Matilda

Everyone is born,

but not everyone is born the same.

Some will grow to be butchers or bakers or candlestick makers.

Some will only be really good at making Jell-O salad.

One way or another, though, every human being is unique,

for better or for worse.

Most parents believe their children are the most

beautiful creatures ever to Grace the planet.

Others take a less emotional approach.

- What a waste of time. - And painful.

And expensive. $9.25 for a bar of soap?

Well, I had to take a shower, Harry. $5000?

I'm not paying it. What are they gonna do, repossess the kid?

There's no way out. Make a U-turn.

All right.

- Harry! - All right.

Harry!

The Wormwood guy's back!

Harry and Zinnia Wormwood

lived in a very nice neighborhood, in a very nice house.

But they were not really very nice people.

Get out of the street, you little dodos!

The Wormwoods were so wrapped up in their own silly lives

that they barely noticed they had a daughter.

Had they paid any attention to her at all,

they'd have realized she was a rather extraordinary child.

Oh, my gosh, Matilda, now look what you did!

They named her Matilda.

You're supposed to eat the spinach. Ooh!

Ew, ew, ew. Ew, ew, ew!

Babies!

You're better off raising tomatoes.

By the time she was 2,

Matilda had learned what most people learn in their early 30s

How to take care of herself.

As time went by, she developed a sense of style.

Every morning, Matilda's brother, Michael, went to school.

Bye, Mom. Get out of here.

Her father worked selling used cars Make money.

For unfair prices. And her mother took off to play bingo.

Soup's on the stove. Heat it up if you get hungry.

Matilda was left alone.

That was how she liked it.

By the time she was 4, Matilda had read every magazine in the house.

One night, she got up her courage

and asked her father for something she desperately wanted.

A book? What do you want a book for?

To read.

To read? Why would you wanna read when you got the television set

sitting right in front of you?

There's nothing you can get from a book that

you can't get from a television faster.

Get out of the way!

Matilda already knew that she was somewhat different from her family.

She saw that whatever she needed in this world,

she'd have to get herself.

Bye. Ciao.

There's fish fingers in the microwave.

The next morning, after her parents left,

Matilda set off in search of a book.

Where are the children's books, please?

In that room right over there.

Would you like me to pick you out one with lots of pictures in it?

No, thank you. I'm sure I can manage.

From then on, every day, as soon as her mother went to bingo,

Matilda walked the 10 blocks to the library

and devoured one book after another.

When she finished all the children's books,

she started wandering around in search of something else.

Mrs. Phelps, who had been watching her with fascination

for the past few weeks,

offered Matilda some valuable library information.

You know, you could have your very own library card.

And then you could take books home

and you wouldn't have to walk here every day.

You could take as many as you like.

That would be wonderful.

So Matilda's strong, young mind continued to grow,

nurtured by the voices of all those authors

who had sent their books out into the world

like ships onto the sea.

These books gave Matilda a hopeful and comforting message

You are not alone.

Any packages come today?

Mm-mm.

Where did all this come from?

The library.

The library? You've never set foot in a library. You're only 4 years old.

Six and a half.

You're 4. Six and a half.

If you were 6 and a half, you'd be in school already.

I want to be in school. I told you

I was supposed to start school in September. You wouldn't listen.

Get up. Get UP!

Get out here. Give me that book.

Dearest pie, how old is Matilda? Four

I'm 6 and a half, Mommy. Five, then.

I was 6 in August. You're a liar.

I wanna go to school. School!

Out of the question. Who would be here to sign for the packages?

We can't leave valuable packages sitting out on the doorstep.

Now, go watch TV like a good kid.

You know, sometimes I think there's something wrong with that girl.

Hm. Tell me about it. Mm.

Hey, dip-face,

have a marshmallow. Have another marshmallow, dip-face!

Dip-face!

Sometimes Matilda longed for a friend.

Someone like the kind, courageous people in her books.

It occurred to her that like talking dragons and princesses

with hair long enough to climb, such people might exist only in storybooks.

But Matilda was about to discover that she could be her own friend.

That she had a kind of strength she wasn't even aware of.

I'm great! I'm incredible!

Michael, pencil and paper, in the kitchen.

Did we sell some cars today, honeydew?

Did we!

Does that mean I can get that new TV?

Yeah. Son, one day you're gonna have to earn your own living.

It's time you learned the family business.

Sit down. Write this down.

All right. The first car your brilliant father sold cost $320.

I sold it for $1158.

The second one cost $512. Mm-hm.

I sold it for $2269.

Wait, Dad, you're going too fast. Just write.

The third cost $68. I sold it for $999.

And the fourth cost $1100.

I sold it for 7839 big American boffos.

Harry! What was my profit for the day?

Could you repeat the last one...? $10,265.

Check it if you don't believe me.

You're a little cheat. You saw the paper.

From all the way over here?

Are you being smart with me?

If you're being smart with me, young lady, you're gonna be punished.

Punished for being smart?

For being a smart aleck.

When a person is bad, that person has to be taught a lesson.

Person? Get up!

Get up. NARRATOR: Harry Wormwood

had unintentionally given his daughter

the first practical advice she could use.

He meant to say, "When a child is bad."

Instead he said, "When a person is bad."

And thereby introduced a revolutionary idea

that children could punish their parents.

Only when they deserved it, of course.

Michael, come into my room.

What?

My boy, today's the day I take you to the shop. What do you say?

I don't know. What do you say, Dad?

I say appearance is nine-tenths of the law.

People don't buy a car, they buy me.

Which is why I personally take such pride in my appearance.

Well-oiled hair, clean shaved, snappy suit.

Now, run along and get ready for a big day of learning, kid. Heh.

It's gonna be a big day of learning too.

There's a sucker born every minute. We're gonna take them for all they got.

Give me the cookies.

Here.

Okay, my boy, heir to the throne.

Today we diddle the customer.

What's wrong with you? What are you looking at?

Lovekins, where's my breakfast?

Here we are, my heartstrings. Aah!

Snickerdoodle, what did you do to your hair?

My hair?

Give me those things. Give me that. Where are you going with those?

Give me those. Get in the car. Go on.

Get in. NARRATOR: Dirty dealings,

Like buying stolen car parts, never stay secret for long.

Especially when the FBI gets involved.

9:17, suspect exits domicile.

I've got 9:18.

9:17 is correct.

Michael, one day all this will be yours.

This?

See this junker? I paid $100 for it.

She's got 120,000 miles on her.

Transmission shot, bumpers have fallen off.

What do I do with her? Hm?

I sell her.

We really should weld these bumpers on,

but that takes time, equipment, money.

So we use Super Super Glue instead.

Go ahead, put it on there.

Won't it fall off?

Definitely. Isn't that dangerous?

Not to me, okay?

Transmission.

The sawdust quiets the gears, and lets the engine run as sweet as a nut

for a couple of miles. Ha-ha-ha. Daddy, that's cheating.

Of course it's cheating. Nobody ever got rich being honest.

20 years ago, we could turn the numbers back by hand. But...

Here, take my hat.

But the feds like to test the ingenuity of the American businessman.

Two-directional drill.

You run it backwards, the numbers go down.

Watch the speedometer.