Frank of Ireland

Fuck!

I cannot believe you did it again.

Mam.

Aine is so boring.

How many times you gonna do this with her?

It's like return of the living dead.

Ah...

Her grandma died yesterday.

Oh, pity shag.

We're invited to the wake.

Aine, wakey wakey.

Shove it up your dick, Mary.

Oh...

Oh.

For... oh.

Your grandma had a long life, Aine.

I can't believe I rode you again.

Oh.

Last night was a mistake.

Absolutely.

Why?

For the last couple of weeks, Frank,

I've been...

I've been seeing someone.

A doctor.

Oh, my God.

Is it serious?

It might be.

Do I need to get tested?

No, Frank.

I've been seeing him.

We've, we've been seeing each other.

So it is serious?

Do I need to get tested or not?

I have to go.

That was the last time.

Absolutely.

Hey, do you wanna get brunch?

Thank God for the rain that washes the crap off the sidewalk.

Some day, a big rain will wash away all this scum on the street.

Loneliness follows me wherever I go.

I am God's lonely man.

Robert de Niro, Taxi Driver.

Very good.

It's a great movie. Have you seen it?

Nope, don't really watch m...

You never have had no pussy like that.

You could do whatever you like with her...

SIRENS BLARING

You can...

..cock so hard, she'll make it explode.

I was doing Harvey Keitel. Oh.

Doofus!

PLUMPS CAR HORN

Hey!

Doofus. Doofus.

Doofus!

Frank?

The wake, Doofus, the wake.

I can't Frank, I'll, I'll be fired.

I have to be back before lunch.

Frank?

What's the plan, Frank?

You hawk these by the buffet, I'll press the flesh,

check out the corpse.

Get your Duke Governs EP, two for a fiver.

Christ, Doofus.

St Francis of Assisi, come to preach the simple life.

Mam, what are you doing here? You said you couldn't give me a lift.

Free booze, bit of craic.

It's lovely to see you, Frank.

It'll mean so much to Aine.

Ah, myself and Aine are just friends now, Padraig, I've been very clear.

The last thing I want to do is get back with that nightmare

you call a daughter.

Now where's the corpse?

Me mam? Your mam, yeah.

They've got trifle, Frank!

Sandra's not your mam any more.

You know from this day forth, she's, she's just a dead old lady.

But I hope that helps.

Not really.

I wanted to ask you something, Frank.

Would you do us the very great honour

of playing a song at her funeral? What?

Holy shit! A gig?

No, not a gig.

No, no, no, I was thinking more like, uh, one song.

You know, at the funeral. He'll fuck it up, Padraig.

Doofus, he wants me to play a gig.

A gig? Holy shit balls. Whoo!

Gimme high five, buddy.

Look, that sounds great.

Let, let me think about it, Padraig, OK?

It, it's just it's been a while since I've actually, um...

can I get back to you? It's just... Yeah. Where's Aine?

She's inside with her new boyfriend.

Her new what? Why didn't someone tell me?

Have they...

have they done it yet? I hope not.

He does MMA.

For fu...

Duke Governs back in the game!

Frank!

What's this? Who's this?

Oh, my God, that's so weird.

Peter-Brian. Thanks for coming.

Peter-Brain. Thanks for coming.

Sorry, it's just I've never seen a stiff before.

She looks terrible.

Is she stuffed? She's not stuffed, Frank.

She looks so realistic.

What's going on here, how did this happen?

The doctor said it was organ failure.

Not this, this.

Oh, well, it's, uh, it's kind of a mad story actually.

Mad story actually.

I was walking down Thomas Street a few weeks ago

and all of a sudden, I see this vision and she's being

hassled by some awful thugs so I, um, well, look, I, I stepped in.

Don't be so modest, Peter-Brian.

He does MMA.

Oh, I heard.

And I know your type.

Underground ravings, all night sex parties,

drinking way too much water, shitting yourself.

Are you thinking of MDMA? No.

MMA stands for mixed martial arts.

I know what it stands for.

Well, I'm a musician. I'm sure Aine told you.

Well, she said you, you hadn't played in quite a while.

I'm actually playing the funeral tomorrow.

What, Frank, no.

Oh, what's your jam, man?

Don't bond with him.

I'm a singer-songwriter.

I go under the moniker, Duke Governs and the Legislators.

For the last few years, I've been working on a 32 track double

album about Ireland in which each song is named after a single county.

I've only got the titles so far but I just came up with

Blood is thicker than Waterford, so you're welcome.

What do you do when you're not preying on vagrants

and getting off your tits? I'm a doctor.

So am I.

You're not a doctor, Frank.

And I do MDMA.

MMA.

And you definitely don't do MMA. I do. Yeah.

Ah!

Are you a doctor, dude? No.

That's Frank.

Did you know that taking ecstasy, also known as dabbing

or bombing, is considered a gateway drug to many...

He doesn't do ecstasy, it stands for mixed martial arts.

Mixed martial arts, I know.

You're rushing things, Aine.

We only broke up... Six years ago. Six years ago.

And all of a sudden, you're out gallivanting with a yoked up

party boy. It doesn't mean ecstasy.

I know.

What was all that last night?

I was upset about my grandma.

Bullshit.

Frank, you don't want me.

You just want me to be unhappy without you.

Exactly.

So this thing you have going with Barry-Peter.

Peter-Brian.

It's 100% unacceptable.

You broke up with me because, because I wouldn't do anal.

A relationship should be give and take.

Give and take.

Are you guys going out again?

We'll see, Doofus. We'll see.

No Frank, it's over.

You warn Billy Barry in there, any funny stuff at my gig

tomorrow I'll knock his bloody block off.

I'd like to see you try.

We need to learn MMA before the funeral.

Book it now. No, I'm due back at work, Frank.

They'll sack me. MMA, now.

Shouldn't you rehearse instead? MMA now, now, now.

OK.

You ever seen the film Taxi Driver?

No.

Amazing movie.

In a world gone bananas, one sane man stands up for what's right.

Do you know what he called you?

He called you a little piece of chicken.

Don't really know the film so...

You never had no pussy like that!

You can do whatever you like with her...

SIRENS BLARING

..man, she'll get your cock so hard, she'll make it explode.

I was doing Harvey Keitel.

He was doing Harvey Keitel.

What time is it?

Might have a quick cry.

SOBBING

Five more minutes, Frank.