The Good Guys

Little kids? Are you serious?

The junior officers program is the chief's priority.

It encourages children to explore a career in law enforcement.

Okay, but they're 10.

They're probably also exploring careers as superheroes.

Okay, Bailey, look, I've got work to do, okay?

So please go now and be inspired...

by, you know, the light in their eyes.

With all due respect,

are you absolutely sure you want Dan Stark...

Dan Stark... Dealing with children?

No offense.

None taken.

Jack, don't ask me how,

but junior officers that work with Dan Stark...

become cops at a rate that can only be described as...

Alarming.

Really?! Really.

It's easy.

See, you deal with kids the same way you deal with adults.

It's just, they're, you know, short and broke.

Come on, partner.

Let's go shoot the crap out of some damn destinies.

Come on.

I'm not gonna lie to you, little dudes, little dudettes.

Being a cop is just about the best thing...

In the whole world.

Now... aaah!

Son of a bitch!

- Jack! - Yeah?

Get me down.

Oh! Stiff.

You all right?

I'm good. Uh...Where was I?

Being a cop rules.

You got that right, kingley!

Here's the deal, little mini-peoples.

When you're a cop, you get to drive a car as fast as you want,

you get to shoot a real gun,

you get to see a movie for free if you want to!

You just walk up to the theater,

you say, "hey, I'm following a perp."

Uh, Dan...

Uh, kids, that is not true.

The police officers want to go to the movies,

they have to pay, just like everybody else.

Kid #1: Aw, man! Kid #2: Boo!

Yeah, okay, maybe the uniformed officers pay for movies,

but I myself, I'm a Detective. I do not pay for movies.

I want a coke with that popcorn... bam!

Flash my badge.

Dan, can I speak with you for a moment?

Hang on one sec.

Uh, I don't think encouraging these, uh...

...Uh, adorable, little tykes to commit fraud is really the...

The good example that we want to set today.

Learn from me, jacko.

Women love a guy who's good with kids.

So, you play your cards right here,

you could get back sack-side with Lizzie.

Yeah, okay. Okay?

Uh, hey, kids.

So, my partner, Detective Dan, is right.

Being a police officer can be rewarding.

But it can also be really challenging, okay?

Police officers need to know about the law,

about science, math...

Okay! Detective Jack, thank you, thank you.

You know, that's good.

He is warning you, there are some boring parts.

But mostly, being a cop,

it-it's just... It's like being a kid!

Except the guns are real, the cars are fast!

You're getting paid to do it!

We don't have a lot of time, cadets, so, uh, take a knee.

Here's the dillio.

You want to be a cop,

you got to avoid... I'll call them the "bad roads."

Now, what do I mean by "bad road"? Crime!

There's the road of crime over there. Avoid it.

What's another bad road?

Stay away from the drugs. Avoid.

But there is one road that most adults won't warn you about,

and it's this...

Working in an office!

Your entire life...

filling out forms, dealing with files and whatnot.

Take it from me, kids...

Do not become a paper-pusher.

Well, where is it?

I asked for a printout of that database over an hour ago.

Is there a reason I had to get out of the comfort of my ergonomical chair...

to come down here and beg for it again?

I'm sorry, sir. Uh, the system is buggy.

Really? 'Cause it's working fine in my office.

Records office. Perry speaking.

Good.

It's I.T.

I should probably take this.

By all means.

But, Perry, I like my chair. It's got lumbar support.

Make me get out of it again...

You fired.

No.

What are you doing, vic?! I told you not to call me here.

I'm in enough trouble as it is.

If they find out what we're doing, I could get fired.

Hell, I could go to jail!

I got to go.

People are getting suspicious.

I'll call you when it's done.

Oh. Hey, Liz. What brings you by?

I just had to drop off some witness statements to vice desk.

It's like five feet away, so I thought I'd say hi.

You always...Know the exact thing to say...

in any situation.

Etiquette school.

Ah, sure.

So, Jack, I was driving by the park,

and I could have sworn that I saw you and Mr. Dan...

playing with a bunch of kids.

They're the junior officers of the Dallas police department.

Ruiz wants us to...

But why are you smiling?

Am I smiling?

You are. Y-you were, yeah.

Well, I guess I just, um...

I never knew that you liked kids so much.

I did.

I-I mean I do. I love kids.

Hm, 'cause when I think about you and kids,

I think about that time we were in Mexico...

and you berated that child in broken Spanish...

for quite some time.

That's only because I found out...

how much he was trying to charge me for a puka-shell necklace.

Puka shells! I forgot.

All right. I like kids. I do.

They're, uh, our future.

They are? Yeah, no. Someone wrote a song about it.

I did not know that. It's true.

My only problem is,

is that kids have never really seemed to like me.

So when they take over,

I'm just a little worried that I might be screwed.

Jack, I'm sure that they like you just fine.

Hmm, well, maybe.

You know who they love? Who?

You're sitting in his chair.

No.

Yeah.

Detective Dan has a way with the mini-people.

We are at war with crime!

And you need to be prepared for battle.

Move! Move! Move!

All right, cadets, fall in!

In formation!

It's gut-check time, Randy!

Do you want it?! Do you want it?!

My name's Brian. That's the spirit!

All right. Let me ask you a question.

We don't rest till the bad guys do.

When do the bad guys rest?

Never!

Internal affairs comes snooping around,

asking questions about your partner, what do you say?

I know nothing about the incident to which you refer!

And why is that?

Blue sticks with blue!

I can't hear you!

Blue sticks with blue!

All right! Get down, give me 20!

Live fire! Live fire! There you go! All right!

Nice work! Mandatory hydration break!

What is this?

Hey!

Hey, uh, uh, junior academy training.

Got to make sure these kids are ready when the time comes.

When what time comes? Puberty?

I'm building futures here, jacko.

Get out of the way, follow, or ld.

I'm glad you're here, though. We got a case.

Cadet Teddy, present, front and center!

Yes, sir.

What do you mean, you have a case?

Kid's got a lead.

Are you... a lead?

Yeah. He's a rambly little guy.

But he's solid, so hear him out.

At ease, cadet.

Now, I want you to tell Detective Jack what you told me...

about the neighborhood lurker.

Oh, yeah. This guy was real bad.

You hear that, Jack? He stole mail.

No good punk. ...Punk.

I waited till he left, then collected the evidence.

Is this a joke?

No. Check it out.

Should all be in there, sir.

Okay, what's with the leaf?