Kac Wawa

How can I help you?

Let me guess.

You are Kobyla.

You are Kaban.

Excuse me, but are you the national census official?

I know you.

You owe me 300.

Pay up.

What the fuck are you staring at?

I don't care what you are staring at, so why do you care what I am looking at?

As it happens, I am interested, faggot.

Why "faggot"? What makes you think that?

What the fuck are you talking about, jerk?

I'm sorry.

-I have a question. -Cough up and get out.

If you are so strong and eager to fight,

why don't you try your luck in the ring or on the mat?

He fucking pissed me off!

Fucking philosopher.

-Give me the money. -Okay. Try your luck.

What do you say now?

Fucking Rambo.

You are waving a penny gun and you think you will scare me?

He shot me, for fuck's sake!

Any more dirty words? Just say it!

Because for each word you get one more bullet.

One "fuck", one bullet.

Why did you shoot me?

And why did you hit me?

Or rather you!

Sit down!

This morning you kidnapped my fiancée from the hotel.

What fiancée? What hotel?

Think back, just be quick,

because when I say "zero", I will bust the other knee.

three… two…

Well, well…

ANDRZEJ FORMER POLICE OFFICER, THE GROOM

Mum also noticed that you put on some weight.

-But I lost weight, come on! -Hmm.

But…

And what have we here… Pour me some more.

-What is this… My lovely doggie. -There you go.

-Did you walk the dog? -Of course, darling.

Couldn't he really stay at home today?

You know what?

Mom asked us to take him.

MARTA THE BRIDE

If it wasn't for mom--

Yes, I know. The wedding would be in the barn in the boonies.

-Do you have to repeat it all the time? -Not all the time.

But you know very well how much this room, this hotel, the ballroom cost.

I know, darling.

-Hey, Andrzej! -What?

What "what"?

You promised, not even a drop today.

I'm just looking…

Yes.

I don't want a repeat of aunt Ula's wedding.

You tried to get in the taxi through the trunk,

thinking it was a convertible.

I know very well, darling.

So I'm off with girls and you stay with boys with juice and checkers, right?

Yes, darling.

Andrzej remember, it's not just any wedding. It's our wedding.

Our wedding.

I know, darling.

Go to daddy.

I will go and change. Bye bye.

Are you mad?

TROPEK MOTHER-IN-LAW'S DOG

18 HOURS TILL WEDDING

Andrzej, you play or Tropek?

Black wins, red loses.

Guys, everybody pitches in a hundred for the winner, okay?

A hundred of what?

What, Swiss franks.

-Funny. -Three loans.

I haven't played Crazy Eights since I was a kid.

-Where did he go? -Why do you worry? Play.

Is that you?

-Yes. The password stag party. -Aha.

-There you go. -Thank you.

What are you looking at?

You have pretty legs.

Sure. Legs or ass?

Both, of course.

And now maybe… like this.

THUNDERDICK A DEALER FROM SILESIA

Will do.

Hey, stop it!

-At last… -Guys, we had a deal. Juices only.

Okay. It's your bachelor's party. To you and the bride.

-But… but… -No buts. One won't kill you. Take.

Cheers!

It's kind of…

BONAWENTURA FRIEND FROM THE ARMY

JAREK YOUNGER COUSIN

Why are you looking at me?

Before the wedding everything tastes different, doesn't it.

I have to go to the restroom for a second.

Okay.

And where are you going?

What do you mean? Into the city.

But we were supposed to play… Crazy Eights.

We will play Crazy Ladies. Go to the city, get laid…

But quick, because the more we pussyfoot the less pussy we get.

No. Don't do this to me.

Show me.

Oh my! Where do they live?

I don't know. It doesn't say here. They only do visits.

So get them here.

You want to bring girls here? And what happens when our ladies return?

Oops! There will be a problem.

-But I love him. -Spin.

Truth or dare?

Truth.

Something difficult.

Let me think.

Have… you ever slept with my Andrzej?

Three times.

-But when? -Wait.

When?

Oh, you haven't done this yet.

Truth or dare?

Truth.

Have you done it with a girl?

Three times.

15 HOURS TILL WEDDING

Well… nice evening.

KOBYLA THE PIMP

Gentlemen, you have an hour.

Girls.

That will be 1,000 zlotys.

And where is this Jessica?

Here.

Listen. If you bring the girls in the photos, we will pay.

Why are you so fussy?

You heard the man. If you bring the girls in the photos, you get the money…

and if not, we won't.

When I kick his ass, he won't know what hit him.

Okay… You don't like it. Customer is always right.

You have to pay transportation costs.

What transportation?

That will be 400 złotych.

What?

Four hundred złotych?

Oh, cute.

You there! I am asking!

Four hundred złotych for a few blocks?

Okay. Playtime is over. I don't have time for this bullshit.

Okay, man. Cool it.

Sit down.

-Sit down. -Sit.

Mister is right.

He made an effort to bring quality goods and needs to be paid.

It's okay, yes?

And there you go.

One hundred… two hundred… three hundred…

and four hundred. And there you go.

If you would like to have some fun, downstairs is a perfect place.

-Girls. -Bye.

Bye.

-Motherfucker. -Didn't I warn you?

Shut up!

So what? Are we going?

One moment.

And here is three hundred back.

Thanks a lot.

What?

Fuck, did you see it?

-Who's the boss? -Who's the boss?

KRYSTYNA JERZY'S WIFE

-Do you think that someone like me… -Yes?

JERZY KRYSTYNA'S HUSBAND

…will be able to find here the right partner?

I could arrange such a meeting.

With delivery directly to your room, but it is going to cost.

You don't need to worry. I have a gold card.

How soon? Two hours?

GOCHA AND KLAUDIA STUDENTS

SANDRA LUXURY CALL GIRL

-Looks like vitamins started working. -As if someone plugged him in.

Go.

Yo!

-Hey, look at him. -Next to him, Travolta is small potatoes.

-You were talking to me, yes? -Yes, to you.

-Hey, Miner, look here. Do you see this? -Miner?

I ain't no miner, man.

-I'm getting married tomorrow. -Maybe you want to invite me.

If you feel like it, I am at the bar.

We need one more brave lady. Do we have…

Yes, I can see, here she is. Careful. A bit too much wine.

-Sorry. I will help you a bit. -No!

-I wanted-- -But the contest will be…

the contest will be about…

I have a super…

I have a super song.

Beat it. Listen. Alicja slept with…

Take your hands off me…