King of the Hill

Ripped By mstoll.

I'll have another giant lollipop, my good man.

But this time, put a wig on it.

I didn't know you could do that.

Yeah, I know all the secret menus, Bobby.

Like, if you go just about anywhere

and ask for a "Hugging Cow,"

you'll get a burger wrapped in pastrami.

Mr. Dauterive, there is so much I can learn from you.

Dad...

No.

Go a little slower with the junk food, Bill.

Bill?

Bill?

Sergeant, you passed out from a blood sugar spike.

Looks like you're in the early stages of adult-onset diabetes.

Diabetes?

That can't be right.

I've eaten lots of sugar my whole life

and nothing's ever happened to me.

Surely you've noticed recent changes in your body:

Blurred vision, frequent urination,

tingling in the hands and feet?

I just thought I was in love.

How did this happen?

Seriously?

Diabetes is very common among the obese.

For some people, there's even a genetic disposition...

Damn genes!

Diabetes is a very manageable disease.

If you do a better job with diet and exercise,

you'll stop it from progressing.

Yeah, genes!

Well, they say diabetes can happen to anyone,

and "anyone" usually means Bill.

My genes have been plotting to kill me

since the day I was born.

Yeah, you keep talking about your genes,

but what about your diet?

Hank, it's not my fault!

My pancreas went out on me.

Yes, it probably is.

You've got to start taking better care of yourself.

I just lose control when I'm around food.

I don't even know where this hot dog came from!

You got to help me, Hank!

Okay, Bill, I'll go with you to the grocery store,

but only if you're serious about changing your diet.

I know you only let me say it on Thanksgiving,

but I'm grateful for you, Hank.

But it's carrots!

We already went over this with the zucchini muffins.

Oh, I give up!

It's my mom's fault.

When I was sad, she'd give me cookies.

But when I was happy, she'd give me cookies.

All of my emotions demand cookies, Hank!

Let's see... for dinner, I ate a lean chicken breast,

some broccoli,

and one cookie.

You know, diabetics like him could really benefit

from some basic nutrition counseling.

Oh, that's an interesting theory.

But you know what I learned at med school?

Oh, that's right.

You weren't there.

You may see a diabetic, but what I see is

a diabetic who will never get his act together.

Oh, I see that

under "Are you taking any medications?"

You wrote "Jell-O."

Mm-hmm. I wrote that so I wouldn't forget to ask.

Three, please.

You probably want me to say

that you can just diet and exercise your way out of this.

But two blood sugar spikes in a week.

Sooner or later, this will kill you.

Probably sooner.

What... What should I do?

Well, we have plenty of nice pamphlets

that I'm sure you'll ignore.

But this is how I see your diabetes playing out.

First comes heart disease,

then kidney failure, then blindness.

Oh, and you'll lose your legs, to gangrene.

Wait...

Are you just giving me tough love?

Have you seen other doctors?

Yes.

Did they tell you to diet and exercise?

Yes.

Did you do it?

Here, take this.

You'll end up in a wheelchair anyway.

Might as well get one now, while you still have good insurance.

You know, it's amazing we never get sunburned.

Yep.

Mm-hmm.

I can't believe Bill's in the hospital again.

After all the time I spent with him grocery shopping.

What did you expect?

Bill can't keep his hands off the sweets.

He's just like Winnie the Pooh.

Who also has diabetes.

Is that Bill?

Bill?

What the heck is going on?

Why are you in a wheelchair?

Oh, this?

No, I'm okay.

I'm just gonna lose my legs and then die.

See ya later.

Take with food, take without food.

It's all so confusing.

No one ever said the d-life was easy.

The d-life?

Diabetic life.

He probably has to use so many abbreviations

because there's so little time left.

I got to tell you, Bill,

I'm surprised your diabetes advanced so quickly.

As a Diabetic-American,

you can never know what's coming your way.

Dr. Weissman said it's only a matter of time

before I lose more than just legs.

Well, don't worry, buddy, we're here to take care of you.

Whatever you need.

And we're gonna start by retrofitting your house.

Thanks, guys.

I'm gonna go read my "Footprints in the Sand" poster now.

He's being so brave.

Ah, you should've seen him, Peggy.

You could never really describe Bill as "able-bodied" before,

but now it's not even an option.

Well, rest assured that diabetes

is not happening to this family.

Which is why I've already made some changes

at La Cocina de Peggy.

Come on, Mom, I'm just a kid.

This carrot is just like that lollipop at the fair.

Only it has a wig of alfalfa sprouts instead of spun sugar.

And here's an onion.

This would go a little easier if you'd give me a hand, buddy.

I don't want to go out!

Just drop me, like God did.

Come on, we're gonna find you

a nice wheelchair-friendly park.

Or maybe just some really long pavement.

After I die, I want my ashes put in a snow globe, Hank.

Promise me that.

You're not gonna die, Bill.

We'll stop and get a new knob for your joystick.

I want an eight ball.

I used to run and be free just like them.

Can you help me find a position of comfort, Hank?

Oh, we forgot your pillow in the truck.

I'll be right back.

Hey, you want in?

Uh, no, thanks, I can't.

Not with that attitude, bro.

I'm Sam, but I go by Rolling Thunder,

but I go by Thunder for short.

Wow.

I was gonna call you that before I even knew your name.

What's up with the electric wheelchair?

You should shake that Prius for something that runs on muscle.

Oh, no, my arms are all I've got left.

I want to use them as little as possible.

I'm not a fan of that kind of talk, now.

Check out my ride.

Chrome, crushed velvet, spinners, bumpers.

I'm in complete control, bro.

Check it out, huh.

I'm stylin', I'm profilin'.

I'm stylin'

and profilin'.

Wow, you just made walking seem lame.

Hell, yeah.

Come on, I got a spare one in the truck.

You can have it.

W-Wait!

I can't!

Nice! Woo-hoo!

Ow!

Hey, ladies, come here and sit in my lap.

I'll pretend I'm a massage chair.

You just talked to them.

Hey, hey, are you all right?

Do you need help?

Did he ask you for help?

Oh, he's your attendant.

Yeah, I-I guess so.

I'm Hank.

Are you gonna propose to me or something?

You know, it's Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve.

What?

I have to go with him, Hank.

He called me "bro."

Bill looks so happy.

Who would've guessed it was his legs that were holding him back?