Curb Your Enthusiasm

FINALLY.

THANK YOU.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

- NO GOOD? - LARRY!

IT TASTES LIKE YOU PUT THE WHOLE SALT SHAKER UP IN HERE.

NO, THAT'S WAY TOO SALTY. WAY TOO SALTY.

ALL RIGHT, IT'S TOO SALTY. I'M SORRY.

PFFT, COULD YOU MAKE IT ANY HOTTER IN HERE, BY THE WAY?

- IT FEELS GOOD. - IT FEELS GOOD?

YEAH, IT FEELS GOOD. 75° IS PERFECT.

I CAN'T EVEN SLEEP IN THIS ROOM AT NIGHT, IT'S SO HOT.

- HONEST TO GOD. - WHAT TEMPERATURE WOULD YOU PREFER?

- 68°. - 68°?!

SEE, THAT'S SOME WHITE-PEOPLE SHIT RIGHT THERE, L.D.

BLACK PEOPLE LIKE IT A LITTLE BIT WARMER AT NIGHT, OKAY?

- AT LEAST COMPROMISE. - NO NO NO, 75° WORKS FOR ME, L.D.

I'll CALL LEON. LET'S SEE WHAT HE SAYS. LEON!

- LEON, COME IN HERE! - HE GONNA LET YOU KNOW THAT THAT'S HOW WE LIKE IT.

OKAY, YOU KNOW, I CAN'T SLEEP. IT'S TOO HOT AT NIGHT.

I WANT TO SLEEP IN 68° TEMPERATURE.

SHE WANTS TO SLEEP IN 75°. LET'S COMPROMISE AT 72°.

OH NO, FUCK THAT, LARRY. YOU MY MOTHERFUCKING MAN, LARRY, BUT 72°? SHIT.

YOU MIGHT AS WELL SLEEP OUTSIDE. I'M AN 82° MAN MYSELF.

- SEE THERE, I TOLD YOU! - 82°, THAT'S MY SHIT. THAT'S MY FUCKING REGION.

- YOU REALLY WANTED IT 68°. - 6-FUCKING-8? HE SAID 68°?

- GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE. - IT'S LIKE A FRIGERATOR.

- OH MY GOODNESS. - YOU TAKE THAT SHIT?

- YOU BRING A HONEY TO THE HOTEL AND SHIT... - RIGHT!

GET UP IN THAT MOTHERFUCKER. IT'S ALL COLD AND SHIT... GOT TO HEAT HER ASS UP.

ALL RIGHT NOW, YOU MAKE SURE YOU DO YOUR HOMEWORK BEFORE YOU WATCH THAT TV.

- HEY, HI! - HEY, LARRY.

- WHAT'S UP? - HEY, I GOT SOME SHOWS TIVO'D. DON'T ERASE THEM.

THEY ERASE ALL MY TIVO'D SHOWS.

YOU KNOW WHAT, LARRY? THERE'S BEEN ANOTHER ROBBERY IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD.

I WAS JUST TALKING TO THE NEIGHBORS. IT'S THE THIRD ONE THIS MONTH.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING TO THE NEIGHBORS FOR?

THEY CAME OVER AND LET ME KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON.

YOU DON'T NEED TO TALK TO THE NEIGHBORS, OKAY?

YEAH, BUT, LARRY, THERE'S BEEN A ROBBERY.

I'D RATHER HAVE THE THIEVES THAN THE NEIGHBORS... THIEVES DON'T IMPOSE.

- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? - THE NEIGHBORS WANT YOUR TIME.

THE THIEVES WANT YOUR THINGS. I'D RATHER GIVE THEM THINGS THAN TIME.

LISTEN, HAVE YOU HEARD ANYTHING FROM THE DOCTOR ABOUT LORETTA'S BIOPSY?

NO NO, THEY SAID A COUPLE OF DAYS.

OH. YOU KNOW, AT FIRST I WAS REALLY WORRIED, LARRY.

BUT NO MATTER WHAT THE OUTCOME IS, LORETTA HAS YOU BY HER SIDE.

YOU KNOW, THINGS COULD GET BAD, LARRY, BUT SHE'S GOT YOU TO HOLD HER HAND.

