The Righteous Gemstones

What part of "leave him the hell alone"

did you not understand?

Somebody had to do something.

I'm sorry, Daddy. I was weak.

I let Jesse and Judy peer-pressure me.

Peer-pressure you?

We did it all together as the new generation.

What?

-Uh, as the new generation of Christian thought leaders,

our time.

Jesus.

Fuck.

Have you told anyone else about this?

Does anybody else know you were here?

No, Daddy, just you.

Don't tell anybody else.

Do you understand?

This stays with us.

Ah, ah.

You and the men are doing excellent work.

Be it his will, the harvest will be bountiful.

Praise be to he.

We've been working really hard.

Everybody's in really high spirits.

Way to keep the faith, my friend.

Make sure the men finish their chores.

And, uh, I'll meet you in the steam showers,

but bring Titus and Odd Chris.

I could smell them during worship.

The fuck is this? A refugee camp?

I'm expanding my repertoire.

I told y'all I'm not gonna be a youth minister

my whole dang life.

So what, you're collecting muscle mens?

No. All members of the Kelvin Gemstone God Squad

are here voluntarily.

We lift, we pray, and we are mindful of our diets--

Clean living, being ripped,

and getting high on Christ.

Okay, well, whatever this bullshit is,

I don't got time for it, okay?

Our daddy killed that reporter.

Mm-mm. You got a sick mind, Jesse.

Thank you, Kelvin.

That's exactly what I been sayin' to him.

You guys were there. You saw him--

Coming in all late, acting all suspicious,

blood on his damn trousers.

It's obvious.

If our daddy had anything to do with it,

why would he take us back to the scene of the crime?

Yeah, Jesse, that don't make no fucking sense.

-Okay. If Daddy's as squeaky clean as you two think he is,

then why was that reporter here in the first place?

He hates Christians?

And I guess it's just a big coincidence

that Daddy's shady-ass friend from Memphis

just breezes into town right before this happens?

Y'all heard dude at church lunch,

talking about "handling it," "taking care of business."

They fucking whacked him.

-Oh. -Okay.

Oh, you goin' too far now, Jesse.

Call our daddy a killer one more time,

and see if I don't beat that ass.

Oh, you wish.

Man, you ain't as tough as you think you are.

-You know what? -Oh, come on.

You know what? I'ma join Kelvin's anger,

and I'ma join him at beating yo' ass.

Come on, you want some of this, boy?

Yeah, you want some of it?

Stop talking shit on Daddy, boy.

Don't talk shit on Daddy, boy.

All right, whatever.

Y'all are lying to yourselves.

You don't know Daddy as well as you think you do.

That man is cold as ice.

Recognize.

Judy, you need a ride?

Yeah, I'll take one.

Get one.

Who cares, Jesse?

I'ma ride up on one of these boys home.

I'll just drive you home.

The news media and the world mourns the passing

of Peabody Award winning journalist Thaniel Block

in what some are calling a suspicious fire.

Do I think it was an accident?

No.

He was investigating

some very powerful people, and he died.

Dr. Gemstone, there's a gentleman

here at the gate wishing to see you,

a Glendon Marsh, Jr.

Says he was your guest here the other night,

but I don't see him registered on the guest list.

Would you like me to let him in?

Yes, sir.

Sorry, sir. Dr. Gemstone is a busy man.

I couldn't get ahold of him.

I just heard you talkin' to him.

Yea--

That was his housekeeper.

Have a blessed day.

Well...

how 'bout that?

Now, you gon' treat a old man like a asshole.

You're lucky I don't get outta this car

and knock those fuckin' teeth outta your mouth.

Like I said, sir,

have a blessed day.

See the mighty power of our Lord and savior

flowing through the Kelvin Gemstone God Squad!

Florida Cody, everybody!

Liam!

Titus!

Now let's give it up for the best,

strongest behemoth on my squad,

Torsten!

He is a devout Christian,

captain of the football team,

and he even dated the prom queen.

But that female put Torsten in quite the predicament.

Gave him an ultimatum:

His celibacy or his soul.

Well, I think you know his answer.

If that's not virgin power,

I don't know what is.

If these Christian men can achieve

such amazing feats of strength individually,

just imagine what we can all accomplish together.

Ah--dude, please don't stand on my neck.

It's too much weight.

Nowhere else to step. I mis--

I miscalculated, okay?

Just deal with it. The kids are loving it.

Ah! There's my tendon. Get down the leg.

Get down the leg, come on. -Be cool, Titus.

I can't, I can't, I can't!

-Ow! -Oh, no.

Are you okay?

-Did it look cool? -So cool.

Ow, my hips.

My hipbone. -Oh, no.

Ah! Ah! -Okay.

Oh... we need a medic.

-Medic! -Medic!

Someone get a fucking medic!

-Thank you, Lord, for bringing us all here together

to enjoy this delicious food from Fancy Nancy's.

May it give us sustenance and strength.

In your name, amen.

All: Amen. -Mm.

The Lissons just sent over some materials for the hotel.

I think they're getting a little antsy.

Any ideas on new investors?

Really, Amber?

I mean, do you think we are in any state

to attract investors right now?

I mean, in case you missed it, a reporter died in a fire,

and people are trying to blame the Gemstones.

Nobody's trying to blame the Gemstones.

-Twitter is. -See?

This is exactly the problem with lame-stream media.

Believe half of what you see and just a little bit

of what you hear, and monkey see, monkey do,

monkey pee all over you.

I don't know.

After he came out with the story about the Butterfields?

Bet Grandaddy killed him.

Pontius.

Why would you say that? -It's what I would do.

No, that is disrespectful talk,

and I will not have that at this table.

Yeah, Pontch, you know Granddad ain't like that.

-Thank you. -If he was gonna do it,

he'd just hire someone.

He's too smart. -Exactly.

Wait, what?

I bet he'd pay cartel guys

or, like, an assassin to burn him alive.

Granddaddy burned someone?

No, baby. Abraham, no, no, no.

Jesse, are you gonna say something or...

Mm. Yeah.

Knock it off.

You're gonna scare your brother.

Your granddad didn't burn anybody alive.

If he did it,

he put a bullet in that reporter's head,

then he burned up the cabin to cover up his tracks.

A bullet in the head, huh?

Nah, I like burning alive better.

-A lot of people like the bullet in the head better,