The Ren & Stimpy Show

It is height of 20th century, 1954.

Space race has officially been launched

and race to conquer space begins, in Russia.

And there's no shortage of brave young men

volunteering to make soviets first in space.

Welcome, suckers--

eh, I mean, comrades.

These men must make great sacrifices,

leaving their beloved potatoes behind

for the good of their country.

They must endure battery of electronic tests

to prepare them for rigors of space,

via electronic stimulation.

Our training facilities employ

most advanced Russian technology.

Good luck, comrades.

This rocket sled produces 20 billion pounds of thrust

to prepare for blastoff...

And landing.

Your rubles are hard at work with

the state-of-art g-Force simulator.

This colossal, forged-Steel fan

turns at unbelievable velocity.

Equipment is monitored closely by crack technicians,

as not to exceed not to exceed threshold of human tolerance.

This vehicle simulates difficult task

of eating in space.

In this test, we simulate life in space capsule

in high-pressure isolation chamber.

Let's see how they fare

after 167 days without food or water.

And again, our boys pass test with flying colors,

proving once again

that people of great republic have got what it takes

to be first in space !

Rocket 11 ready for launch.

Cosmonauts report to launch pad.

12, report to launch pad.

Hey, there's some kind of mistake.

He's number 12, I'm 13.

No, take the fat guy !

Ah-ha-ha-ha !

No, no, no !

Well, I guess our number's up.

Hey, renovich, want a bite of my prune danish

and a drink of my steamy hot coff--

I, I gotta go potski.

So, go right ahead and have at it.

These suits are specifically designed for that.

Gosh !

Hey, wait a minute.

Hey, hey, hey, abort mission !

Launch.

Oh, my head !

I love you !

Hey !

Alertski ! Alertski !

We need more power !

More potatoes, faster !

It's working, stimpsky.

Rensky, we're out of potatoes !

Then break up the furniture !

Not the Matisse !

There's no more fuel.

We made it.

Mission complete.

The soviet socialist republic first in space !

Nyet, nyet !

U.S.A.

Say, I bet they have plenty of fuel.

I gotta plan.

One more time.

You take the hose, stick it in their fuel tank

and I'll suck out the gas.

Got it ?

Duh, Da.

Fine work, comrade stimpsky.

Their ship must run on manure.

Russian dog.

Capitalist pig !

Back off, man.

Stinkin' Bolsheviks, you'll never take me alive.

Remember the Alamo.

Go.

We're running low on pig and there's nothing left to burn.

We'll never win the space race.

Hmm.

It ain't over yet.

We still have these.

Aah !

No, Ren, that's too much power !

If you wanna win, drop 'em.

Grab hold of your butt, comrade.

We win, we win !

Panic. Aah !

Inertial guidance system on ?

Check.

Full-boost vertical ?

Da.

Fuzzy dice ?

Roger Mildred.

Landing thrusters... check.

Welcome home, boys !

You're heroes !

Uh, john Wayne, uh, bang, bang.

Coca-cola,

good time, bang, bang, baseball Joe.

Aah !

Hmm.

We're number one ! We're number one !

Better fed than red.

We're number two ! We're number two !

Con man !

Swindler !

Thief !

Give me back my money !

Been a pleasure doing business with ya.

Heh, heh.

Whoa !

Shoo... you.

Huh, what do we got here ?

Feud zone, eh ?

Hmm, that's an interesting specimen.

Ah, homo stupidicus.

Hmm, another fine specimen, moronicus inbredicus.

Those poor lads,

engaged in a cheap and tawdry feud

with no one to guide them.

I must go forth and forcibly render aid

to these underprivileged scum