AND IF SHE HAS TO DO CHEMO AND IT CAUSES HER TO LOSE HER HAIR,

THROW UP AND ALL THAT, YOU GONNA BE RIGHT THERE BY HER SIDE.

THANK YOU, LARRY.

Larry: 75°? I'M BAKING IN THAT ROOM AT NIGHT.

IT'S LIKE I'M CINDERELLA IN THERE, I SWEAR TO YOU.

- CINDERELLA? WHAT DO YOU MEAN? - CINDERELLA, YOU NEVER SAW THE FAIRY TALE CINDERELLA?

NO NO, I KNOW CINDERELLA. BUT WHAT ASPECT OF CINDERELLA? WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

- WHAT ASPECT DO YOU THINK I MEAN? - I DON'T KNOW.

- THE SHOE? - SHE GETS BOSSED AROUND BY THE STEPMOTHER!

OH, THE EVIL STEPMOTHER. SO YOU'RE COMPARING HER TO AN EVIL STEPMOTHER?

- I'M COMPARING ME... - DON'T GET MAD AT ME!

- WELL, YOU'RE SO STUPID! - DON'T GET MAD AT ME.

SO THAT'S WHAT IT'S LIKE, HUH? THAT'S TERRIBLE.

THAT'S WHAT IT'S LIKE. EXACTLY.

- THAT'S WHAT IT'S LIKE. - OH, THAT'S HORRIBLE.

- YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU KNOW WHAT THE WORST PART IS? - WHAT?

WE'RE WAITING FOR THE RESULTS OF THIS BIOPSY NOW.

I GOT ABOUT 24 HOURS TO GET OUT OF THIS THING BEFORE THE RESULTS COME BACK.

YEAH, YOU CAN'T BREAK UP WITH SOMEBODY WHO'S GOT CANCER.

YOU GOTTA BREAK UP WITH HER BEFORE SHE GETS THOSE TEST RESULTS.

GOD, IT'S GONNA BE SO HARD.

- WHY? WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL? - WHAT DO YOU MEAN "WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?"

THE WHOLE FAMILY'S GOTTA MOVE OUT... IT'S A BIG DEAL!

I'D MUCH RATHER BE IN HER POSITION THAN MINE ANY DAY OF THE WEEK.

NO, TO BE THE BREAKER-UPPER YOU'RE IN CONTROL.

COUPLES SHOULD HAVE LIKE A PRE-BREAKUP AGREEMENT

BEFORE THEY START GOING OUT BECAUSE EVERY RELATIONSHIP IS GOING TO END AT SOME POINT.

ALL YOU DO IS SEND A TEXT. YOU MAKE AN AGREEMENT...

"IF YOU SEE THE WORD 'APRICOT, ' IT MEANS IT'S OVER."

OKAY, HYPOTHETICALLY, WHAT IF YOU OR SHE ARE EATING APRICOTS AT THAT POINT?

- CAN I TELL YOU SOMETHING ABOUT APRICOTS? - WHAT WHAT?

YOU KNOW, ONE IN 30 IS A GOOD ONE.

- OKAY. - IT'S SUCH A LOW-PERCENTAGE FRUIT.

- OKAY. - ALWAYS A MEALY DRY...

- HEY, HOW'S IT GOING? - HEY.

- HI, LAR. - OH, HEY.

- HEY. - WANT TO COME TO A DINNER PARTY TONIGHT?

- TONIGHT? - YEAH.

- OH. - YOU KNOW YOU LOVE MY COOKING.

IT'S A LITTLE LATE FOR AN INVITATION, IS IT NOT?

WELL... IT'S AN INVITATION NONETHELESS.

- WHO ELSE IS GONNA BE THERE? - UH, EH, YOU DON'T NEED TO KNOW.

- WHY NOT? - BECAUSE IT'S NOT DONE, THAT'S WHY NOT.

- WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S NOT DONE? - IT'S A SOCIAL CONVENTION

THAT PEOPLE DON'T ASK WHO'S GOING TO BE THERE AT THE DINNER PARTY.

- IT'S JUST NOT DONE. - BIG DEAL. WHY ISN'T IT DONE?

BECAUSE IT ISN'T! I DON'T KNOW THE DERIVATION OF THE CONVENTION.

