The Fearless Vampire Killers

That night; penetrating deep into the heart of Transylvania...

Professor Abronsius was unaware that he was on the point...

of reaching the goal of his mysterious investigations.

In the course of which he had journeyed throughout central Europe...

. . . accompanied by his one and only faithful disable, Alfred.

A scholar and scientist whose genius was unappreciated...

Abronsius had given up all to devote himself body and soul...

to what was, to him, a sacred mission.

He had even lost his chair at Kurnigsburg University...

where for a long time his colleagues used to refer to him as "The Nut".

Welcome!

Welcome!

Professor.

Quick, quick!

- Hurry, hurry! - Here!

- No, no, over here! - Don't push me!

Not against the stove, because of gangrene!

Hot beer! Hot beer and cinnamon!

Gently. It will break like glass.

- A mustard bath for his feet. - His nose as well.

- His nose as well. - No! Not the nose!

- Stand him up! Stand him up! - No! No!

Rebecca! Where is the "bikos" for the gentlemen, no?

It's ready, it's ready!

We drive on a little further until we get to Bubuski...

Now we get to Fulidnish, Fulidnish!

Garlic.

Garlic, my boy. Garlic.

You think...

Without a doubt.

Here.

Here.

Is it finished?

- Yes, it's finished. - Wait, wait! We don't go to Brevarsky?

To Brevarsky.

- No, no, no. - We don't go to Iski?

No, no, not to Iski, no.

The whole winter, if need be. Indeed, the summer as well.

It's a home away from home, no?

- Tell me... - I'm telling you!

- Listen, you've got... - The garlic.

- Garlic... - No, no, no.

- What is all the garlic doing here? - Where?

Here.

Not garlic, professor. Please, not garlic.

Is there, by any chance, a castle in the district?

By any chance a castle in the district?

On the word of Yoyneh, there's no more a castle here than a windmill.

Does anybody here know a windmill in the district?

No? You see? And a castle? Anybody know a castle?

- There's a castle just over... - You see?

No castle, no windmill. Eat, eat, eat.

The "bikos" is good. You like? Eat! Look, the little one, he's eating.

There. You see?

You have the best room in the house. With its own bathroom.

Come, come.

You'll be very warm, nice, comfortable.

Please, just take a look.

I'd forgotten Sarah! I mean, this bath will be free when this...

I promise, it will be free tomorrow.

Tomorrow, professor.

Use the conveniences in the corridor. Last door on the left.

Good night, gentlemen.

Dear boy! All these signs!

All these signs!

We are nearing our goal at last!

We are nearing our goal!

Last door on the left, huh?

We are nearing our goal...

No!

I told you to stay in your room!

- But you always take a bath! - No!

- No! No! - I'll give you that bath!

- I won't! I won't, Papa! No! - A bath a day!

- I told you, every day you are having baths! - I won't!

I told you, no bath! No bath! No bath! No bath!

Now you satisfied. Now you got it.

Incredible.

Read this.

"According to EIibori...

they cast no reflected image.

Thus, for example, one cannot see them, nor can they see themselves, in a mirror.

In a mirror...

In a mirror.

Nor in any other object serving the same purpose...

like water, windowpanes, etcetera."

Water, windowpanes...

What's next? What's next?

Someone is walking in the corridor.

Quickly, take them off! Take them off!

Always singing...

What's my good little fairy up to? What's she doing?

Your good little fairy is mending your nightshirt.

This nightshirt is mine? No... Yes?

Right, good. It's perfect as it is.

I'll try it on.

If you try your nightshirt in my room, I scream.

Yoyneh! Yoyneh!

Hurry, hurry!

Forget about the buttons.

That hunchback, Alfred... That hunchback. Did you notice?

Revolting.

Why were you under the table?

I think we have a clue!

I want you to follow him.

I am not completely daft, you know.

I'm telling you!

Someone last night bashed me on the skull.

I don't see a bump.

I'm not disturbing you, am I?

Not at all. Not at all.

I just don't know what to do with myself.

I get so bored. You can't imagine how bored I get.

Don't know. I'm just not used to being locked up the whole time.

You mean you're always locked up?

At school...

we had fun there. We used to skip over the wall.

- Did all kinds of things. - Yeah?

You know what I mean.

Then Papa... Don't know what happened to Papa.

My room is full of garlic.

He says it looks pretty.

Pretty...

- I brought it back from school. - Oh. It's a...

good one.

- Soft. - Soft.

Listen...

I... I adore it.

I got into the habit of it at school.

He's funny, Papa.

You just can't change your habits in a couple of months, can you?

Besides...

it's good for your hair.

Once a day is the very least. Don't you agree?

Yes.

Do you mind if I have a quick one?

- I don't mind at all, but... - Thank you. You're being very nice!

Could you get me some hot water?

- Where are you going? - All right, clear, I'm not going!

Thank you.

What about the umbrella?

Are you crazy?

I saw him! I saw him! He's there! There!

Sarah!

Your Excellency! Your Excellency Von Krolock!

Give me back my daughter!

Give her back to me!

Your Excellency! Little Sarah! Excellency!

- Shagal, Shagal... Shagal. - My little girl!

I beg you!

Careful... Take care. Careful...

Careful...

What?

Yoyneh!

Look, Alfred.

They have drained him in the twinkling of an eye.

They are mighty fierce this winter, the beasts.

We ought to organize a beat.

Found one in the forest with his throat ripped!

Now they have taken to devouring each other. Poor Shagal.

- To end in the jaws of a wolf... - A wolf.

A wolf! You blind wretches!

Open your eyes!

You know perfectly well who has been at work.

- Ripped. - Ripped...

You poor victims of your own cowardice!

Stick it where?

Madam Shagal, I have already explained...

the body of Mr. Shagal is destroyed, but one can save his soul...

by sticking it in.

- Sticking it in? - Yes.

- Where? - In the heart.

According to the works of EIibori and my own research, by the way...

it is the only way. Like this, in one go.

- Not... - Yes.

The works of EIibori...

In whose heart?

Sticking it in...

- Yes. - In my Yoyneh's heart?

Stick in my Yoyneh's heart? You hear, Yoyneh?

This swine wants me to stick this shank in your heart!

You stupid old goat! Stick it?!

I'll stick this right through you, you old fool! I will!

You one-eyed, blind...!

1... 2... 3!

- Great...! - He's gone?

Not bad, this little wine.

Have you got the wrong vampire!

There! In there!

I thought so.

Madam Jackal... Shagal. We must all get down to work.

Of course we shall need your assistance. First we must block up the window.

Good, good.

Next, garlic. Plenty of garlic everywhere.

And some crucifixes. I'll lend you some.

Tomorrow I will see to the transfusion.

Is everything clear? Well, let me repeat.

The garlic, window blocked, crucifixer...

here, there, there.

Professor, the other way around. Other way around.