Nurse Jackie

Previously...

Hi. Zoey. First year nursing.

After 12.5 hours, nurses are three times

more likely to make mistakes.

Lies, Mrs. Akalitis. Lies.

He paged you 20 minutes ago. Seriously, 20 minutes?

What do you doctors have against healing people for Christ's sake?

Yeah, you see that... that right there. Healing, helping, fixing...

that's fantastic. That's why you're a nurse.

I don't think I can do this.

This job is wading through a shit storm of people

who come into this place on the very worst day of their lives. So buck up.

That's what they're looking for. They're looking for god.

Sorry I get excited.

I brought you something for your back.

I was thinking more along the lines of Vicodin.

I'm not an idiot.

- Hey, babe. - Mom!

- You're kissing too hard. - No such thing.

My heads, my rules.

Subtitles: the Don't Mess with the Nurse Team .

Morning.

Such calm. So quiet and so peaceful.

I can breathe it in.

I can almost feel it inside.

Yeah, almost there.

Almost.

- Jumpy. - Sorry, I'm half asleep.

Okay. It's all yours.

I want to show you something.

I asked Grace what she wanted to watch.

And instead of cartoons, she chose a documentary called

"The death knell for mankind."

So she's interested in science.

She's constantly stressed. It's not about science,

it's not about...

I'm wondering if it's about something bigger than that.

No, I don't think it is. I think she's gonna be a teenager.

I think her moods are erratic.

You know, I think it's normal.

All she wants to do is watch documentaries

about world wars and global warming.

- She seems so nervous. - Honey...

she's 10.

What has she got to be nervous about?

Thought I'd swing by the hospital today, take you out to lunch.

Today's awful. It's thursday, it's gonna be nuts.

- Can I take a rain check? - Sure.

It's been raining a lot lately.

Well, you know April showers bring may flowers.

And if you're really good,

maybe a blow job.

Okay, kiddos. School time.

Saddle up.

Eddie, it's me. I just called to say good morning.

I need to see you this morning.

I would really,

so if you could just find me as soon as you get in, that'd be great, OK? Bye.

So you see, you see, I know all about this

'cause, I was in the army, you know.

- Is that right? - Jackie! Hi.

My new stethoscope.

Okay, first, get me those leads. Second, don't ever say tadah again.

Okay? The only people who say tadah are magicians and idiots.

It's cool, isn't it? My mom got it for me.

Leads.

I swear to god, Jacks, the salespeople at Bergdorf's are so foul,

they almost make me regret spending $1,200 on a scarf.

May I?

Okay, mr. Bernard Zimberg,

fluid in his lungs, shortness of breath.

So Mr. Zimberg,

How long have you had congestive heart disease?

I had quintuple bypass

the same year the Rangers won the Stanley Cup.

That's 1994.

I still have dreams about Mark Messier.

Canada's finest import since bacon.

Well, mr. Zimberg,

your arteries are not cooperating.

They're closing up again which is restricting blood-flow to your heart

and causing fluid to build up.

We'll take a cardiology consult, but i'd say you're looking at

angioplasty at the least.

And... another bypass at the most.

Nurse, a moment please.

I'm thinking sushi or Indian for lunch.

Text me and I'll make a rezzy.

But...

Okay, so Mr. Zimberg, as soon as we speak

to the cardiologist, I think we'll have a better idea...

No cardiologists.

No more angioplasty.

No more bypass. No more bupkus.

I'm sorry?

I'm sorry to be so irritable, but...

an old friend of mine used to say,

"Well, that's life in the Balkans."

I didn't know what the hell he was talking about.

One thing I don't want...

I don't want my wife

to lose one minute of sleep over this.

You got it? Here she comes.

- My childhood sweetheart. - There you are.

I looked and looked.

And now you found.

So I was just talking to your husband about his options.

And I was telling this nice nurse here

that I've had it with the doctors.

- And the medicine. - The medicine.

- Yes. - He doesn't need any of it.

Everything he needs to recover is in this bag.

- In that bag, it's true. - Is that right?

Well, that must be some bag.

Hold on just a minute. I'll be right back.

- Smile, smile. - I'm smiling.

- You rang? - Yes, my back is killing me.

I'll take care of you.

20 minutes?

28-year-old female, severe abdominal pain.

Pulse is tacky around 130.

Well, no fever. Honey, you're drenched.

I'm cold but I'm sweating. It's so weird.

Is she gonna be okay?

Are you allergic to any medications?

- I don't know. I'm sorry. Hon? - Penicillin.

You all right to get onto this bed?

There you go.

When did this start?

I wasn't feeling great last night,

but this morning I really started cramping up.

- I'm sorry, you guys. - We're in NY on vacation.

- We're not from here. - I gathered.

- How could you tell? - I'm gonna guess midwest?

- Ohio, how'd you know? - Because you're in pain

- and you're apologizing. - Sorry.

- It's our first anniversary. - Is that right? Congratulations.

Thank you. It might be something she ate.

I've never really seen her this sick before.

Okay, well, your pulse is high, but other than that

your vital signs are okay.

We might want to do a pregnancy test.

- Yes, please. - Hon, what if?

Hi.

Please don't say hi every time you see me.

Okay? Once a week is plenty. In fact, if you go five days without saying hi,

I will buy you a metro card.

So, great.

And I just wanted to tell you I put in all the IVs

- I bandaged... - Where's your stethoscope?

Dr. O'hara took it when we were...

I don't care. It's part of your uniform.

You find it and make sure it's with you at all times.

But Dr. O'hara's...

a doctor.

Okay, here's a tip. Doctors take shit...

sandwiches, stethoscopes, credit.

It's what they do. They can't help themselves, figure it out.

- Back still hurt? - Yeah, it's not good.

Come on. I got what you need.

Sit.

All right?

All right.

Yeah, that's it right there. You got it.

Yeah. I'm gonna...

Your hands feel sad.

You're killing me, Jackie.

What's up?

They're replacing me with a pyxis.

They're what?

- Over my dead body. - Yeah.

No. I mean, I think you would lose that one.

Are they gonna transfer you to another floor?

I think the point is total automation. So...

- I doubt it. - What are you gonna do?

I don't know. Duane reade, CVS, you know.

I'll figure out something, don't worry.

Fucking pyxis, are you kidding me?

They can replace you with a fucking bullshit robot pill machine?

No, technically, it's not a robot.

Wait, actually, it is.

I don't fucking believe this. We're gonna need ID numbers now

so they can keep track of every fucking aspirin we take out?

Welcome to the forefront of healthcare.

Like we need more oversight. Why don't you staple

a fucking camera to my forehead?

It's gonna take us like 20 minutes to punch a number into a keyboard

to get a fucking motrin.

I swear to god, I could puke.

Yeah, I'm gonna miss you too.

Excuse me, Coop?

You finally did it.

Come here, come here.

Get a load of this guy's hand.

Grim, right?

Yes, very.

Listen, I need you to put in your two cents with the board

or whatever it is that wants to put a pyxis in the pharmacy.

Shut up! We're getting a pyxis?

I... that... even the name sounds cool. Pyxis, I love that.