that is all wrong. That's so messed up!

I didn't realize you were on a Mediterranean diet, Detective.

- Would you like me to make an intro? - No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm not ready, I'm not ready. But,

if anything happens to that delicious little man,

I'll kill you myself.

- - Don't fuck with my sex pass.

Obviously, the actors can't stay.

No! This is a murder investigation,

not some acting exercise for Eva Longoria.

- Charles is still in danger. - Yeah, bu... just hear me out.

You get one shot at a biopic.

Maybe two if you're someone special like Marilyn Monroe

or Jeffrey Dahmer,

and the first 24 hours of character study are the most crucial.

I need Zach Galifianakis to fall in love with his character today.

- -

Okay, well you've been outvoted.

Charles, you get it. You were an actor once.

Don't you want Eugene Levy to learn the real you?

Me? The unlikeable guy that everyone wants to kill?

No, thanks. And my ego isn't so delicate

that I need random validation

from a... Emmy award-winning actor.

Charles?

The History of Wood?

Looks and brains?

Eugene, you have big shoes to fill.

- maybe the actors could be helpful. - Yes!

What?

- -

We stare at boxes,

wondering what it must feel like to have an apartment of our own.

A feeling of permanence for once in our life.

What? No.

- And stop saying "we." - Hmm.

That's where the shot was fired,

and anyone on that floor could've used the code to get in.

Mm...

I'm sorry, are you drinking at 10 in the morning?

Yeah, I'm getting into character.

I don't drink at 10 in the morning.

No, my Mabel does.

- She's a tableau of vices. - Alright.

Williams said the bullet was a Winchester .300 Magnum.

Developed in the '60s, it remains the most popular cartridge among hunters.

I learned that on Brazzos.

I know, I know. Episode 403,

A Lady and Her Luger.

So, our killer is a hunter.

Little did they know that the hunter

was about to become the hunted.

- Zach, are you getting this? - Oh yeah.