WHY ARE YOU FOLLOWING IT BLINDLY LIKE THIS?

YOU SHOULD BE GLAD THAT IT HAPPENS THAT WAY,

BECAUSE IF I TOLD PEOPLE YOU WERE COMING, THEY MIGHT NOT SHOW UP.

THAT'S PROBABLY WHY PEOPLE DON'T TELL... BECAUSE IF IT GETS OUT WHO'S COMING

NOBODY WOULD WANT TO GO. SO WHY EVEN HAVE IT IN THE FIRST PLACE

IF PEOPLE DON'T WANT TO BE WITH EACH OTHER?

I DON'T THINK THAT'S WHY. IT'S JUST NOT DONE.

WHAT'S THE DOWNSIDE OF TELLING ME?

I DON'T KNOW THAT THERE IS A DOWNSIDE, EXCEPT THAT...

- YOU DON'T NEED TO KNOW. - WHO'S COMING?

- DON'T YOU DARE TELL HIM. - WHAT'S THAT?

- WHO'S COMING? - I DON'T KNOW.

WHY DO YOU EVEN GET STARTED WITH HER ON THIS STUFF?

- THAT'S MY QUESTION. - WHAT TIME?

- 7:30. - YOU'VE GOT SOMETHING TO DO.

- YOU'D BETTER GO DO IT. - NOT NOW, MAYBE TONIGHT.

- ALL RIGHT. - THANK YOU. SEE YOU LATER.

CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YA!

- YOU TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, ALL RIGHT? - THANK YOU, DOCTOR.

- YOU'RE WELCOME. - WE STILL DON'T KNOW ANYTHING.

OH. HI.

OH SHOOT! I FORGOT... I GOTTA FEED THOSE FISH AGAIN.

IT'S LIKE A HUGE RESPONSIBILITY... FEEDING FISH.

IT'S NOT FUN. THINK ABOUT IT, YOU KNOW?

I'M OUTSIDE, I GOTTA GO HOME AND FEED FISH?

I MEAN, SERIOUSLY, WHO GIVES A SHIT?

MR. DAVID, I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT YOUR GIRLFRIEND.

YOU KNOW, THEY'RE NOT PETS, REALLY.

BUT YET IT'S THE SAME RESPONSIBILITY AS A PET,

BUT YOU GET NOTHING BACK. YOU WATCH THEM,

IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE FASCINATING?

I DON'T KNOW. UM...

- CAN I TALK TO YOU ABOUT LORETTA? - WHAT DO YOU THINK?

- WELL... - DO YOU THINK SHE HAS...

THINK SHE HAS CANCER?

I... I CAN'T SPECULATE ABOUT THAT RIGHT NOW.

WE DID A BIOPSY AT THE HOSPITAL AND...

SAY YOU HAD TO MAKE A BET WITH VEGAS ON THIS,

WOULD YOU BET FOR CANCER OR AGAINST CANCER?

I... I... I DON'T GET INTO THAT NUMBERS GAME.

- YOU MUST HAVE AN IDEA. - I DON'T.

- NO IDEA? - NO IDEA.

WHAT IS THIS THING? I'VE HAD THIS AWHILE.

- WHAT IS THAT? - IT'S JUST A SKIN TAG.

JUST PUT A LITTLE LOTION ON THERE.

BUT... HOLD ON A SEC.

I'M GONNA WRITE YOU A FEW PRESCRIPTIONS TO FILL OUT.

I'M GONNA PRESCRIBE ZITHROMAX AND TYLENOL WITH CODEINE.

NOW THE TYLENOL, THAT'S JUST AS NEEDED FOR PAIN.

AGAIN, IN A FEW DAYS... ANY DAY,

WE'LL HAVE THE BIOPSY BACK AND THAT WILL

HELP US DETERMINE WHAT THE NEXT STEP IS.

BUT RIGHT NOW, I WANT YOU TO JUST STAY CALM,

AND... WHAT'S WRONG?

YOU JUST.

GO INTO THE REFRIGERATOR WITHOUT ASKING?

I JUST GOT MYSELF A LEMONADE. IS THAT A...

I WAS JUST SURPRISED YOU DIDN'T ASK.

