Charlie Brown's All-Stars

You blockhead, Charlie Brown!

Well, tomorrow starts another baseball season and--

I've worked up a few statistics about our team, Charlie Brown.

I think you'll find they have something to say to all of us.

I'll bet they have a lot to say.

What do they have to say?

Well, last year our opponents scored 3,000 runs to our total of six runs.

They made 4,900 hits to our 11 hits,

and they made four errors to our 375 errors.

And while we were losing 999 straight games, we--

I don't think I'm gonna get much sleep tonight.

See you tomorrow, Linus. And thanks for the statistics.

Charlie Brown, do your team a big favor tomorrow.

-What's that? -Don't show up.

I've got five boys, three girls, and a dog who can't throw.

And every time we lose, they call me a blockhead.

They never let me forget the mistakes I make.

Never.

Why do we have to suffer every year like this?

Maybe that blockhead, Charlie Brown, won't show up this time,

and we'll have a chance.

Well, team, here I am.

-Disaster time. We're doomed. -

What a team. Good grief. No manager goes through what I do.

All right now. This season's going to be different.

What's gonna make it different?

Well, first, last year we hit into too many double plays.

Therefore, I've arranged a demonstration on how to avoid double plays against us.

Snoopy's the runner, coming in from first to break up the play at second.

Now watch carefully. The play begins with Linus fielding.

Linus fields the ball.

Are there any questions?

I have a question, Charlie Brown. Do I have to play right field again?

Nobody in the stands can see my naturally curly hair.

And if I don't get time off to practice Beethoven,

I'm not going to play catcher.

And we can't keep up all that ridiculous infield chatter, like,

"Come on, Charlie Brown. Attaboy. You can do it."

Because you can't do it, Charlie Brown.

So you're turning us into a bunch of hypocrites.

And we don't like being hypocrites.

Baseball's supposed to build character, not tear it down.

All right, all right! Let's show a little cooperation.

Take your positions.

Pigpen, hasn't the other team shown up?

Unfortunately, yes.

All right, here we go. The first pitch of the season.

I have to get this first one right over the plate.

There it is.

Right over the plate, and clear over the backstop.

What kind of a pitcher are you?

You threw the first ball of the season clear over the backstop.

-It sort of got away from me. -Try to be more careful, Charlie Brown.

You almost hit my mother.

It's good to be back on the mound again. The sun is shining and my arm feels great.

Everything's just like it was in the good old days.

Unfortunately.

All right. So they have a man on first.

If this team's gonna beat us, they're really gonna have to try.

I hate it when they try.

I just have to concentrate. I just have to bear down. I just have to--

Hey, Frieda. How are things in right field?

Kind of boring. You going to the party Wednesday afternoon?

I sure am. You should see what my mother bought me to wear.

It's a white party dress with a huge sash...

- -...of sugar-pink satin.

That's the old pepper, Charlie, old boy. That's a pitchin' in there.

The slow ball's working pretty well today, Charlie Brown. Let's fool this next guy.

-Give 'em your fastball. -I've been giving them my fastball.

Don't tell me you're thinking about eating at a time like this.

Are you outta your mind?

Get back to your position and take that stupid dish with you.

Pay attention to the ball game.

Some of these infielders are kinda touchy.

It's a high fly ball!

-Catch it, Charlie Brown! -Catch it!

Have you got it, Charlie Brown?

Don't miss it!

Get under it, Charlie Brown!

-Isn't this exciting? -What if he drops it?

If he drops it, let's all kick him.

It's coming down, Charlie Brown!

The fly ball is coming down!

If I catch it, I'll be the hero. If I miss it, I'll be the goat.

I can hear it now, "Charlie 'the goat' Brown."

I had the ball right in my glove, and I dropped it.

Rats. Another game lost. I really thought we were going to win this one.

For one brief moment, victory was within our grasp.

And then the game started.

A hundred and twenty-three to nothing. Good grief.

What a way to lose your first game of the season.

By the way, where'd everybody go?

They all went off to cry.

-All of them? -All of them.

I quit.

I refuse to play anymore on a team that never wins.

