This Is the End

Hey, Seth Rogen. What up, man?

Oh, hey, John! Over here!

Welcome to Los Angeles International Airport.

Attention, all passengers.

Do not leave your baggage unattended.

All unattended baggage is subject to search...

Yay!

We're so happy!

Look at this!

What's happening, man?

Good to see you, buddy.

How you doing? I'm good, man.

Yes, you are.

How long has it been, man?

Sometime in the last...

Inside of a year or something. Yeah.

I have the best weekend ever planned, man.

Lay it on me. Ooh! I don't want to ruin it.

Seth Rogen! Shit, here we go. Hey.

How's it going, man? Yeah, good.

So, you, like, always play, like, the same guy in every movie.

When are you gonna do some, like, real acting, man?

Okay, thank you.

Give me something. Give me, like, the laugh, man.

Give me the Seth Rogen laugh.

Seth Rogen, everybody.

All right, I've landed. I'm here. We've said our hellos.

Can we please go to fucking Carl's Jr.?

Oh.

I would... I would love to. I'm on a...

I can't really eat that stuff right now.

I'm on a, uh... What?

I'm on this cleanse.

You're... You're on a what?

I'm on a cleanse.

What? It's good for you.

I didn't know... You're supposed to take six shits a day.

That's not true. It is true!

You're supposed to shit twice a day. No.

That's not true. That's what they used to think.

Now they know you're supposed to shit six times a day.

So you're not drinking. You're not smoking weed. You're not...

No, no, I'm drinking and smoking weed. But...

I'm on a cleanse. I'm not psychotic.

Look, man, if you stopped eating gluten,

you'd feel way fucking better all day.

Whenever you feel shitty, that's 'cause of gluten.

That's not true. It is.

Who the fuck told you not to eat gluten? It's just true.

You don't even know what gluten is.

I know what fucking gluten is.

No, you have no idea what gluten is.

I do know what gluten is.

Gluten's a vague term.

It's something that's used to categorize things that are bad, you know?

Calories, that's a gluten. Fat, that's a gluten.

Somebody just told you you probably shouldn't eat gluten,

you're like, "Oh, I guess I shouldn't eat gluten."

Gluten means bad shit, man, and I'm not eating it.

Mmm!

Mmm-hmm. Oh!

God!

Each bite is better than the previous bite.

It is. Gluten!

Hey, this looks beautiful.

Yeah. Do you like it? I totally redid it.

It's fucking awesome.

It's all new. Those are new.

God damn, son! It's pretty nice, huh?

So this is how the other half lives.

Come on. Amazing.

Air hockey tables. Jesus Murphy!

Right? Okay, get ready, Jay.

What?

I have a little surprise for you.

Okay.

Here's the best weekend you ever had in your life. Oh!

Look at it, man.

Oh, my... Are you serious?

It's all of your favorite things.

Starburst and Airheads on a... Yeah.

And it says "Jay."

In joints. In joints.

It says "Jay" in jays.

Seth Rogen, you are just the best people.

Come on, I know you don't love it in LA, so I figure I'll make it...

You know, I'll lube up your entry a little bit.

It eases the transition. Yeah, right?

This is the much-needed foreplay.

You know what else I got?

Yo, this...

A 3-D television. No, you didn't...

I got a 3-D TV. Are you serious?

Oh, my God. I did it, man.

What?

Let's get into it.

Oh, my God, bud.

It's Gandalf the Grey's pipe.

Damn, no shit.

Hello, little hobbit.

Spark my ganja. Yeah.

I'm a well-known homosexual advocate.

Oh, my eyes feel like they're melting.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

I need a break.

Oh. You know what, actually?

We should go to Franco's house soon.

He's having a housewarming party.

He just finished building his house.

I haven't even seen it yet,

but it's supposed to be bonkers.

I haven't been in LA in, like, a year,

and I came here to chill with you.

We can chill together, and we'll chill with those other guys.

We'll all chill as one big unit.

Will I even know anybody there?

You know James Franco.

James Franco doesn't even know my name.

Jonah Hill will be there.

Can't stand him. He can't stand me.

He's, like, the nicest guy in the world! He likes you so much.

He specifically talks about how he likes you.

Out of nowhere, he just said, "You know what?"

"Jay's an inspiration."

There's no way he said that. Also, just can't stand him.

Okay, fine. Craig Robinson.

Never met him.

He's hilarious.

Sweats a lot, but he's a great guy.

So it's gonna be fun, man.

For you, I will go.

I promise, I'll stay with you all night, okay?

I won't ditch you. No, 'cause I want to be with you all night.

And you know why else?

'Cause nobody puts Jay in the corner.

Awesome.

Wow!

Thank you. Thank you. There you go. Cool.

Thanks a lot, eh? Thanks a lot.

Okay, man.

Holy shit.

Wow!

This is crazy!

Yeah? Yeah, man, right?

Look at it. A bit much.

I don't think it is a bit much.

I think it's right on the money.

What is he, Pablo Escobar?

Come on, man, this is an awesome street.

Channing Tatum lives up there.

Oh, for the love of... Will you stop talking about...

This is the sexiest street in America.

You and Channing Tatum.

I think he's attractive.

I think it's a cool house. I know you do.

I can't wait to see inside it.

That's why I'm excited.

Ha-ha! Yes! What's up, man? Seth!

So happy you're here. I'm so happy to be here.

Hey, Johnny, what's up?

It's Jay. It's Jay.

I'll never forget it again, man. Good to see you.

Nice to see you. Come on in. Yeah! Yeah, great.

Check it out. My new place!

Awesome, man!

Designed it myself.

Really cool. This place is beautiful, man.

This place is like a piece of me.

You two just stepped inside me.

You let us both cum inside you. Yeah.

Icing on the cake. Check it out.

Painted them myself.

Huh.

Side by side. A team.

Holy shit.

So, is it weird?

No. You sure?

I really like it.

What do you think, Jay?

I'm not a big art guy.

You don't like art?

Well, come on...

You play video games? Yes.

Well, guess what, buddy? You like art.

Yep.

You ever been to Subway?

Yes.

You order a sandwich?

Somebody put that together for you, dude. That's art.

Sandwich artist.

So, let me lay this on you, Jay.

Oh, fuck.

Your mama's pussy was the canvas.

Your dad's dick was the paintbrush.

Boom. You're the art. Huh?

Thanks, James Franco. You got it.

Seth! Mindy, hello.

Oh, my God, great to see you. Oh, you, too.

Long time. How's it going?

You know Jay? I don't think I've ever actually met you.