Lip Service

It's just so comforting.

Falling asleep in her arms and wake up to the sound of her breathing.

Mmm.

That quiet sound that reminds you that you're not alone

and life is still worth living.

Even with Nora?

Tess, you've got Nora all wrong.

She's great. She really likes you.

What's she like with people she hates?

It was her idea that I bring you breakfast today.

Why?

Because she feels really bad that

I'm taking her to this film awards thing tonight instead of you.

What?! I'm really sorry.

She got so excited when I told her I was going. I couldn't help asking.

What, even though you invited me months ago?

I'll make it up to you.

I'll take you out for lunch tomorrow. Yeah, well, don't worry.

I'll find my comfort elsewhere.

So, how have you been?

You know. Keeping busy.

Hey, I got these tickets for this wine tasting thing tonight.

One of the consultants couldn't go, so he gave them to me.

Right.

I mean, he's the most pompous old arse I've ever met,

but it's free wine and apparently the new Bordeauxs are "superlative."

I don't know. Maybe. I'll give you a call later.

Yeah. No, cool. I mean, no pressure.

Hey. How was your run?

Tremendous. But now I'm going to die.

How's Sam?

Oh, I don't know. She doesn't give much away.

I've been meaning to call her.

Ask her for a drink or something, but I just...

Got nothing at all in common with her?

Except maybe Cat. I mean, I guess not.

It's great you're spending time with her, though.

Hey, look.

It's been a really shitty time for both of you.

Hey, are you doing anything later?

Do you want to go to the pub, or...?

Er, no. I'd love to, but I can't.

I invited Sam to this sort of wine tasting thing.

Just to get her out of the house.

I'd ask you, but I've just got a couple of tickets.

Oh, no, no. It's fine. No problem. Got loads of lines to learn.

Sorry, Lex. I borrowed your laptop again.

More job applications? No, I've written an article.

Going to see if I can get it published.

Save me from my temping nightmare.

You should've got Ed to read it. Oh, it's all right.

I've already got an in at Minus 21 magazine.

How come?

I fucked the editor.

Have you nicked my stapler again?

It's a fair cop.

Sam, there's something I need to ask you.

They've released Cat's possessions from the scene.

I've got them. They ought to go to her parents, but I...

I thought you might like to have them.

I mean, if you prefer, I could take them round to her...

I'll have a think about it.

Thanks. OK.

I see you've finished your session with Inspector Morse.

I know, you're only supporting her as a friend.

That's right, you embittered old cynic.

Anyway, I've invited her to a wine tasting thingy tonight.

And that's not like a date or anything?

No, it's nothing like a date.

You don't think she's going to think it's like a date, do you?

Who's got a date? Nobody!

Especially not our Lexy. No, I've just invited Sam...

Who she fancies the arse off of. To a wine tasting.

But it's not like a date. I mean, nothing at all like a date!

Right.

Everything OK?

Ah, I was going to ask you to do something tonight

instead of tomorrow. Something came up. Oh, sorry.

No worries. I'll fix it.

Thought she was supposed to be no strings attached.

She is.

Right, so you're not going on a date

and she's not in any way at all jealous.

Hmm. Do you mind if we switch to my less finely nuanced love life?

Do you think it's possible that Sex-ray is straight

and my sonically calibrated gaydar is off beam?

Ah, let me just check my gaydar.

It says... even if he WAS gay he wouldn't fancy you.

Ha-ha!

Hey. Someone page me?

Yes, I did. There's a patient waiting for you in chairs.

Cool.

Er, there's no-one there. Did someone else take him?

No, he wouldn't see anyone else.

He only wanted you.

He was really insistent about it.

Cool, thanks.

Fine. Now what we need is someone standing for them all arriving

to give out a copy of the latest... issue.

Um, yeah. Yeah.

What moron thought it would be a good idea

to send a work experience to pick the investors up from the airport?

If it was Karen, you can tell her she's back in the post room.

