I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry

We're cleaning the house, baby.

Pick him up. I got him. I got him.

Yeah!

Nice shot. He got lucky.

Nice pass. Here we go. Ball.

I got him.

Don't let him shoot it!

Come on, come on! Put it up, Chuck!

Oh, yeah. Chuck, my man. All day, all day!

Yeah, Tony!

Tony, tag him.

Good steal.

Take the ball. Take the ball.

Come on!

Yeah!

Come on, come on. Come on.

Feel the power!

Foul! Foul!

That wasn't a foul.

Chuck! Shoot. That's it!

Chuck! Shoot it, man!

Chuck! Chuck! I need to talk to you!

Hey, Darla, what's the matter with you? You sound so upset.

You slept with my twin sister on Saturday. That's why I'm so upset!

How do you know for sure it wasn't you?

'Cause I wasn't there.

It sure looked like you were there to me.

Oh, he's dead.

Come on, let's figure this out together. This is a tricky situation.

Do me a favor. Say, "Oh, Chuck, keep buttering my biscuit."

Get out of here.

No, I'm trying to do detective work here, so we can both be happy.

I'm confused, too. I feel violated!

Chuck, keep buttering my biscuit.

You're right, that wasn't you.

You are such a loser, Chuck!

Let it go, Darla.

Hey, look who's here.

He has moved up from Marshalls to Bloomingdale's.

He didn't even know it was you that night, Donna!

That's a joke! He thought it was me!

He knew it wasn't you

because you would never do half the freaky stuff that we did!

Don't tell me I don't know how to satisfy a man!

You show up here in your...

You shut your mouth, you fat-ass!

Whoa, whoa. Hey, girls, look, come on.

Now, don't fight, you two. You're sisters.

Give each other a kiss and make up.

You're the only sisters you got. Use your tongues.

You dare us to?

Unless that's too freaky for Darla over here.

You'd be surprised just how freaky I can get.

I'm sorry, right now you gotta prove it to me.

Come forward. That's right.

Saved by the bell, girls. Yeah.

Hear the bell, gentlemen? Let's go! Time to make a living!

Somewhere something is burning!

What we got?

Both companies, first due, phone alarm. Prospect Place: .

Larry, Larry, let's go. All right, somebody call Larry a cab.

Shut up.

Fat-ass!

Chuck, you said you were gonna sign Mr. February for me!

I will. I just gotta go save the city first.

I'll call you! I'll call you!

No, I'm gonna call him!

No, I'm gonna call him!

Hey, who's this guy?

He's a transfer from Engine Company 12. Name's Duncan.

They say he put his captain through a wall.

For what?

Don't know. Don't want to know.

And my advice, don't ask him.

Hey, you.

My friend Karl here says you're an ax murderer. Is that true?

See, you're wrong, Karl. This is Karl, by the way.

He lives at 845 Rutland Road, Apartment 4C. Right?

Four floors fully involved.

Be nice to have some more ladders up here.

Going in alive.

Coming out the same way. Let's go.

Help me!

Please! My son is up there!

My baby! All right.

All right, all right, we'll get your baby.

Bernie! We'll get your baby.

My baby Bernie! Please! Calm down, calm down.

Please! It's all right.

Chuck, you got the keys. Use them. You got it, Chief.

All right.

Thing's a pain in my ass.

It's open.

Show off.

Bernie! Bernie!

I'm up here!

Hang in there, little man!

Hurry!

Up the stairs.

Let me hear that voice!

I'm up here in my room!

All right, try and stay calm. Come on.

Where you at, buddy? Hey!

Let's hear that voice!

I'm over here!

All right, let's find a new way in.

Help me.

Yes!

All right, all right.

Oh, thank God!

Holy Shamu.

I'm sorry. I can't get out of bed.

There's a bed under there?

Can you walk at all?

I haven't walked in five years!

All right, maybe if we strap a rocket ship on this guy, we'll get him out of here.

No, no, we can do this. People lift cars. It's adrenaline, you know?

Well, cars. This guy's more like a freaking minivan.

Hey, buddy, we're gonna help you out of here. Come on.

How's my mom? Your ma?

If she survived the birthing process, nothing's gonna take her down.

So, what, just grab a side, Chuck, come on.

Get a side there. What do you mean, get him?

What are we gonna do here? Come on, just...

Come on. Come on! We can't budge this fatso.

I know, let me chop him up. We'll take him down in pieces.

What? I'm kidding you.

We gotta hurry up here. Let's go. All right, all right.

Just grab the back of our coats.

Turn around, Chuck. Grab the back. Okay. All right.

Hey, hey, did you start this fire by lighting one of your farts?

That's funny.

Hold on to our coats. Hold on. Start running!

Go!

Go!

I'm running, Mama!

I'm running like the wind!

Slow down! Slow down!

Mama!

Chuck! Chuck, are you all right?

Thank God.

Oh, my God! Oh, sweet Lord. Broccoli. Oh, my God!

They saved me, those two. Yeah, they're my heroes.

I like you. I love you!

Oh, get me a hero! I'm starving!

Oh, get me out of here! Bring me to a deli!

So, how are the kids doing?

Oh, Tori, she's great, man.

She's playing soccer, scoring goals.

It's awesome. My man Eric?

Is he starting Little League yet?

Yeah. I don't think that's happening.

Why not?

May, me, my, mo, mo Mo, me, my, mo, may

Okay, Eric? That's enough.

Sit down and get ready for dinner.

Okay.

Dad, you smell like smoke. Did you put out a fire?

I wasn't roasting marshmallows.

That's so cool. You're so cool.

Could you help me out, Teresa,

and just grab that spaghetti sauce out of the microwave?

No. I have sub-train.

Would you please?

I just need a hand. I don't really know what I'm doing here.

Is last train for 15 minutes.

All right, you can go. Oh, God.

Oh, God.

There we are, Bolognese.

Looks more like bowl of shit.

Yeah, thanks for all your help, Teresa.

Okay, guys, so what is new?

I'm auditioning for the school musical, Pippin.

You... You like that, huh? The musical thing.

Yeah, I love it. I think it's my calling.

That's what you said about hopscotch.

You're just jealous 'cause I can do the splits.

Isn't that supposed to hurt his testicles?

Yes.

You, don't talk like that.

You, get back in your chair and finish your hot dog salad.

.guy really wants to take the ball every day,

and going right back out there.

And hits one to deep left field!

Dunn back, and it's out of here!

And the Mets now have a six to two lead.

Oh, boy.

Brownies are ready.

Would you stop using my Easy-Bake Oven?

But I like to bake.

Guys, would you settle?

Eric, why don't you watch the Met game, huh?

Welcome to the Municipal Employee and Planning Department.

Please tell me your name.

Larry Valentine.

I'm sorry, I didn't quite get that.

Larry Valentine.

You said, "Barry Schmalenpime. " Is that right?

Schmalenpime?

You said, "Schmalenpime. " Is that right?