Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee

This is a 1970 Mercedes-Benz 280SE low-grill cabriolet.

That's right, I said low-grill.

They only made this low-profile hood line and front grill in 1970.

It's rare.

There's only about 200 of them.

This delicious car is finished in tobacco brown with a beige leather interior, a 2.

8-liter six-cylinder, that's just old-school Mercedes solid.

This is a car that says, however I did it, I got some money, I earned it,

I stole it, I married it, whatever, I got it.

I'm financially comfortable.

I want to be physically comfortable.

Hello?

Ali?

Jerry?

I'm almost at your house.

I'm excited.

Get me out of here.

My guest this week is the hilarious Ali Wentworth, who is not only talented and

funny, but she's also married to George Stephanopoulos.

And Ali and George happen to be very close friends of Mrs. Seinfeld and myself.

Ali's one of the only WASP-y people I know, so I got this WASP-y car.

This is going to be easy.

I'm Jerry Seinfeld, and it's WASP-y week on Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee.

I love your hair like this.

Thank you.

Here's the car.

Oh, my God, I love this car.

Oh, my God, it's my people.

Look at this white steering wheel, Ali.

Is that chic or what?

It's so chic.

How right do you look and feel right now?

You want to be a WASP today?

Yes.

You know, everybody always says, oh, WASP.

Oh, my gosh, your ancestor was Captain of the Mayflower.

But everyone on the Mayflower, they were all just pimps and thieves.

I mean, my mother's name is Muffy.

And you can't grow up with a mother named Muffy and then not mock it.

Do you think I could work at all in that culture?

You have a little bit of an aloof facade that works very well, you know, because there's no emotions.

And all our genitals are spackled shut, so there's no bat.

Do you think that I could be married to a WASP?

I don't think you'd like it.

If you equate it even on a sexual level, she's redoing her closet during sex.

And you know it, but you're, it's a transaction.

Everyone just wants to get to sleep.

Who gets the credit for going, hey, these people are kind of fun to be like?

Ralph Lauren first, and he sold the lifestyle, which my people thank him for that.

And there he is.

We're talking about Ralph Lauren right in front of his store.

Look at that cute little fuzzy brown dog.

Don't you want to just take him and put him in some soapy water and wash something?

Yeah.

Oh, the bus decided he was going to go.

Just imagine being a bus driver in this city.

Forget it.

You'll do what you need to do.

You're going to do what you need to do.

Get those people to work.

You work around me.

Yeah.

They probably saw Speed and thought it was a documentary.

I have a lot of friends and George just, you know, I

can't deal with the husband or I can't deal with the wife.

Yeah.

For two couples to hang out, four relationships have to function on some level.

That's exactly right.

Four.

If it's not four out of four, it doesn't work.

So our kids go to the same school.

Were you there on orientation night?

The truth is, we left early.

I was literally biting my tongue when they started with, you know, sixth grade is a big adjustment.

I just want to go, really?

Really?

Who cares?

How about they just adjust to it then?

And we not worry about it.

And why don't you handle it?

We're not doing this together.

This is your job.

Yeah, you do it.

We feed them at the end of the day.

That's what we do.

Let's make sure their environment is so perfectly habitable they are completely unprepared for real life.

These kids were like, you criticize them and they're like, what?

What are you talking about?

So far everyone's loved everything I've done.

That's a funny sight, those two vehicles side by side.

Who loses this collision?

Do you want to put the top up?

If I were smart, I would have brought an Hermes scarf, so my hair wouldn't... Yeah.

Do you want to buy one?

Let's head up Madison, and we're going to find a silk scarf.

Blue tree, right here.

Okay.

I'm looking for a silk scarf, if my mother taught me anything.

Women in the mirror kill me.

I know, but at least I'm not going...

I go, what's that?

You can't hold that face all day.

No!

This is the WASP-y girl thing to do.

You take your bag and you go...

Oh, no.

Now we've littered.

But we're WASPs.

We don't care.

All right, I'm going to figure this out.

I don't think you know how to do that thing.

What a day for a drive.

I'm going to give you a perfect example of WASP.

When I was in therapy in L.A., we talked about depression.

And I came back and I said to my parents, is there a history of depression in our family?

And both my mother and father said, no.

And I said to my mother, didn't my grandparents kill themselves?

And in their minds, no, they just died of natural causes.

That's WASP-y.

Well, yeah.

All causes are natural.

One of my favorite things my mom ever said was, I had just given birth to Elliot.

You know, you're in labor, you're sweating, it's a horrible, messy ordeal.

And my mother came in and said, it wouldn't hurt you to put a little lip gloss on before George comes in.

And it sticks with you a little bit.

Oh, this looks fancy.

What do I do with the car?

You could leave it running, but you also can toss the keys.

Oh, I want to do that.

I've never tossed a set of keys.

Thank you.

You're very welcome.

That's the way you do it.

Now you're getting it.

Oh, he'll pay for that.

I heard a good line recently.

Yeah.

What is a trick to a long marriage?

Don't get divorced.

That's a little dumb.

What do you mean?

Nobody just wants a long marriage.

It's just like having a long leg.

I like the simplicity of it.

Yeah, it's simple because it's devoid of thought.

As you know, there's nothing more that I love than another couple having problems.

Yes, I think of it as battle because you know how to kill.

You know the weapons they have.

You know their hideaway.

Like, if you know all that stuff.

I want to know what we're talking about here.

It has to be specific.

What is the fight?

I'm going to give you the latest fight.

Okay.

All right, so I've hurt my leg.

I mean, I am bandaged up, up on pillows, and I can't walk.

What, did you just scrape it on a rock?

Falling into the rocks.

But I'm telling you, it was down, and it opened, and you could carve your initials on my bone.

There was the bone.

And by the way, if I showed you a photograph of the wound, which he was sent

from the hospital, you wouldn't vomit in your mouth.

I'm back from Iraq.

That's how bad it was.

So the first thing George said to me after I called him, after I'd come out of the

operating room where I was under general anesthesia, was, you better rest up.

You have a lot of unpacking to do.

All right, I'm going to take a Percocet and let that one go.

If there's another one, I'm going to grenade up.

But right now, I'm just going to let that go.

So we go back to the city in silence in the car.

You're in the fight.

Yeah.

Okay, we're in it now.

We're not screaming.

It's silence.

And that's a bad one.

If you shift or anything in the car, it just echoes like a smashed glass on slate.

The drive felt like two days, you know, just seething.

Now, what is he upset about?

That's what I can't figure out.

When people tell you a story of some horrible incident, the way they portray

themselves in the story is unbelievably reasonable.

So I'm beating a homeless man with a golf club.

Not because I'm angry, but just because he didn't belong there.

Right.

Their side of it is always so reasonable.

Yeah.

We have talked about the style in which we fight, which has changed.

You're not allowed to get ghetto.

You and George would get ghetto?

I'm speaking for myself.

Here's what I learned.