You can send that girl over.

If you'd like to just go through.

What are you doing here?

I wanted to talk to you. You're fucking joking, Sadie? Here?

I told you it was a one-time thing. Are you some sort of stalker?

I wanted to give you this.

It's an article I've written for the magazine.

Remember you said I should give you my ideas?

Or have you forgotten that now you've fucked me?

And don't flatter yourself that I'd bother stalking you.

You weren't all that.

You coming out tonight? Oh, no. Not tonight.

Look, Sam, if you don't want to face the whole gang, we could go back

to yours for a curry. I'll even endure your Cagney and Lacey box set.

Now, that's an offer you won't get every day. Thanks, I appreciate it.

Actually, I'm going out tonight. Yeah?

Mm-hm. I'm going to a wine tasting event with my running partner.

Serious? Yeah.

So you're blowing out The Grampian for a wine tasting?

You're never going to live this one down, Murray.

I'll see you later. See you.

I can't believe Ed's just ditched me

so he can take stupid Carol to the film awards instead.

It's amazing the depths people will stoop to for regular sex.

Yeah, well, he's supposed to be my best friend.

He's pretty much the only friend I've got left here, apart from you.

What about your new flatmates? I thought you were bonding with them.

Well, they're too busy

having vital, life-enhancing sexual experiences.

Can't you tell them to conduct their sexcapades elsewhere?

Oh, they're all right.

Well, Sadie's a bit of a pain, but Lexy's lovely.

Like, she's really kind and understanding, you know.

Tess! Mmm?

Have you fallen for your roomie?

No! God, no.

OK, maybe a little bit.

But, you know, it's pretty hopeless.

I mean, she hardly looks at me.

Not like she's picturing me naked, anyway.

Sext her. What?

Show her what she's missing. What all the kids are doing.

Um, no, because then she'd think I was a psycho.

I did actually try asking her out this morning,

but she said she was busy, so...

Well, where did you ask her out to?

Pub. Well, that's not going to work.

You've got to invite her somewhere outside the flatmate zone.

So the mood can take you.

Well, I can't ask her out officially.

If she turns me down, we'll be stuck avoiding each other

for the next year over the Rice Krispies.

Listen, think stealth dating.

Pretend to take her somewhere fun and friendly, like salsa classes.

One minute you're doing the salsa, the next you're rumba-ing in her knickers.

What, really?!

Try it. See where it leads you.

Yeah, well, knowing me, it will probably lead to humiliation

and a really bad hangover.

You're late.

And put your fucking hat on.

I can't talk about this just now. I'm at work.

No, I've got to go.

You all right?

Yeah. Domestic bliss. Susie's being a bit of a nightmare.

If our thing is causing any extra strain, you know,

we can just cool it off for a while.

No, it's got nothing to do with that.

It's her work.

And maybe now that I'm a bit stressed,

you could help me let off some steam.

Oh, um... yeah. No, I can't.

I've got to see Sam.

Oh, yeah. I forgot about your big date.

Big non-date. Yeah, I should go.

I can't believe Hearts Of Stone is still on at my local.

Every day I have to pass that kilted twat.

"Thomas Delaware IS Hamish of Scone."

The heart that bears the stone will e'er be free!

Oh, come on! That was a good impression.

Do you think if I killed Nora,

they'd let me off for justifiable homicide?

I bet there's loads of people who would testify how incredibly...

Tess... Tess, Tess, Tess. I am so, so sorry about tonight.

Myself and Eddie have just been racked with guilt.

But I have bought you a bottle.

So, you can still have a lovely evening at home.

Oh, great!

Me and my bottle of really...

really posh champagne!

Hi, Lexy. So, are you coming?

Great! OK, cool.

Um, I'll pick you up in an hour.

OK, see you. Bye.

Sadie, table 12 wants cheese.

Can I help you?

I came to apologise. There was no need for me to be so rude.