The Foot Fist Way

How long are the lessons anyway? 45? That's 45 too many.

I like five-minute lessons.

Five-minute lessons, you're not gonna learn anything.

I'm not? How about 15 minutes?

Yeah, 45.

45? What about 10?

It says, "Sign up now. Self-defense could save your life."

It sure will. It will.

Thank you very much.

That was cool, yeah.

Who teaches Taekwondo?

Mr. Simmons.

Mr. Simmons? Do you like Mr. Simmons? Is he nice?

Is he talented? Is he good?

Is he very good?

He's one of the best instructors in town.

He is? Can he break rock?

Yes. He can? With his head?

Yes.

So cute! Look at him!

Showtime, boys. This is what it's all about, performing for the people.

Let's go over the plan real quick, okay?

You're gonna start things off with your little floor pattern,

get everybody hooked, then I'm gonna step up and seal the deal.

Board breaks.

Simple plan, okay?

So don't fuck this up for me. This is my life, okay?

Every single person out there is a potential new client.

Y'all understand?

Yes, sir.

Okay, pull them in.

Who's the king of the demo?

You are, Mr. Simmons. Who?

You are, Mr. Simmons.

You're goddamn right, I am.

One, two, three.

Hiyah!

That's Julio Chavez,

just one of our black belt students at Concord Taekwondo.

We got a lot of those there, huh?

This is, without a doubt, to me,

one of the most difficult things in Taekwondo to do,

is to bust them with your elbow.

And, well, I fashion myself a master in this.

So y'all are in for a special treat this afternoon.

Fuck!

Okay! All right!

So, if any of y'all wanna sign up for classes at Concord Taekwondo,

we have some sheets here with information, phone numbers,

special rates and whatnot. And...

You know, come talk to me if y'all wanna learn how to do some cool Taekwondo.

* Well, I've got soul that burns like a diamond

* I've got a feeling all my dreams will come true

* Just like they say every dog will have its day

* And there's no way that I'm gonna lose

* 'Cause it's a dog wild heaven

* Yeah, it's a dog wild heaven

* It's a dog wild heaven

* And there's no place that I'd rather be *

Nice stretches.

Raul, looks like you got that acne taken care of. Looking good, champ.

Come on, girls. All right, everybody line up!

Sir! Line up.

Feet together.

Charyut kyungneh!

Face senior student!

Sir! Kyungneh!

Face the front! Sir!

Tenets of Taekwondo. Begin.

Courtesy, self-control, perseverance...

...integrity, indomitable spirit, sir.

Kyungneh.

Hey, everybody. You guys are stretching? I just got finished doing that.

What are you doing here? Just come back from working out?

No, I came from church, you fucking retard.

Okay, that's wonderful language that my wife uses in front of my friends.

Listen, I just came to remind you about

dinner tonight with my friends from work.

Okay, let's go ahead and move to the right.

Sir!

Could you please take your shoes off?

My mats are 100 bucks apiece.

So are you gonna be there tonight, or what?

Well, I live there, so I will be there.

I thought we talked about

not doing this kind of stuff during the week.

Yeah, but I also thought

we talked about how important it was.

Okay, you're right. Importance, importance.

Okay, for you, honey, anything.

But if you could do something for me,

and just take your high heels off my mats.

I love you. I'll see you tonight.

Now this is a man who does not take shit from anybody, just like me.

Look at him. Goddamn movie star.

Beautiful man. Beautiful man.

We're gonna take a road trip next month to see him. You should come, dude.

Who do you think would win in a fight

between Bruce Lee and Chuck "The Truck"?

What, are you kidding? The Truck, easy.

He's the eight-year undefeated kickboxing champion.

Can Bruce Lee say that? No. Bruce Lee is dead.

Who do you think would win in a fight, you or Chuck "The Truck"?

Hmm.

That one's probably a little too close to call.

Come on. Steady up.

Let's not forget our forms, here.

This ain't a street fight. This is Taekwondo.

Stop throwing wild punches.

Come on, kicks up. Come on, not in the face. Not in the face, okay?

Okay, good. Work him. Work him.

Okay. Kicks up.

I'm so hungry, I could eat a grown man's ass right now.

Dig in. Dig in. Let's get to business.

This wine is delicious.

Thank you.

And let me just say, Connie,

that Fred and I are so happy to have you and Carlos over for dinner.

Yeah, usually I don't really like to have guests around during the middle of the week,

you know, when I'm working, but you guys are cool.

It's okay for you guys to be here.

Thank you. I think I speak in Connie's behalf

when I say that we're both glad to be here. Right, hon?

And, Connie, you, I'd like to thank you very much for hooking Suze up with a job.

That was nice of you.

She didn't hook me up with a job.

I just got her the interview. Suzie got the job on her own.

So, Carlos, Connie tells me you're a big-time lawyer.

Yeah, I just passed the bar exam,

and I'm working for Williams, Williams and Turner.

And it was all thanks in part to the G.I. Bill.

That's great. And look at you, Connie, he's quite a catch.

Suze, why don't you just chill out for a minute, stop flirting.

Connie's sitting right here next to you.

I wasn't flirting.

Carlos, you better watch out!

I got my eye on you.

I'm just kidding, dude. Relax. Take it easy, dude. I'm joking.

Oh, shit!

We forgot to say Grace.

Close your eyes. Give me your hands.

Honey? Close your eyes.

Jesus Christ, we thank you for

not giving us any diseases that will kill us

and for having jobs

and thank you for this meal that I bought myself.

Amen.

Whether you're interested in self-defense,

staying in shape, or a fun activity for the entire family,

Taekwondo America is just what you're looking for.

And that's who trained me.

And if you so choose, I could train you as well.

I could teach you about strength that lies deep within.

I could teach you how to unlock power,

I could teach you discipline, confidence, self-respect.

Yeah, well, I just moved to the area,

and I was looking for some sort of workout.

You know, just to stay in shape.

Taekwondo's terrific for keeping in shape,

but it's also a deadly serious killing system.

I mean, it's probably the best of all martial arts.

I hear Jujitsu is really good for balance.

Jujitsu sucks.

What you want is Taekwondo.

It's got everything, mental, physical...

That's good, because when I was in school abroad, I really got into yoga,

and that's a lot of breathing techniques and meditation...

Meditation's terrific and all, but never heard of it saving anyone

from a gang rape-type situation.

Meditate on that. Rape.

I pride myself on really being able to read people and

understand what's going through their minds.

And right now, I'm thinking that you're at about 90%.

I'd like to show you something

that will take care of that last 10.

What is it?

Just a trophy that I won.

A little simple token proving that I'm the champion of all North America.

Wow, the North American Champion?

Yeah, that's right. 1991 Las Vegas Invitational Open Sparring Competition.

Four days of pain and courage, but I emerged victorious, of course.

Back there in the office, I was beginning to wonder if this was

some type of a joke.

Why don't you ask the guy who came in second place?

And, break. Face your partner.

Sir! Kyungneh!

Shake hands.

Okay, rotate. Sir!

All right, everybody just have a seat for a second. Have a seat.

Sir!

Now, I'm noticing that a lot of y'all are just throwing single kicks and punches.

What you need to be doing is follow those through with some combinations. Okay?

Let's start with a simple one, shall we?

Right hand block, left hand throws a distracting back fist,

number one side kick followed through with a spin crescent kick to the head.

Sound easy enough? Sir!

Okay, let's try it out. Rick, Marge, hop up.

Sir.

Okay, Marge, ready stance.

Sir. Okay.