Alternatino with Arturo Castro

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hold on just a minute there, buster.

- Dad, I'm supposed to pick up Emily

in, like, ten minutes. I got to go.

- Well, Emily can wait for a little bit, can't she?

You got a minute to talk to your old man, don't you?

Have a seat.

You know, son, you're not a kid anymore.

- Oh, no. I go to health class, Dad.

I already know all this stuff.

- Well, they don't teach you about everything

in health class, okay, Mr. Smarty-pants?

So just listen.

When boys and girls get a little older,

they start getting interested in one another, right?

I know, and nonbinary people,

agender, intergender

FTX, genderfluid people...

What?

- There's more than just boys and girls now, Dad,

and they're not girls. They're women.

Yeah, okay, sure.

My point is that...

Sex is a-- it's a very important decision.

How are you defining sex?

Sex is different things to different people.

Mm, I guess when--

when a penis goes into a vagina.

- What if there's two men or two women, or more?

- More? - How would you define sex

with multiple simultaneous partners,

or what if somebody's undergone

genital reconstruction,

or is intersex?

- No, but I'm just talking about normal, straight--

- "Normal"? Come on, Dad.

- Okay, here we go. Let me ask you this.

Son, are you attracted to women?

Yes, but I'm--I'm young.

Is Emily a woman?

Biologically.

Okay.

You're attracted to women. Emily's a woman,

so if you were to have sex with Emily--

- I wouldn't just have sex with Emily.

We'd have to make that decision together.

Homecoming's not an excuse to ignore consent.

- I'm not saying to ignore consent!

I never said ignore consent!

You and Emily, right,

consensually decide to have sex.

- Vaginal? - Yes, vaginal.

- Just the two of us? - How many people do you want?

Yes, just the two of you, Colin.

- And I'm playing the traditional male role?

Go to homecoming.

- You seemed like you really wanted

to talk about this.

- No, no, I don't want to talk about anything

ever again. - So I can go?

Please do.

Out! Thank you.

Don't forget your corsage.

Hey, Dad.

Yeah?

H-how do I look?

You look very handsome, son.

That's gender-coding, but--

Get out of my house!

Have fun.

- So, yeah, that's why some people say it's

"the most noble profession." I don't know about that.

- Acting? - Mm-hmm, yes.

- Oh. So, Arturo...

- You don't have to say it like that.

Arturo, you know.

- Arturo. - Okay.

- What was it like growing up in "Huatemala"?

I mean, that must have been crazy, yeah?

I don't know about crazy.

Um, well, I lived in the suburbs.

Uh, we had a little yard with a dog.

Um...

- Like a sexy Guatemalan street mutt?

A collie, like Lassie.

- Did--did you have a big family?

Were there, like, a lot of you

just squished in under one roof?

Oh, my God, yes.

I had three sisters, you know,

and we all had to share four bedrooms,

and my parents had the master bedroom,

so it was a little snug, yeah.

- Huh. You know, um,

when I saw you on Tinder, I was like,

"Wait a minute.

"This is that Colombian drug lord

on Netflix." - Oh.

- I was like, "This guy is hot!

Oh, thank you.

Yeah, that's me. I'm glad you like the show.

- But then I met you... - Yes.

- And in person, you're sort of, like, delicate.

D-delicate?

Yeah, like, mm--

like your hands look really soft,

and your face is, like, um--

like a tiny little baby's face.

- I have a pretty basic moisturizing regimen, yeah.

I mean, my ex, Julio--

he was this-- Latin lover,

and he was just so--

And you're more like...

You know? Does that make sense?

- Like how?

Yeah, I'm gonna go.

Oh, to the restroom?

- No, home. Okay.

Without--without me, right?

Without--without me, right?

- After the devastation of Hurricane Maria,

the president is here in Puerto Rico

to offer support to traumatized civilians

in desperate need of federal aid.

As you can see, he's now at one of the tables

distributing supplies to the locals.

["Best Day" by Kari Kimmel playing]

What happened?

You got elbowed in the head.

You've been out cold for, like, ten minutes.

- Oh. Well, at least

I still got these.

- These were just for the photo op.

Cool.

- Can I ask you guys something, as my best friends?

all: Whoa.

- We are your best friends? - Didn't get the memo on that.

Am I delicate?

Yes.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, your apartment looks

like some lady named Heather lives here.

You just decanted white wine.

It needs to breathe.

- I mean, you know, you make me look hard.

- Mm-hmm. - Just that this girl, Jessica,

is sort of really into Latin guys.

- Mm-hmm. - I'm wondering if I should

play up the Latino-ness, you know?

- Be yourself. Let her like you

for who you are

you know, because that's what life's about.

- I love that. I love that.

Is that what you guys do too?

- Oh! - Absolutely not.

No, I lie. - I lie like a motherfucker.

- Yeah. - I do, man.

It depends. It's on a dial.

Like, sometimes, I'll be coming

in that motherfucker all hard and shit,

'cause I know she wants that gangsta shit,

but then sometimes,

I'll, you know, dial it down, because maybe

sometime's a good night to have some "Jeopardy!" and wine.

- Oh. - I pretend, too.

I try to act as-- as tiny and stupid as possible

when I'm on dates. - Smart.

How do you act tiny?

Oh, just big accessories.

It's all about scale, you know.

Men just want to feel very big and very smart,

you know? - Really?

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

- Look, man, if you want to seem more Latin,

you take her to Sembe.

- Ooh. - Oh, I love that.

Sounds very a-- w-what's--