The Big Bang Theory

English Subtitles. The Big Bang Theory S09E03 The Bachelor Party Corrosion

Would you pass the mustard?

Sure.

Hey, want to hear a fun fact about mustard?

Is it that the glucosinolates which give mustard its flavor

were evolved by the cabbage family

as a chemical defense against caterpillars?

Yeah.

Well, that was fun.

Good for you, Leonard.

Hey, there.

Hey, you're early.

The movie doesn't start for an hour.

Actually, we're not going to the movies.

We are here to kidnap you.

What are you talking about?

Well, you eloped and we didn't get a chance

to throw you a bachelor party,

so there's a van downstairs

and we're here to take you

to a surprise location for the weekend.

Well, I'd hardly call this kidnapping.

Where's the blindfold?

Where's the duct tape?

Where's the part

where you call me and demand ransom

and I try to keep you on the phone,

but you hang up seconds before I can trace it

and then I say, "I'm getting too old for this crud"?

When do we leave?

Right now.

Yeah, Penny packed you a bag.

Wow, okay.

You're seriously going to get in a van and let these two

take you to an unknown destination

for an entire weekend?

Oh, not just him; you're coming, too.

Oh, and how do you think you're going to get me to do that?

Unhand me!

This is ridiculous!

I told you to put tape on his mouth!

And I told you he bit me!

== sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man

It's bad enough I'm being taken

against my will.

I don't see why it has to be in

some hippie's mobile sex dungeon.

Well, Sheldon, there's something about this van

that you're going to find very interesting.

It runs on syphilis?

This van was owned and driven by your personal

physics hero...

Richard Feynman.

No. Yeah!

A buddy of mine let me borrow it.

This was Feynman's van?

That's so cool.

Yeah, nothing's been changed since he drove it.

I bet he picked up a lot of cute grad students in this bad boy.

Yeah, and talked about physics with them!

So, are you gonna give us a clue where we're headed?

Uh, okay, let's see...

They've got spicy food

and there's a chance you'll get diarrhea.

India.

We can drive there.

Your house?

We are going to Meh-he-co!

Fun, I've never been there!

Leonard, don't be fooled!

I'm from Texas--

Meh-he-co is Spanish for Mexico.

What's wrong with Mexico?

Uh, mariachi bands, wild dogs,

beans that jump around 'cause there's a worm inside.

Okay, calm down.

There's a theme to this weekend.

We are going to Mexico in Feynman's van

to stay at the vacation house Feynman bought

with the money from his Nobel Prize.

Viva la Imodium!

Ay-ay-ay!

Come on, Leonard's doing bachelor stuff.

You sure we can't take you to a strip club?

Nah, if I want to see a naked dancing man,

I just flush the toilet while Leonard's in the shower.

Hi. Hey.

I know we're not making a fuss,

but in the spirit of bachelorette parties,

I made cookies in the shape of male genitals.

You really didn't have to...

Whoa!

That is anatomic.

Thank you.

The veins are gummy worms.

Oh, look,

Jewish and gentile.

I had extra dough.

Oh, that's Leonard.

He said they're about to cross the border.

I hope the boys don't get too crazy in Mexico.

Oh, yeah, right. Lock up your daughters

or Sheldon might lecture them

about the North American Free Trade Agreement.

Boy, that was a long night for me.

Uh-oh.

According to this Mexican Customs Web site,

visitors may not bring more than five laser discs,

20 compact discs

or 12 VHS tapes.

We don't have any of those.

How can you be sure?

VHS was king when Feynman drove this van.

For all we know, there are hidden compartments

lousy with Jane Fonda workout videos.

If there was a hidden compartment,

don't you think you'd be stuffed in it by now?

Are we all up to date on our yellow fever inoculations?

You don't need a yellow fever shot to go to Mexico.

You can never be too careful.

I got one last year before I went to Epcot.

So, Penny, how's married life?

Oh, it's good.

I just wish Leonard would work up the courage

to tell Sheldon he's moving in here.

You guys still aren't living together?

We are. I mean, he sleeps here.

But it's only a matter of time

before Sheldon has a bad dream

and tries to climb into bed

with the Leonard-shaped pile of pillows.

Speaking of Sheldon,

how's single life treating you?

Fine, I guess.

I've been focusing on me.

I was thinking about changing my wardrobe.

Yes! Good for you!

But then I decided I don't want to go changing who I am

just because of some man.

Yes. Good for you.

You know, it is normal

to want to change your look after a breakup.

Actually, I was thinking of making one small change.

Your sweater? Your glasses?

Your hair? Your shoes!

Piercing my ears.

Oh. Oh.

You really never had that done?

My mom said pierced ears

were for whores, pirates and genies.

Okay, well, you're a grown woman now.

I know, but Sheldon had this clause

in the Relationship Agreement

forbidding cosmetic surgery

unless it's to look like a Klingon.

We'll take you to the mall to get it done.

Why? I can do it right here.

Really?

You have a piercing gun? No.

All you need is a needle and an ice cube.

I've done it, like, a dozen times.

Oh, I don't know.

Oh, come on. I'll be gentle.

Let me take your ear virginity.

This party's weird.

Hey, watch your speed.

I hear the Mexican police target tourists.

Oh, not a problem.

If anything goes down,

we just put Koothrappali in the driver's seat

and slap a sombrero on his head.

Dude, how many races can you offend in a single breath?

I don't know.

Have you watched the Olympics with me?

Sheldon, can you believe that we're driving in a van

that was owned by one of the greatest scientific minds

of the 20th century?

It's like the Batmobile.

If Batman was real

and a physicist

and his car wasn't cool.

It is extraordinary.

Perhaps some of his mojo will rub off on us.

Maybe between this and his beach house,

we will be inspired to greatness.

I usually don't put too much stock in charms and talismans.

However, even I must admit

feeling Richard Feynman's

butt dent cupping my own bottom...

that does get the creative juices flowing.

Hey, I have to return this van.

Keep your creative juices in your pants.

What was that?

I think it's a tire.

What if it's banditos shooting at us?

What if we get kidnapped?

What if we end up in a factory making Bart Simpson piñatas

for the rest of our lives?!

It's the tire.

Leonard?