The Office

Well, I should go.

- All right. I'll tell everybody here that you say hi.

- No, don't, I'm mad at them.

Why, what happened?

Not one of them called

to congratulate me on our engagement.

- Ah. That, they might be off the hook for,

because I didn't tell them.

What? Why not?

I just didn't, you know, want to deal.

- Come on. It won't be that bad.

Okay. You know what?

Here we go.

Everybody, I just wanted to make an announcement.

Pam and I are engaged.

Hi everyone!

- I thought you were already engaged.

Nope.

- That was Roy. She was engaged to Roy.

Thank you, Angela.

- Just try and get it done inside three years.

Thank you, Stanley.

I got a gift for Pam and Roy.

Do I have to get another one?

Yes.

- A little close to my engagement there, Tuna.

What's your game here?

To get married.

She's not a virgin, you know?

Wow.

- What's everybody talking about?

The tall guy got engaged.

What?

Yeah.

What?

What's going on?

- No, nothing. Nothing Michael.

Just saying hi.

Jim and Pam are engaged!

To be married?

Yep.

Sorry.

- Pencils down. Just kidding, take your time.

But you should probably be

finishing up those questionnaires.

Stop it.

What'd you get for number 70?

It's an ethics questionnaire.

I know, but I didn't study.

- Holly, Jim is - Dwight's cheating.

Oh, okay.

Today is ethics day.

After they finish their quiz,

I'm gonna run my first ethics meeting here.

It's gonna be insane.

No, it's not. I have to read from the binder.

- Michael has been working on his introduction for days.

In dress rehearsal yesterday, it was

* Hooray for Holly Flax *

uh but it got changed at the last minute,

which is the excitement of live theater.

What's going on?

Class is canceled.

Tiki bar or Manhattan douchebag lounge.

- Douchebag. - Tiki ba

We never do Tiki bar.

- Yeah. I think Tiki's calling.

Yeah.

Where do you have to be?

You have class right now.

I'm an adult.

- Oh. - Yeah.

You are way older than us. I wasn't gonna say, but

- You could be my mom. Do you know her?

Are you guys best friends from being the same age?

Okay, fine. I'm in.

- But are you best friends with them?

We shop occasionally.

I got it. I got it.

* I took you to an intimate restaurant, *

* Then to a suggestive movie *

* There's nothin' left to talk about *

* Unless it's horizontally *

* Let's get ethical *

* Ethical *

* I wanna get ethical *

* Let's get into ethics. Yeah. *

* Let me hear the Dund Mifflin talk. *

* Your body talk. *

* Let me hear your body talk. *

Woo. All right.

Wow. This is huge for Holly because having an entertaining

meeting is the way of becoming well liked.

I recommended a song parody, classic.

Funny. People love them.

Um, why are you helping her?

You're not even dating.

She's my friend.

And ultimately my strategy is to sort

of merge this into a relationship

without her even knowing.

No.

Okay, let's give it up for Miss Holly Flax.

Thanks Michael.

Today we're gonna have a business ethics seminar

because recently, without mentioning any names,

there's been some misconduct at corporate,

and we have a very strict ethics policy

and that employee has been fired.

Oh, come on. He's right there.

He was hired.

Ooh, check it out.

Hired guy.

Okay, elephant in the room.

Let's talk about it.

Do I regret what I did?

Of course I do. Even though it was an amazing ride.

And I'll give you an example.

Anyone see Survivor Season six?

Anyone know Joanna on that show?

In New York city, I hooked up with a girl,

who looked exactly like that.

Indistinguishable, so.

Okay, well done.

Good speech, Ryan.

You're a good guy.

- Let's start discussing those questionnaires

that you filled in this morning.

It is wrong to make personal calls during work hours.

Now, some of you marked that you very strongly agree,

but ideally you would've selected, totally agree.

- Dammit, I had that, but I changed it.

- That's okay. There are no right or wrong answers.

- You just said he gave the wrong answer.

- True. But don't think of it like that.

- I thought very strongly agree sounded

stronger than totally agree.

- Corporate would like to emphasize that, ideally,

you would all totally agree with that statement.

- Well, I think we can all totally agree

that Holly is totally fantastic.

Thank you. Okay.

Okay.

In fact, spending a half hour at the water cooler,

during work hours, is a form of stealing.

What?

Yes, it's called time theft

and it's the same as taking money from the company.

- Does corporate have to do this seminar?

Because last time Wallace was here,

he talked to Jim for like 45 minutes about the Mets.

Thank you.

- Can anyone think of examples of things that are over

the line, time wasters.

This meeting?

- Hay ooh. - Can't set 'em up like that.

- Why is it okay for smokers to take breaks all the time?

If I wanna go outside and hang out once an hour,

then I'll just take up smoking.

I'll do it. I don't care.

I'll smoke with you.

I got a bag of cigars in my purse.

- Stealing office supplies is another big ethical area that

there seems to be some confusion about.

That's a big ethical area?

Listen, I would love to have an honest conversation

with management about ethics.

Why isn't the company doing better?

Mm. It could be the pad of post-its I took home last week.

Or it could be the $12 million in deferred compensation

and stock options they paid the CEO for a year

of substandard performance.

I'm sure we'll cover both in the seminar.

Okay. Can we have a moment?

Can I talk to you for a second?

A lot of good stuff. Yeah.

- You look, you look, - Michael.

Fantastic. Yeah?

- What should we be working on while you guys are talking?

Do some, do some work.

People expect a lot from these meetings.

Laughter, sudden twists, surprise endings.

You need to be Robin Williams and M. Night Shyamalan.

You need to be Robin Shyamalan.

- Well, I just have to get through the binder

- You're just, you're kind of losing them.

I am?

- Yeah. Don't think about the stakes. It'll freak you out.

Okay.

Well, Michael makes a really good point.

So let's just open this up a little bit.

Say my name is Lauren and here I am shopping

in a supermarket and I steal a pencil.

That's not right.

Lauren

Enough with the pencils.

- No, I have to go over pencils and office supplies.

It's part of the ethics thing.

That isn't ethics.

Ethics is a real discussion of competing conceptions