Don't quit, Violet. Please. We need you. We need to stick together as a team.

After all, it's not the winning that counts.

The fun is in the playing. Oh, brother.

I'm quitting.

It's ridiculous to keep playing on a team that always loses.

This team will never amount to anything.

I refuse to play left field for a sinking ship.

We're through with baseball.

We're going to enjoy summer like the other kids.

I'm sorry, Charlie Brown, but I guess I'll quit too.

It's hard to play on a team that always loses. It's depressing.

I'm the kind who needs to win now and then.

With you, it's different.

I think you get sort of a neurotic pleasure out of losing all the time.

That's all I need, Little League psychiatry.

My whole team is deserting me. I wonder who'll be next.

I don't know what to do. I must be a terrible manager.

Maybe for the sake of the team, I ought to resign.

What's the rush? After 999 games, don't I deserve one more chance?

Fellow teammates...

Thank you, Mr. Hennessy. I'll tell Charlie Brown.

Charlie Brown, guess what.

Mr. Hennessy was wondering if you'd like to get in a real league.

I don't get it, Linus.

Mr. Hennessy wants to sponsor our team.

Sponsor our team?

Sure, Charlie Brown. Real uniforms and everything.

That's great.

Wait till the team hears about this. That's just the inspiration we need.

Now nothing will stop us.

Maybe we'll win one in a row.

I don't think we should get involved with this, Snoopy.

No one else will play baseball anyway. They're all doing other things.

You better forget it, Charlie Brown. See you later.

Hey, don't go. This will really inspire the team.

Real uniforms! A real league!

Real equipment! Uniforms! Uniforms!

Don't I look nice in my bikini?

Nope.

Don't you think I look like a beach bunny?

Nope.

Isn't he the cutest thing? He never says what he means.

Surf's up! Surf's up!

Wipeout!

Who wants to apply mouth-to-mouth resuscitation?

Blech.

Listen, everybody!

Charlie Brown, you can't possibly imagine how glad we'll all be

when summer is over and you're back in school.

Listen, everybody. I've got great news.

If it's about baseball, we don't want to hear it.

But this is good news.

If it's from you, Charlie Brown, it's failure news.

No, listen. I've got something to tell you about the baseball team.

Forget it, Charlie Brown. We're never gonna play baseball with you again.

Why don't you leave us alone, Charlie Brown?

You don't understand.

Mr. Hennessy at the hardware store is going to give us--

We're through with your team forever.

All right, listen, everybody.

What I've been trying to tell you

is Mr. Hennessy has agreed to buy us team uniforms.

We're going to get the chance to play in a real league.

Uniforms? Who'd want to waste uniforms on your team?

Mr. Hennessy has ordered the uniforms,

and we're even going to have names on them.

We're gonna play in a real league.

Real uniforms?

Will we be able to have lace cuffs?

Will they be drip-dry?

Okay, you blockhead.

If you can deliver the uniforms, we'll give you one more chance.

Boy, real uniforms. We'll show 'em.

Hello?

Oh, Mr. Hennessy? Yes, this is Charlie Brown.

They're here? Great. When can I get 'em?

Right now? Great. I'll be right down. I'll--

What's that? Why, yes. We do have a dog on the team.

Girls? Yes. We do have a girl or two on the team.

But-- But-- Oh, I couldn't do that, Mr. Hennessy. They're my team.

I couldn't tell the girls and Snoopy they couldn't be on the team.

Oh. You mean the league won't accept the girls or a dog on a team.

But, Mr. Hennessy, they're my friends, and he's my faithful dog.

Well, I understand, Mr. Hennessy.

I know it isn't your fault. Rules are rules.

I guess we'll have to do without uniforms and being in a real league.

Thanks anyway. Rats.

No uniforms. No real league. What am I going to do, Linus?

Mr. Hennessy just called, and we can't have the uniforms

unless we get rid of Snoopy and the girls from our team.

He says there's no place for them in an organized league.

Oh, brother. Lucy's gonna tear you limb from limb when you tell her.

She's gonna blow sky-high.