The Princess and the Pirate

That's not me, folks. I come on later.

I play a coward.

Lower away.

Steady, easy as she goes.

Fill her in and there she rests.

3 years of plunder on the high seas.

Enough gold and treasure to buy a continent.

And no one will ever know where it is but you, captain.

This map is the only key.

Very good, Mr. Pelly.

An excellent job of mapmaking.

Thank you, sir.

But just one thing, Mr. Pelly.

Yes, sir?

What if, by some ill chance, I should lose this map?

Would you be able to draw me another one from memory?

With my eyes closed, sir.

Are you sure?

Positive.

Thank you, Mr. Pelly.

His eyes are closed,

but I do not see him making another map,

and the same fate will befall any other man Jack among you

whose memory is too good.

Back to the ship now, my lads.

We have business to attend.

Hurry now.

Where to now, captain?

There is a packet called the Mary Ann out of liverpool for Jamaica.

We shall pay her a visit, Pedro, my lad.

I know the Mary Ann well.

She carries no gold.

Uh, right you are, Pedro.

But I am informed she has on board a Jewel

far more precious than gold.

A Jewel with blue eyes and silken hair.

You speak in riddles, captain.

Perhaps, but I tell you, my lad, there lives a king

who'll pay a million doubloons

to the one who returns this Jewel to him.

But I know of no such Jewel.

Good. When you know too much, you will follow Mr. Pelly.

Make haste, you blasted sons of unholy mothers.

We're off for the Mary Ann.

Anything on the horizon, captain?

A ship flying friendly colors,

but I can't make out her name.

Hold your course.

Aye, aye, sir.

Your pardon, captain.

Miss warbrook says Sylvester the great is at it again.

She can stand it no longer.

She desires you to speak to him.

Very good. I'll attend to it at once.

Keep a weather eye on that ship. I'll be back shortly.

Aye, aye, sir.

Yes? Come in.

Have you spoken to that imbecile in the next cabin?

Yes, but he's rather difficult to control.

However, I don't believe you'll be troubled any longer, your highness.

Captain, I must admonish you.

It's miss warbrook on this voyage.

It slips out, Princess. Miss warbrook.

I'm worried, my lady.

Should the king discover that I assisted you in your flight...

You have been well-paid, and I assure you no harm will come to you.

But, your highness...

All I want is rest and privacy.

Please see that I get it.

As you wish.

No, no, don't kill him!

Do you not know he is your own father?

Father or no father, this cur shall die.

Aha! Perhaps my sword shall put an end

to your vain boasting, Rodney faversham.

Have it, you! Bah! Have it, you!

Have it, you! Have it, you!

That this should happen to me.

Oh, I'm done for, I tell you.

Oh!

Oh.

Oh, but don't be frightened. I am just rehearsing.

This sword doesn't really go through me.

I couldn't stand that 5 shows a day.

I'm ticklish. Pardon me.

I'm dying. Dying.

Dying. Dying.

Oh!

Death's rattle. I'm dead.

I don't mean to intrude on your rehearsal.

Oh, no, no, not at all.

Sit down and take a load off my eyes.

I always work better with an audience

especially when they don't outnumber me.

Wait, I'll take off this putty nose.

Fools everybody.

Now look, I want to speak to you about all this noise...

It'll keep. Say, don't go away.

Here comes the high spot of my act.

There's no limit to what I can do.

That's not me. That's a cat.

It keeps coming here all the time.

Stage-struck, trying to get in the act.

Come on. I've already got 7 faces.

I don't need another puss. Ham.

Well, Mr. Sylvester the great, you've quite an act.

Now, I'm sure you've very worked hard at it, but...

Well, I'm glad you appreciate it.

My act is known all over Europe.

That's why I'm going to america.

I am sure you'll get the reception you deserve.

Oh, naturally. Say, here's a laugh for you.

Um, I know, you'll find this hard to believe

but there's a weasel next door that objects to my rehearsing my act.

Keeps sendin' the captain in here, telling me to pipe down.

Hasn't got nerve to tell me himself.

Well, the captain doesn't seem to have much success, Sylvester.

I see you haven't piped.

No, I'm not goin' to. You know what I did.

I walked right into the cabin, and busted him right in the snoot

and him with shoulders like that.

Sylvester, I have news for you.

I'm the weasel next door.

Yeah. Well, I told...

Uh?

Please try the act in pantomime.

No, no, do not kill him!

Do you not know that he is your own father?

No, no.

No, no.

Um!

What did you say?

Nothing. I just said "um."

Oh.

Guess I can say "um."

Well, what do you know?

What's that?

Nothing. I just said, "what do you know."

Oh.

Say, take a look at what they said about me in the timbuktu bugle.

Boy, what a write-up, even mentions my name.

"Sylvester the great attracts attention."

That's enough.

"Of all the actors who ever played timbuktu,

Sylvester the great is probably the worst..."

And here's another one from the Leningrad tattler.

In Russian, that's a great compliment.

It means I'm a schlemiel.

Very few of us left.

You seem to have done quite a lot of traveling.

Yes. With an act like mine, it's safer.

I've been to a lot of places, I've been to the indies, Europe, Africa.

And you should've seen the show I did on the road to Morocco.

Were you good? Good. I would have been sensational

only, some overage crooner with laryngitis

kept crabbin' my act. I had to brush him.

You know, i-I've never met an actor before.

Well, you stay away from 'em.

Most of them go right on the make for a girl.

You know, I got a proposition. A dame with your wardrobe,

I might be able to use you in my act.

Sylvester, that's very generous of you,

but I... I can't act.

Well, that never stopped me.

Besides, with your figure, you don't have to act.

All you have to do is stand there in tights,

holding a tray with the stuff for my different faces.

In fact, if we, uh, get the right tights,

I might not have to use so many faces.

Sail ho!

Ship closing in off the starboard bow!

All hands on deck!

What is it, lunch hour?

Man the gun stations, men!

I don't like the looks of this.

What?

I hear there are pirates in these waters.

Yeah, well, let them stay in the water. They're dangerous on ships.

Sylvester, do you know how to use these?

Do I know how to use these? This is my racket.

What do you think I wear 'em for, ornaments?

Sylvester, the bullet comes out this end.

Oh, yeah, yeah. It must be an old model. Now watch.

Wrong pistol. That's for silent pictures.

Wait a minute.

You see that seagull up there on the deckhouse?

Watch me shoot out its left eye.

Imagine what I could have done if this gun were loaded.

Out of the way, you leather-mugged ape!

Are we fighting or dancing the fandango?

See that flag?

You know what that skull and crossbones stands for, don't you?

Yeah, iodine, and we're going to need it.

That's the avenger, the hook's ship.