40 Carats

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY, LAUGHING]

The car.

The car is.

The car is sick.

You're not a Greek.

Neither are you. Do you speak Greek?

About as well as you.

I'm an American. Born in Pittsburgh. And you?

I'm an American citizen.

How long have you lived there?

Longer than you, I'm sure.

Look, can you fix my car?

Where are you from originally? I detect a charming accent.

Is it Italian? Please, my car.

It's not Italian and it's not Spanish.

I can't bear silly, helpless women,

and I assure you I'm not one

except when it comes to cars. Now, please.

It's not Austrian, but it could be Dutch.

I was born in Norway. Scandinavian! Of course.

And I spent the first 16 years of my life in Norway

and now I'm going to spend

the next 16 years of my life here

unless you fix my car.

Let's take a look at it.

If you could fix it just enough

to take me to Argos.

Uh, is this your car? No.

It belongs to the inn where I'm staying in Argos.

Well, they'll have it towed back.

Can't you fix it?

The carburetor's dead, the water's all...

Isn't there a garage or something?

The nearest one's in Argos.

Come on, I'll take you on my bike.

Heh, thank you,

but that's out of the question. I'll walk.

How far is Argos? Fifty miles.

Fifty miles?

I've offered you a ride on my bike.

I have told you I couldn't

possibly ride on that thing.

I will not ride on that thing because I'm 36 years old.

Now doesn't something come by here?

Uh, a mule train? An ox wagon? A bus?

Yes, there's a bus.

What time does it come? 5:00.

Oh, good. But it'll be going that way.

Here. I've got something that'll help you.

Try this.

What is it?

It's a Greek drink called ouzo.

Does it have alcohol? Yes.

Good.

Ah, it's nice.

How old are you? Uh, 22.

Heh, you don't look 22.

You don't look 36.

I don't look 36 because I'm 38.

I took two years off for good behavior.

So just don't expect me to go roaring off

cross-country on that thing.

That "thing" happens to be a Honda 504.

That's fine. Just keep it away from me.

You feel better? Yes.

I can't think why I should.

I'm stuck out here in this blazing heat

on this road with no traffic

and a broken-down car and I've left my mother in Argos.

And I'm here on this road going nowhere.

You're here with your mother?

Yes.

And she has a fantastically upset stomach.

She's British.

I thought you were Norwegian? I am.

My father was. My mother is English.

I'm a mongrel, and that's just what I feel like.

What did you call this drink? Ouzo.

Ouzo. It certainly is.

Where am I going to sleep tonight?

I've camped right down here on the beach.

I'll lend you my sleeping bag.

Thank you.

I'll stay just in my car.

I'll be quite comfortable.

You'll be quite miserable.

You know what the trouble with you is?

You don't know how to enjoy yourself.

You don't know how to live.

Why'd you come to Greece?

I'll bet you go through life

making the worst of every situation.

Now I know what you do. You lecture.

Yes, and I'm a tour guide too. Right this way.

Come on.

Now just look.

Just take a look around you.

Oh, it's beautiful.

It's the most beautiful place I've ever seen.

What's that smell? It's so sweet.

Myrtle. The whole place is covered with it.

They say that myrtle is the flower sacred to Aphrodite.

It is? Yes, and the bay down there,

that's where Paris first made love to Helen

after he carried her off.

Of Troy, Helen? Uh-huh.

You're in the heart of some of the greatest romance

the world has ever known.

And you're going to lock yourself in your car?

Come with me.

Oh, no, no, I just couldn't.

Are you afraid of me? Hardly.

Then you're afraid of yourself.

Look, you have been very kind to me

and I know you think I'm ungrateful.

No, I think you're nuts.

You are entitled to your opinion.

Now will you please take your Honda 500

and your opinion and go away and leave me alone.

Okay.

You are a silly, helpless woman.

And cars aren't the only thing you know nothing about.

Well, I thought it might be a little cooler down here.

I'm only going to stay a minute.

Great. I'll tell you when your minute's up.

How about a swim?

Can't we be seen here?

Only by the gods and goddesses.

What are you doing? I'm helping you undress.

Oh, thank you, I can do that myself.

What's your name? My name?

Yes, your name, I know mine.

Penelope. Penelope Potter.

Miss Penelope Potter or Mrs.? I'm divorced.

I'm Peter Latham.

What do you want? I wanna shake hands.

Isn't that what people do when they meet?

Oh.

How do you do?

Come on, let's go.

What's the matter?

I was just wondering how

Helen of Troy managed about her mother.

Don't turn your head, young man.

Peek? I won't dream of it.

Beautiful. No, don't look.

Psari. What's that?

That's Greek for fish. Oh.

You hungry? What's Greek for "starved"?

Do you like Greek coffee? It's bitter, but yes,

I like it.

The innkeeper's wife in Argos

knows how to read your fortune

in the bottom of the cup.

Did she read yours? Yes.

What'd she find?

The usual.

You're going to meet a...

Ah, yes, there I am.

Heh, I don't believe in those things.

What do you believe in? In eight hours sleep.

When I can get it.

Uh, wait a minute.

I've got something for you. What is it?

A ring. I found it in the sea.

I have reason to believe

it was given by Pyramus to Thisbe.

Who were they?