House of Lies

Previously on House of Lies...

Jeannie: We're really dancing around each other,

and-and I... I was hoping we could...

Let it remain really awkward.

I call, you get here

on the first-- not the second,

not the third-- flight.

Marty: What do you want, man?

Why are you here? 30-year-old scotch.

Roscoe's empty bedroom.

Are you sure that you're okay with him

living with Monica?

Fucking ghetto loans.

Marty: You want a shiny black face

to help sell your tiny little genocide?

Marty fucking kaan, he's your man?

I think I got under your skin a little bit.

You did. So, where are we

gonna sleep, Marty?

I'm gonna start my own shop.

Kaan and associates.

Officer (Over pa): Attention, jogger. Please halt.

What's going on, fellas?

You got any I.D.?

Put your hands above your head now.

Spread your legs. You got a weapon on you?

Fuck you.

Jeannie: 40 minutes late.

Okay. 40 minutes.

I fight rush hour traffic to get to goddamn van nuys

to help his company

streamline their output of silicone fuck sticks,

and this asshole can't even be bothered to show up on time?

I'm sorry, but-- and by the way, where is Marty?

Jeannie beannie!

Someone wake up on the wrong side

of the bed this morning? Don't start, Clyde.

Do you know

what I do to cheer myself up

when I'm having a case of the blahs?

Whatever you're gonna say right now, how about don't.

I advise Doug on a personal matter.

Did you know it is the one-month anniversary of Doug

and his special lady, and he is just

stumped on gift ideas.

Yeah. Yeah, that's true.

You know what, I would love a female opinion on this.

Hey, let me ask you this, Jeannie.

Um, how would you feel

if your man gave you a... hat?

Like, a really great hat?

You're welcome.

Ooh. Or I could go funny.

I found this great

Jesus light switch plate on ebay.

Sarah's Jewish,

so, you know...

But it'd be like, "Doug..."

: Come on!

What were you just... And so naughty.

But it would-- I don't know.

Well, that's quite the decision.

Well, I mean, she might say...

Hold on one second. Or I could write a poem, or...

Hey, where are you?

Yeah, no sex toys for me this morning.

Are you working on Vegas?

No. Um...

Tamara's down there with Carlson.

I'm gonna take a few personal days.

Marty kaan is taking personal days?

Who is this, really?

Clyde: Jeannie, I hate to interrupt,

but I think you dropped this.

Get that out of my face right now.

So this isn't your vagina?

Doug, this is not her vagina!

Jesus, Clyde, grow up.

Marty: Hey, so, listen,

unless something catches on fire,

or Clyde's dick explodes, just...

I'll call you guys soon.

Thought you could use a coffee.

Please tell me two of those are for you.

Your brother's parking the car.

My brother is parking the car.

So, how you doing?

I'm fine.

You're fine, huh?

Yup.

You talk with Roscoe about this yet?

No.

You going to?

Yup.

When?

You look like shit.

Morning.

Don't skate by this, Marty.

It's our trials that afford us

the opportunity to become whole again.

You know, it wasn't

till parsifal confronted...

Pop, pop, pop.

Give it a rest.

Yeah.

Aw, sh...

I forgot the scones.

Hey.

Sorry.

Nate Hyatt. Doug guggenheim. Hi.

Clyde oberholt. So sorry.

I was stuck in an intense breakfast

with midori Alexis and her representatives.

Jeannie Van Der hooven.

Hi. Hi.

Midori Alexis?

The-the star of ass kingdom six?

That's the one. Wow.

I'm sorry, Mr. Hyatt, I have to ask:

Is-is she as down-to-earth in real life

as she comes across in her movies?

Uh, she's... she's, yeah, she's okay.

God, I knew it. I knew it.

You can tell, I think. You can always tell. Yeah.

Yeah. God, that's great.

But we've been locked in

deep negotiations with her, trying to do

a mold for us, and I--

in any case, I'm very, very sorry

to keep you guys waiting. No.

Listen, if it means that the whole world

will finally have full access

to midori Alexis's vagina

and anus, I say who are we to complain, you know?

Fingers crossed. You ready to see the factory?

(Machines clanking, whirring rhythmically)

I've tried my best to carry on my father's vision.

He had a real commitment to building here in America,

to top-quality materials and evolved design.

You know, we use hypo-allergenic rubber, we use

medical-grade silicone.

But your competitors are killing you on price

by using sub-standard materials

from China, right? Uh-huh.

Okay, so the question becomes,

how do you maintain your margins

without damaging your brand, right?

Exactly. I don't want to slash quality control.

I don't want to slash r and d.

We're very proud of our green initiative.

We're actually working towards

a sustainable manufacturing process.

'Cause who wants a carbon footprint up in her vagoo,

you know? Take this back

to the home office, get you something

by the end of the week, all right?

Excellent, thank you. Thank you so much.

God, I can't believe... I never realized...

Can you hang on a second?

Yeah.

Um... so, what was all that about?

What was what?

The giggling, the whispering.

Oh.

No, no, I was just... uh...

Nothing.

You're not gonna get counseled out or anything,

if that's-that's how the lingo goes.

Just say it.

I suppose I found it amusing

just that you were talking about top-quality materials

and evolved design, you know.

Like... like you were building a particle accelerator.

Have you ever tried our merchandise?

Have I tried your merchandise? Yeah.

I'm not trying to be-- I just think

we make a superior product.

I'll have my assistant send you something.

I don't need-- that's okay, you don't have to have...

Hey, Kathy, can you, uh, send a package

of some of our best-sellers over to Jeannie Van Der hooven

at galweather stearn, please?

Not to work.

Kathy, don't send me any dongs, please.