American Horror Story

- Toto is amazing. - Toto sucktitude.

I will not argue about this, bro.

Toto is amazeballs.

Shut up about your incredibly gay crush on your incredibly

gay band and get over it.

Seriously. Kyle, what are you gonna get?

Look, check mine out.

I see.

It means "Beginning and End."

You know, dude, most of those don't even mean

what the chart on the wall says they mean.

You might have "I'm a freaking idiot" on your leg right now.

Seriously. You're going to go out for Chinese food

in a pair of shorts, and the whole wait staff is gonna be

laughing their asses off at you.

What the hell does "Beginning and End" mean,

even if that is what it says?

It's my life philosophy.

It means, live right goddamn now.

You're full of shit.

Yeah, seriously, Kyle, get something.

No, dude. My mom would kill me. Oh, it's cool.

Oh, I'd totally bang her to take her mind off of it.

Oh, I got plans.

I'm not going to grow up and work for Daddy,

or sell pot to undergrads all my life.

You guys know why the levees broke during Katrina?

'Cause the little Dutch boy ran out of fingers?

The levees were built by the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers.

But they built them for shit.

And where I'm from still hasn't recovered,

and probably never will.

What in the hell

does you getting a tattoo have to do with Katrina?

I'm going to be an engineer.

And I'm going to make sure shit like that never happens again.

I don't want to walk into some big meeting

with a mayor or a governor and roll up my sleeves

and have a little Saints logo or a... or a Wile E. Coyote

or anything that's gonna make him think

that I'm anything other than his knight in shining armor.

I got one life, and I'm not wasting it.

I think it's a pretty cool idea, Kyle.

Thank you, Jimmy.

Thank you. Yeah, I do, too.

That's why I want to wish you the luck of the Irish.

I didn't know you were Irish. I'm not.

You can't drink or fight. You're a little bitch.

It looks good, right?

I...

Ooh. Wh...?

What am I...?

I am a Millennial. Generation Y.

Born between the birth of AIDS and 9/11, give or take.

They call us "the Global Generation."

We are known for our entitlement and narcissism.

Some say it's because we're the first generation

where every kid gets a trophy just for showing up.

Others think it's because social media allows us

to post every time we fart or have a sandwich

for all the world to see.

But it seems that our one defining trait

is a numbness to the world,

an indifference to suffering.

I know I did anything I could to not feel.

Sex, drugs, booze.

Just take away the pain.

Take away my mother and my asshole father and the press

and all the boys I loved who wouldn't love me back.

Hell, I was gang raped, and two days later,

I was back in class like nothing happened.

Most people never get over stuff like that,

and I was, like, "Let's go for Jamba Juice."

I would give everything I have or will ever have

just to feel pain again, to hurt.

Thank God for Minor League Fiona and her herb garden.

One advantage of being kind of dead is

that you don't have to sweat warning labels.

There was this one brown liquid

that I thought made my nipples tingle for a second,

but I think it was psychosomatic,

because I polished off the rest of it and didn't feel shit.

I tried every eye of newt and wing of fly

until I found something that made me not

look like Marilyn Manson anymore.

And that's the rub of all of this, isn't it?

I can't feel shit.

I can't feel anything.

We think that pain is the worst feeling.

It isn't.

How can anything be worse

than this eternal silence inside of me?

I used to not eat for days.

Or eat like crazy, and then

stick my fingers down my throat.

Now, no matter how much I binge,

I can't fill this hole inside me.

I can't take it anymore.

I think I'm going batshit.

I need to do something.

Hey.

You know how this has to go, right?

You were a great guy, Kyle.

But you died.

I didn't let you go when I should have.

I don't understand my power yet.

It's new.

I used it to bring you back.

You killed your mother, Kyle.

There's only one way left to fix this.

No!

No.

I don't want you to die.

Goddamn nothing!

I heard a noise.

Thought we had vermin.

Ain't no self-respecting rat gonna live here.

Ain't nothin' to eat.

Nonsense. These larders are bursting to full.

Well, that is disappointing.

I was feeling a tad peckish myself.

Welcome to Jumpin' Jacks. May I take your order?

Who said that? Girl, relax. It's just a guy at the window.

Let me get two Jumpin' Jacks with cheese, two fries,

large, and two strawberry cyclones.

Would you care to super size your order for $1.99?

Do we dare?

Hell, yeah!

Lord in heaven, the most delicious food

I have eaten in my entire life!

And that's saying something.

I know, right?

I'm starting to understand why you're so enormous.

You're not exactly svelte yourself, okay?

I didn't mean to give offense.

Yeah, but you do, Miss Daisy.

All the damn time.

It's this century.

It still does perplex me so.

You think I'm any less perplexed?

I dragged my ass

all the way here from Detroit

to be with my, quote, "sister witches."

And instead, I'm sitting in a fast-food parking lot

at 3:00 in the morning with an immortal racist.

How did that happen?

Those girls-- they're never gonna see you as their sister.

Let me guess. 'Cause I'm fat?

No, ma chère.

'Cause you're black.

Black as coal.

Hello?

Shit. It's late.

Hank.

I miss you, baby. I want to come home.

Go to bed, Hank.

I'll see you soon, baby.

Delphine?

Delphine?

Delphine?

Spalding?

Who is it?

I know you're there.

Whoa! Whoa! Hold it there! Madison.

Stop yelling at me!

Do it! Do it! Do it!

Oh, my God.

Fiona.

I wasn't expecting company.

I wasn't expecting Buckingham Palace.

A woman like yourself

deserves to be surrounded by beauty and grace.

Sit down.

All I have to offer is some decent bourbon,

and hopefully, good company.

The reason for living was to get ready

to stay dead a long time.

Faulkner.

As I Lay Dying.

I get it.

You're not just any old

broke-down sax man,

you're a college-educated one.

I've led a...

solitary life.

Come on, you don't really expect me

to believe that.

You know, when I was coming up in the clubs, uh...

musicians weren't so respected.

Hmm. They were considered, uh,

poor, indigent,

and had to be content, uh,

being the back-door man...

never invited to stay the night.

It's more dangerous that way.

Yeah.

And you like danger.

I can tell that about you.

And I like it.

Who's he?