Ellie and Abbie (and Ellie's Dead Aunt)

I'm putting it out into the universe

that I did not just like a post from six months ago.

Thank you.

Hello, my loves.

Repeat after me:

I go beyond other people's fears and limitations.

-I go beyond other people's fears and limitations.

I claim my power and I move beyond all limits.

-I claim my power and I move beyond all limits.

I'm finished.

Can I have some phone time?

No, you can have some bonus questions.

Do it, Jamie, yeah.

-So, will you? -Jamie, this isn't America.

It's called a formal here.

Mm-hm.

Uh, also...

And why is there an exclamation mark here?

It's so overused.

Hey, it's okay.

Go on, then.

Um, will you?

Of course, you idiot.

All right.

Okay, that's enough, thank you.

It's not daytime television.

Back to work, please.

I go beyond other people's fears and limitations.

I claim my power and move beyond all limits.

I was just borrowing them.

Randall's just posted a video on Facebook

asking Sophia to the formal.

Oh my God.

I definitely asked for almond milk,

and he got me soy.

I felt like it was deliberate.

You know those people who make fun of you

because you drink almond milk?

It's not my fault I'm lactose intolerant.

You know, I say to him I want something,

but I don't really mean it,

and he just goes off and does what I say

when, actually, I'm saying the opposite.

Do you know what I mean? I can't get rid of him

'cause they've got too many rights, don't they?

Workplace.

But, darling, you're making that much worse.

Mom, stop hovering.

What is this for?

I'm asking a girl in my class to the formal.

Hooray.

I'm gay.

Mom...

You're such a bigot.

I go beyond other people's fears and limitations.

I claim my power and move beyond all limits.

That went really well.

Look, if anyone should be upset, it's me.

How would you feel if your own niece

didn't recognize you?

How would you feel if a strange woman

showed up in your bathroom claiming to be your dead aunt?

Well, I wouldn't have hid in the shower.

The door was right there.

You should probably go check on your mom.

She's been ranting for like an hour now.

Ugh, classic Mom.

I'm in the bathroom with a stranger

and she's out there having a secret cigarette,

worrying about herself.

I am so upset.

And now I'm smoking, which I would never normally do.

Brutal.

Actually, why don't you go and scare her?

I'm sure she'd love to see you.

Yeah, it doesn't really work like that.

-How does it work? -Oh, God, I'm sorry.

I can't believe I forgot to do this.

Congratulations on coming out.

I am Tara, your fairy godmother.

Get it?

Fairy, gay, fa--get it?

Fairies, gay, gay, fa--

Anyway, so coming out is hard,

and I have been sent here to help you through it.

Let's bring it in.

Come on.

There you go.

Come to Auntie T.

There we go, there we go.

Cool, I get it, yeah, not yet.

Just--we can fist bump.

No.

-No. -Hello!

So I take it not everyone who comes out

gets a fairy godmother?

No, only those who are lucky enough

to have a gay relative who died before they were born

and never got to pass on their wisdom.

So, for example, if you had a gay uncle or a guncle,

or in this case a lesbian aunt

or a lesagna...

Um, okay, well, please don't take this the wrong way ,

but I just don't think--

Look, I get it, this is a really scary time for you.

I'm not scared.

I'm fine.

There's like five other gay kids in my year,

so it's not really that big of a deal.

I get it, it's different when you were alive,

but I don't really think that there's anything

you could do to help.

Okay, sweet Ellie, yeah, sure.

So, um,

let's just talk about today, then, shall we?

You were there for that?

Oh, I've been there since the beginning.

The assignment on Australian politicians?

Uh! Spew town.

Wait.

Where were you?

Right here.

Of course, you couldn't see me then.

I'll type these up all ready for tomorrow.

Thanks.

See ya.

And there it was.

The moment you realized you were gay.

I couldn't interfere until you actually said

the words out loud.

Which, luckily, you did before you had a chance

to go through with this.

What on earth were you thinking?

I'm gonna make a video, post it to my Facebook page.

Okay, I don't know what that is,

but it sounds terrifying.

All the straight kids in my class are doing it.

If the straight kids were gonna jump off a bridge,

would you--never mind.

What if she doesn't want to go with you?

What if she doesn't like girls?

She does.

I think.

Someone told me that she does.

-Have you spoken to her? -Of course.

No, not about George Reid,

the fourth prime minister of Australia.

Sometimes, if you want something,

you just have to put it out into the universe

and it will happen.

Forget it.

Look, let me help you with this.

Just give me one shot, that's all I ask.

That and that you don't post anything.

I guarantee you I give better advice than a planet.

If she had just stayed for a second longer,

I would've apologized, but she runs out and, like...

You know, it's just about grandchildren.

-What? -Your mom.

Yeah, I figured that probably had something to do with it.

So, go out there, tell her you'll have a grandchild

and she'll be fine.

-No. -Okay.

Heads!

Sorry!

It's fine.

Not in public, not in public, not in public.

It's all right. I'll talk, you listen.

I feel like I'm in a crime podcast.

-What's that? -What do you want?

My shot. Look, if this works, you have to let me help you.

Deal?

"Yes, Tara, deal."

So, first things first,

we need to find out if she's into girls.

Luckily, I have a fail-safe technique I used to use

to find if a girl played for the same team.

-Like what? -Ask her

who her favorite AFL player is.

If she knows any, there's your answer right there.

That's such crap.

I'm just saying you'd be surprised.

I have to find the right time to talk to her.

She's in afternoon detention all week.

For a week?

Into bad girls, are you?

I'd like to pretend you never said that.

Yeah, me too.

Detention, huh?

I mean, if it were me...

School captain in detention, eh?

-Yup. -What'd you do?

Oh, you know...