First Date

- Good evening, good afternoon, good morning!

Now you see those greetings work two fold.

Firstly, because this is an international stream,

so we have audience members from all around the world,

different countries, different time zones.

Hello,

And secondly, because I have absolutely no idea

what time of day it is anymore.

But welcome to the theater, live in your living room.

How quaint.

Now here at the the Chateau du Theatre Digital.

We have slightly different rules to most theaters.

For example, we can't ask you

to turn off your electronic devices,

'cause you wouldn't be able to watch the darned thing.

So instead we ask that you keep them on,

you turn them up loud

and you tweet along with the show

using the hashtag #firstdatemusical.

I know, shameless.

Speaking of shameless,

if there's any single guys out there

who might feel lonely after watching this romantic musical,

please know that my DMs are open and I am desperate.

Now, there will be one brief intermission

or as the Brits call it, an interval or wine time.

So, enjoy this American musical brought to you entirely

by British actors in the middle of a global pandemic.

And if you don't enjoy it, well, screw you.

We worked so hard.

Now, pour yourself a glass of wine,

fill your face with snacks, and enjoy the show.

- Hi. - Hey.

Are you waiting for a table?

You know what?

I'm gonna wait and see how the drinks portion

of the evening goes first

and then we'll see how it goes from there.

I don't wanna be too presumptuous.

You know what I mean?

- Well, can I get you something while you wait?

Beer, vodka, Xanax?

I'll just have a beer please.

Yeah, does that sound right?

Yes, I will have a beer, thank you.

Do you care what kind?

Just something on tap.

In a big glass, a big, big manly glass.

- Oh, so this is a first date, huh?

Yeah, is it that obvious?

- Well, you got pretty dressed up for it, didn't you?

Yeah, I came from work.

I thought the suit would make me seem impressive

and or distinguished.

Am I wrong?

- Honestly, I think it's making you seem desperate

and or douche-y.

But maybe I'm wrong.

She's gonna be here any second,

what am I supposed to do now?

That's okay, relax.

Just to get rid of the tie.

Okay, yeah, yeah, tie's going away.

Let's lose the tie.

A tie going, bye-bye .

I can , thank you.

And loose the glasses.

Yeah, okay, .

Wow, we're gonna keep the glasses.

Yup.

And pop the collar a little.

Oh, okay popping, pop again.

And okay.

Okay what?

Honey, that's all I got.

Can I help you?

I don't know, maybe it depends.

I'm supposed to be meeting some random guy here for a drink.

- Oh, you must be the other half of the first date.

He's already here.

He is?

How is he?

'Cause my sister said he might in fact

be the man of my dreams.

She did?

Are you and your sister close?

Oh shit, I knew it, okay, be honest.

What are we dealing with here?

Asks a million questions, guys, super sweaty guy,

overconfident guy, what?

No, no, no.

I think he's...

Well, I'm just gonna to let you decide that for yourself.

He's right over there.

Oh, allergy guy, good times.

Bring me a shot of something strong, will you?

And a chaser of something even stronger.

Hi, Casey, you must be-

Hi, Aaron, yes, that's me.

Nice to meet you.

Hi, I'm-

- I know. - Not entirely sure

what the protocol is here.

- I know. - We can't handshake,

we can't hug, so what are we gonna do?

Why don't we just start with the elbow

and then see where we go from there, .

Coming in with the elbow, boom.

What is that?

What are you doing?

Not entirely sure.

Occasionally I'm an idiot.

Wanna have a seat?

- Yes. - Yes, safer, .

Would you like a drink?

Oh, I already ordered two on the way in.

Thank you, what are you drinking?

Nothing special, just a brewski.

Did you just say brewski?

Yes I did, .

But if it makes you feel any better,

I regretted it the second it came out of my mouth.

- Are you okay Aaron, 'cause you seem a little nervous?

Yeah, no, do I?

Sorry, it's just that I don't go on a lot on blind dates.

Actually, this is most definitely my real first.

For Real?

- For realsies, so if I seem a little bit nervous

it's only 'cause you know, I am.

- Well, don't be because the more nervous you get

the more I wanna make a mad dash for that door .

Here we go!

Jesus Christ!

One beer for the gentleman.

Thank you.

And one shot for the lady.

Thank you.

And one cocktails for the lady.

Thank you .

So what was that all that about?

It's called taking the edge off.

You should try it, BDV, might loosen you up.

BDV?

Blind Date Virgin.

That's my new nickname for you, you mind it?

- No, well, I prefer something like A-train

or Wolverine but-

Good, now BDV, can I ask you a question?

- Yeah, sure, ask me anything I'm an open book.

- If you've never been on one of these before

why go on one now?

- Well, Kevin, your sister Lauren's husband-

Aka my brother-in-law?

Right, him.

Well, he said that you were really cute

and that I would be an absolute moron to pass this up.

So I decided to take a risk and listen to him.

How about you?

Lauren said you look like Brad Pitt.

So do you agree with Kevin?

About what?

Am I really cute?