- I'M SURPRISED YOU DIDN'T OFFER, TO BE HONEST. - WELL, I WAS ABOUT TO OFFER.

- I DON'T THINK YOU WERE ABOUT TO OFFER... - WELL, I WAS GONNA OFFER...

- IF YOU HADN'T OFFERED ME BY NOW. - IT IS A LITTLE UNUSUAL

TO GO INTO SOMEONE'S REFRIGERATOR WITHOUT ASKING, IS IT NOT?

I CAN TELL WHEN SOMEBODY'S GONNA OFFER ME LEMONADE. YOU WERE NOT GOING TO OFFER ME LEMONADE.

IF ANYTHING, YOU WERE GOING TO COMPLAIN TO ME ABOUT BEING A FISH OWNER OR SOMETHING.

- IT IS DIFFICULT TO BE A FISH OWNER. - WHY IS THAT A PRIORITY?!

- YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS SICK. - I DIDN'T SAY IT'S A PRIORITY.

I JUST SAID THAT THEY NEED TO BE FED AND IT'S SOMETHING THAT I NEED TO THINK ABOUT.

YOU DO NOT NEED TO THINK ABOUT THAT.

WHAT YOU NEED TO THINK ABOUT IS THE SICK WOMAN UPSTAIRS.

I'M THINKING ABOUT THAT. AND BY THE WAY, WHY COULDN'T YOU ASK?

- WHY COULDN'T... - ARE YOU SO DAINTY YOU CAN'T SAY

- "MAY I PLEASE HAVE A GLASS OF WATER?" - I AM NOT DAINTY!

"MAY I HAVE A PIECE OF PIE?" IT COULD BE TUNA FISH... IT DOESN'T MATTER.

- YOU KNOW. - NO, IT DOES MATTER.

HERE, YOU WANT? TAKE... TAKE THIS.

- YOU DON'T OFFER... A HOT DAY... A MOVER COMES HERE... - YOU WANT THIS?

- YOU SAY, "YOU WANT SOME TUNA FISH?" - YOU WANT THIS LITTLE PEAR?

DON'T CONDESCEND TO ME WITH YOUR TINY PEAR.

I'M NOT THE ONE THAT HAS A PROBLEM HERE. YOU ARE, MY FRIEND.

- YOU ARE. - YEAH.

- OKAY, FINE. - YEAH, FINE.

- HEY, DR. SCHAFFER. - HELLO.

DID YOU SEE THAT? DID YOU SEE THAT GUY?

- WHAT WAS THAT WHOLE THING? - HE GOES IN MY REFRIGERATOR.

- COME ON, YOU DON'T DO THAT. - WHAT DID HE TAKE?

- LEMONADE. - LIQUIDS ARE OKAY.

I DON'T BELIEVE THAT PEOPLE SHOULD GO INTO MY REFRIGERATOR.

- WHAT KIND OF A STUPID RULE THIS THAT? - WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

I DON'T GO INTO OTHER PEOPLE'S REFRIGERATORS.

YOU COULD GO INTO MY REFRIGERATOR.

- I DON'T GO INTO YOUR REFRIGERATOR. - YOU'RE A WELCOME GUEST.

HEY, HOW'S YOUR SISTER, BY THE WAY?

- BAM BAM? - YEAH.

- THANKS FOR ASKING. SHE'S DOING A LOT BETTER. - REALLY?

YEAH. I'M REALLY GLAD WE TOOK HER OUT OF THAT MENTAL INSTITUTION.

- THAT'S GOOD. - YEAH, I'M EXCITED.

YOU KNOW, IF THERE'S ANYTHING I CAN DO...

YOU LET ME KNOW.

YOU KNOW WHAT? THERE IS SOMETHING YOU CAN DO.

- WHAT? - YEAH, YOU CAN COME OVER

00 AND VISIT WITH HER.

- VISIT HER? WHAT, ARE YOU KIDDING? - YEAH.

- WHY, YOU DIDN'T MEAN IT? - OF COURSE NOT!

WHY DID YOU SAY IT THEN?

YOU KNOW, IT WAS SOME... AN EMPTY GESTURE.

- IT WAS SOMETHING TO SAY. - GUESS WHAT.