South Park

That was a hoot and a holler.

Did you like that "South Park"-ateers?

children: You bet! - That sure was

a good episode, wasn't it?

But this next episode is our favorite episode.

It's called "Damien" and it's about

the ultimate fight between good and evil.

But more than that, it's about being the new kid in school.

That's right, "South Park"-ateers.

You know, being the new kid in school sure can be hard.

Matt and I know from first-hand experience

because, well, we used to beat

the crap out of the new kids all the time.

And because the episode has Jesus and Satan in it,

well, we received a lot of complaints

from religious organizations from around the country.

They said we were being blasphemous and sacrilegious.

To which we say, well, you're all a bunch of

Christian -heads.

Wow, you said a mouthful there.

Oh, hey, gang, it's our friend Indian companion.

Someone coming.

We don't care.

We don't care that someone's coming.

Can't you say something else?

It's always "Someone coming," "Someone coming."

We don't care. We--I hope someone comes.

We like people.

Kids, let's all tell Indian companion to go away.

children: Go away, Indian companion!

Well, now why don't we all sit back

and get a little rowdy and watch "Damien."

Yee-haw!

children: Hooray!

Here you go, Kyle.

And here's your, Stan. - What is this, Cartman?

They're invitations to my birthday party

this weekend. - Oh, sweet.

Your mom's giving you a big party again this year?

Cartman's mom throws the best birthday parties ever!

That's right. - Yeah, if my mom could cook

like Cartman's mom, I'd be a big, fat-ass too.

That's ri--hey!

Oh, Eric, I didn't get an invitation.

Oh really?

Gosh, where could I have put Pip's invitation?

Let's see... Pip's invitation,

Pip's invitation...

Oh, I remember.

I shoved it up my ass!

Yes, that's right, I wrote it out,

put it in an envelope, sealed it,

and then, bloop, shoved it right up my ass.

Forever ruining any chance you had

of coming to my birthday party.

Sorry Pip, old chap.

Here's yours Wendy and here's yours Clyde.

Children, children, today is a very special day.

No, my birthday isn't until Saturday.

I'm not talking about your birthday, Eric.

We have a new student joining our class today.

Ugh. - Now, some of you know

what it's like to be the new kid in town.

So I want you all to take special care

to make him feel welcome.

I want you all to meet our new classmate--

uh, what's your name again?

Damien.

Say hi to Damien.

And where are you from, Damien?

The seventh layer of hell. - Oh that's exciting.

My mother was from Alabama.

My arrival denotes end of the beginning.

The beginning of the end.

The new reign of my father.

Your father? - The Prince of Darkness.

Wow, we have royalty in our class.

Why don't you take your seat, Damien.

We're gonna finish our lesson on great singers

of the Baroque era.

Now children, Nancy Sinatra was quite a choice piece of ass...

Hey, new kid, do you want an invitation

to my birthday party? - Here begins the rule of pain.

The new domination of-- - Psyche!

I wasn't gonna give you an invitation.

Hey, who cut your hair, Stevie Wonder?

Whoa, dude! - Damn, what a freak!

- Hey, I had a Poofy Pie in that desk!

Now feel the wrath of the fallen angel.

The plague of blight is upon thee.

Damien, do you need to sit in time out for a few minutes?

Hey, Cartman, how come the birthday invitation

you gave me says, "Green Mega Man"?

Yeah, mine says, "Red Mega Man".

Right, that's what you're supposed to get me

for my birthday. - Dude...

You're not supposed to tell people what to get you

for your birthday. - Yeah, that's weak.

Look, it's very simple, guys.

Green Mega Man goes with Red Mega Man

and Yellow Mega Man to make the Ultra Mega Mega Man.

You have to have all three or it doesn't work, see?

Up yours, Cartman, I'll get you whatever the hell I want.

Oh, so maybe you don't want to have any of my mom's

cake pan ice cream, then.

Oh, Green Mega Man it is.

Now as you can see Kenny,

you are to get me Yellow Mega Man.

That's because Yellow Mega Man is the cheapest one,

and I know how poor your family is.

Hey, what you think you're doing, new kid?

Yeah you can't sit with us, weirdo.

Infidels! I will turn you all into beasts of burden!

You can't sit us with us new kid.

Go find another table. -

Any way Kenny, Yellow Mega Man is only 8.95.

So maybe your mom can put it on layaway

and make payments for a year or two.

Hey! Oh, good day, Damien.

My name is Phillip, but everyone calls me "Pip",

because they hate me! - Then I will call you Pip.

Right-o. - Hey, new kid.

Kenny says he saw your mom drop you off this morning,

and she's a real dog. -

That does it! Woof-ah!

What the-- - Dude, he turned Kenny

into a duck-billed platypus!

A what? -

Hey, turn him back, you butthole.

He has to buy me the Yellow Mega Man.

Hello there, children.

Hey, Chef. - How's it going?

Bad. - Why bad?

Chef, there's a new kid in school

and he's a total weirdo freak.

Oh, children, children.

You shouldn't not like somebody

just because they're different.

Here let me sing you a little song.

What were we talking about again?

The new kid. - Death to the holy.

The wrath of the fallen angels now waits for you all!

Whoa!

Oh, that is one fudged-up little cracker.

We told you, dude.

We've got to do something, children!

He's tearing my cafeteria apart.

Bring me Jesus!

My wrath shall continue until I speak with Jesus!

both: Jesus?

Two minutes to air, Jesus.

Thanks Roland, blessed art thou.

Jesus, Jesus! - Hi kids.

I only do autographs after the show.

No, no, there's a big problem at school.

Some new kid showed up wearing all black.

And Chef thinks he's evil.

Yeah, look what he did to our friend Kenny.

Wow, that's pretty heavy.

This new kid, he just keeps throwing things around,

and saying stuff about his "Dark Prince" father coming.

He says he wants to talk to you.

The Dark Prince? both: Yeah.

So it was written. And so the cycle of years

brings the son of the evil one.

Oh brother, now he's talking like the new kid.

Thou must taketh me to the seedling of Satan

so mine eyes can confirm the wretched truth.

'Kay.

Five minutes

until recess is over, you little bastards.

Now, as you can see

the Red Mega Man uses the Mega Cycle,

which is what Clyde will be getting me for my birthday.

Wendy, you were supposed to get me

the Mega Power Chopper, illustrated here.

But I'm changing your present to the Yellow Mega Man,

since Kenny has been turned into a duck-billed platypus.

That means that the Mega Man Beach House illustrated here,