About a Boy

Yeah, and then he was like, "I will look for you.

"I will find you.

And I will 'kall' you."

That is such a good Liam Neeson.

Thank you.

If he were a drunk leprechaun.

Hey!

You could not do better than that.

I will look for you.

Oh. Oh.

I will find you.

And I will kill you!

Oh!

Oh, hi, Fiona.

I'm so sorry.

We just saw this movie

where Liam Neeson, like, kills an entire country

with his bare hands.

Don't even bother explaining.

She doesn't like anything that's fun and violent.

Hey, we got a single malt

calling our name in there, so let's go.

Hey, no, I live alone.

I know what's it like to have to take out the trash by yourself at night.

Well, this is actually compost going in the worm hole, Liz.

But thank you. Point applies.

Nice to have an empathetic person around, Will, a human.

You know what has made me feel safer?

Krav Maga.

Yeah, it's Israeli self-defense training.

It's very empowering.

Do you know, my friend Moishe on the kibbutz,

he was always trying to get me to try Krav Maga,

but I was always too busy making the babka.

You know, you could come with me.

Yeah. That'll be fun.

I'll text you. Will has your deets, right?

Yeah, totally. I got her deets.

And I'll get those to you.

You go get comfy.

I'll go get those to you right away, all right?

Get cozy.

Back off, babka.

What?

I like that girl very much,

and any time you get near someone that I like,

bad things happen.

But I happen to like her,

and despite her very questionable taste in men,

I'm going to hang out with her.

She's nice. So I'll give her my deets myself.

Fine, but if you figure out a way,

with your weird compost voodoo, to ruin what I have going

with that adorable girl in there,

I will look for ye.

I will find ye.

And I will kill ye.

God, you sound like the Lucky Charms fellow.

That was perfect Liam Neeson.

You know it!

What is this chaos on the screen, buddy?

My last text exchange with Shea.

I sent her heart, heart, flame,

winky face, winky face,

sumo wrestler, obviously, heart.

Right, okay.

And she sent me...

Skull.

Oh, that's what that is.

The point is, our emoji trade deficit is at record levels here.

Okay, that's not a thing.

Sure, it is.

That initial frisson we first felt

when we came together, it's fading, Will.

Here's the deal:

You just need to take Shea on a great date, okay?

The best date I ever went on,

when Sam and I just really started to connect,

we walked by this fountain,

and we ended up liberating these pedal boats.

Pedal boats!

Is there no end to your genius?

No end.

It's the perfect plan.

I'm going to pedal up the romance with Shea,

and you're coming along to help.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, chaperoning and romance

do not go hand-in-hand, my friend.

Well, neither do romance and drowning.

I need you there, Will.

I swim like a stone.

- I'm already texting Shea. - Oh, boy.

Okay, just be honest

- with me here. - Mm-Hmm.

Is 16 winky faces too much?

- Yes. - You're right.

- 17 it is. - Okay.

- Hey. - Hi.

So I have a favor...

- Ooh! - To ask you,

and it's annoying and lame, and I'm really sorry.

Wow, annoying and lame.

Are you trying to drive me wild with desire?

Can you pick Clay up after practice

and just, like, hang out with him for a couple of hours?

Oh, uh, I would absolutely love to.

I'm chaperoning Marcus on a date.

It's so important to him.

It's gonna be funny.

Here you go.

Okay, I don't want to be that girlfriend, but...

Earlier, you got a little weird

when Fiona and I were talking about hanging out.

And now you're picking her kid's thing

over my kid's thing.

Whoa, whoa, wait. Hold on.

Hold on a second.

Well, I mean, you have to admit

you guys do have kind of a--

It's a strange relationship.

No, she's strange. I'll give you that.

No, but she and I are totally normal.

Hey, can you do me up?

Oh, my God,

did Kofi annan come out with a women's line of clothing?

Zip it, J.Crew. Literally.

Hello, Liz!

Looking forward to our Krav Maga sesh.

Have you seen my moccasins?

Pointy toe or round toe?

Pointy.

Oh, they're hideous.

Yeah, they're under your couch.

You liked them before.

What time would you like me to pick Clay up?

- 2:30. - That's perfect for me.

All right, how is having your girlfriend's son on my date

a good thing?

Listen, I can't be a third wheel, all right?

You need a fourth wheel to balance the vehicle.

Balance the vehicle? Is that a thing?

No, not really, but just trust me.

Don't worry. You won't even know he's here.

Ahoy!

Me and my lady seek your fittest plastic vessel.

This one should suffice.

Be she polished and seaworthy?

She be 10 bucks, no refunds.

Wait, life vests optional?

Who wouldn't take an option that could save your life?

Actually, I'm--I'm good.

Yeah, it's, like,

2 feet deep out here, all right, Marvin?

I think you're gonna be okay.

All right, first, it's Marcus.

And second of all, you obviously haven't read

the same safety blogs my mom and I do.

All right guys, listen up.

There ain't no shame in the safety game, all right?

Dude wants a vest, he's going to get a vest.

You look like a woman's small.

Those are out back.

I will return in the blink of an eye.

So what are you listening to?

He can't hear a word you're saying.

Don't even bother asking questions.

Just stare out at the water.

Actually, it's these guys, 4Cain.

No one really knows them, though.

Really?

Wait, when'd you get that?

Oh, today with a Sharpie,

but if I can save up enough,

then I'm gonna get it for real.

Oh, you should go to my guy. He's the best.

Hey, just put your shirt down. What's wrong with you?

Marcus is about to come back--

Are you two lovebirds going in or not?

They're not lovebirds. They just met.

They're not together.

Actually, we have a class together-- world civ.

- She never shows up, so I-- - Hey, hey, hey.

He's not writing a book about you.

I don't care what you are.

You're holding up my line.

Oh, sir, no. Wait, hold on.

Marcus, Marcus!

Right, who's ready

for a sensible balance of fun and safety...

Where's my lady going?

All right, you got to look on the bright side, buddy.

You and I get to go boating together.

You don't get seasick, do you?

All right, if Liam Neeson can jump out of a helicopter into a powerboat,

we should be able to get you into that thing

if you could just help me out with a little more pedaling.

Ugh. All right, one question.

Why is the sky so cloudy and dark?

I thought the weather was clear today.

What are--